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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617849">Turn My Sixes to Nines</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaleigh/pseuds/lunaleigh'>lunaleigh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>AUSTEN Jane - Works, Pride and Prejudice &amp; Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Banter, Crossovers &amp; Fandom Fusions, Drunkenness, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Kissing, Love, Modern Era, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teen Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:48:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>79,978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaleigh/pseuds/lunaleigh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As Beth prepares for her first semester at college, she can't seem to stop thinking about Will Darcy. He's the walking list of things she doesn't like, or so she thinks at first. But as the semester progresses, Beth learns more about him and herself. After repeated misunderstandings, can they ever manage to be friends? </p><p>Modern Pride and Prejudice with special appearances by characters from other Austen works.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Colonel Brandon/Marianne Dashwood, Colonel Fitzwilliam/Charlotte Lucas, Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Jane Bennet &amp; Charles Bingley, Marianne Dashwood/John Willoughby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A truth universally acknowledged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AN: Rated T for drug related themes and some romantic fluffy bits</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The insides of her eyelids were glowing red and the sun was so warm on her face as Beth floated in the pool. She opened her eyes and tilted her head to look up at a sky that was blue and stretching endlessly, filling her whole field of vision. There were no clouds, and the sun beating down on her was steady and hot. She could feel her skin radiating its heat, and she could smell the chlorine and the sunscreen. The cool water felt nice on her toes as she dipped them in.</p><p>The first week of summer break was wonderful, and she should have been happy, but she was <em>bored</em>. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was supposed to be doing something- like she'd forgotten to take a final exam, or fill out the paperwork for graduation, but it was all done. Still, the looming sense of something not-quite-right wouldn't leave her head.</p><p>She could still remember vividly walking out to the mailbox early one morning in the spring to find <em>the letter</em>, the one she had been waiting for from Pemberley University telling her she was accepted. Prestigious Pemberley: the thought of acceptance there had made Beth's fingers shake as she ripped open the letter. And she still felt the excitement and the anticipation knowing that she would be going there in a few short months, but the summer stretched endlessly before her, and for once, she wasn't pleased by the idea.</p><p>Behind her, she could hear her older sister laughing with her boyfriend, Charles. Beth spun herself around to look at them. His auburn hair was slicked back with pool water, his short-sleeve button up was open all the way, exposing pale skin, and new freckles covered his knees, arms, and cheekbones. He was splayed out in a lounge chair, but his arm rested around the back of her sister's chair, and they had pulled the chairs as close together as they could. Her sister, Jane, was covering herself in another layer of sunscreen, and Charles watched the process with goofy and devoted attention. Beth had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She was happy that her sister had found someone who treated her well and was so free with his affection and compliments, but the pair was a little ridiculous. Still, there was absolutely nothing bad that she could say about Charles. And they were using his pool, after all, and the fully stocked fridge in the pool house, so what wasn't to love?</p><p>"How's the water?" Jane called as Beth did an easy backstroke to the edge of the pool at their feet and hung there by her elbows, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes. "It's perfect. Charles, where have you been all our lives?" she called out, melodramatically.</p><p>"15 minutes away," was his pragmatic answer.</p><p>This was true, as their families both lived in a metro area of D.C., and neither Jane nor Charles had gone far for college.</p><p>"I'm still amazed that out of the thousands of freshman students that somehow we were paired together as lab partners in Biology. It was fate, wasn't it?" Jane asked, switching into a tone that Beth had never heard her sister use before she met Charles, but that she was becoming increasingly familiar with. When things really got going, Jane and Charles would both alter their voices into a kind of couple-speak that was difficult to witness.</p><p>"Definitely lucky!" Beth called, trying to distract them from each other. "And it's good that you met in college. I don't know any couples from our high school that are still together after graduation." This included Beth's own most recent relationship, but that was nothing to mention in front of Charles.</p><p>"I wish I had known you in high school," Charles said to Jane as he squeezed her knee with affection. "But then again, the St. Agnes kids don't get out that much. I don't know when we ever would have run into each other."</p><p>Which was the nicest way to say that they came from very different economic backgrounds. Jane didn't seem to notice anything in the comment, and Beth tried not to feel the slight, but she and Jane had both gone to public school while Charles had attended the prestigious local prep school that cost $50,000 a year, and that was the real reason they had never crossed paths. St. Agnes was populated with students from old money and top athletes on full scholarships, neither of which applied to her or Jane.</p><p>Beth's high school experience had given her little love for jocks, and she had heard rumors regarding an underground society at St. Agnes with a notoriously dangerous (and certainly illegal) induction ceremony. Although she didn't spend her free time thinking about the private school, she felt annoyed whenever it came up; here was another example of privilege in action. She wanted to say that the expensive price tag didn't necessarily make it a better school or a better experience, but she didn't want to make Charles feel uncomfortable, so she settled for a joke.</p><p>"Too busy doing blood sacrifices with that secret society to cross paths with the Bennet sisters."</p><p>"Nobody ever <em>would</em> explain to me what all those sheep were for..." Charles said, feigning a dawning understanding. "You're right that Agnes is a weird place, and in a lot of ways it's outdated. And obviously a total waste of money on my parents' part because Jane is smarter than I'll ever be," he finished gracefully. "And you too, Beth."</p><p>It was hard to feel any resentment after that.</p><hr/><p>"It's different than you expect; when you get there you'll see," Jane said, knowingly. Beth was sitting in her sister's room after dinner, sharing some of her worries about her upcoming semester at school. "I was so worried that I'd have no one to talk to, that I was going to be that dumb homesick freshman girl. But there's always your roommate and the people on your floor. I met a lot of people in my classes, too. At first, I was so worried that no one would like me. But college won't be like that for you."</p><p>Jane was looking especially beautiful, fresh from the shower with her chin length blonde hair wild over her head and her delicate features flushed from a day in the sun. Her kind eyes were warm with love and hope for her younger sister. Beth couldn't believe that someone so beautiful had ever felt these worries or insecurities. Everyone loved Jane, and Beth most of all. To hear from someone that she admired about their anxieties was both eye-opening and comforting. Perhaps part of Beth's worry <em>was</em> the idea of leaving home and moving across the country to where she didn't know anyone.</p><p>"I know you didn't feel like high school was a challenge. Think of it as an opportunity to finally take classes that interest you and have teachers that really make you think," Jane suggested. "The whole point of the first year is to explore. It's not like you can make a mistake in picking a class." That point hit home, too. Beth's senior year had left her feeling so bored, and she couldn't wait to prove herself in a new environment. A new challenge always motivated her. The idea that she didn't have to know right away what she wanted was comforting. She relaxed as she sat cross-legged on the floor in Jane's room. Jane always knew what to say.</p><p>"And you might just meet someone special," Jane said with a knowing smile, obviously thinking about her own experience with Charles.</p><p>"Ew, who would ever date a loser like Beth?" Their youngest sister, Lydia, had stuck her head into the room, overhearing Jane's last sentence. Headphones dangling from her neck, she stuck out her tongue at them and then let out a high pitch giggle as Beth grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it as hard as she could at the door. The door slammed shut, but they could still hear Lydia laughing in the hallway.</p><p>"Do you think mom and dad would mind if I murdered her?" Beth asked as Jane laughed.</p><p>Jane just shook her head. "She'll age out of it, you'll see. She's only 15."</p><p>"That's one thing to look forward to, anyway. Getting away from her."</p><p>The two sat quietly for a moment, and Jane had a faraway look on her face. "I hope you do meet someone special, Beth. It's so...I can't explain it. I've never felt like this before. Charles is so great, and when we..." Jane looked swiftly at the closed door before continuing in a whisper. "<em>You know. </em>I just feel so close to him. It's <em>amazing</em>."</p><p>Beth knew that Charles was the first person Jane had slept with, and that Jane was usually too shy to talk about such things with anyone. Beth smiled wickedly.</p><p>"He's better than anyone else you've dated before," Beth said pragmatically. "What was that one guy's name...Brad! God, do you think he's reached liver failure yet from all those creatine protein shakes?"</p><p>Jane burst out laughing. "What was I thinking?"</p><p>Beth smiled, still teasing her sister. "I think you were thinking about his perfectly muscled arms, to be honest. But Charles is very kind, which is even better. I haven't seen him drink any nutrition shakes yet, so I think you're safe."</p><p>Jane laughed again before her expression turned wistful. "He's so great, Beth. Really. I can't imagine being with anyone else."</p><p>"Getting laid will do that."</p><p>Jane looked momentarily outraged, but Beth just waggled her eyebrows.</p><p>"Was it like that with you and Ben? Did being physical change the way you felt about him?" Jane continued seriously, and Beth made a purposefully awkward face, thinking back to her ex-boyfriend. She'd broken up with him a month before, and he was the first person she'd slept with.</p><p>"No!" She laughed at the idea. "It was..." She searched for words to describe the experience, finding herself whispering despite the closed door. "It was fine. I don't know. He was a really nice boyfriend, but...I didn't feel any different about him afterwards." She shrugged and held up her hands, trying to come up with more. There had been a lot of fumbling on both sides. It was over much faster than she had anticipated. What she remembered most was the thought that she didn't understand what all the fuss was about or why people went crazy over sex. They had only slept together twice before she ended it, and she hadn't missed him afterwards. Whatever it was that Jane was describing had not been her own experience.</p><p>"Did you two ever say 'I love you'?" Jane asked, and Beth shook her head, realizing what must be on her sister's mind.</p><p>"Are you in love with Charles?"</p><p>A flush crept across Jane's cheeks, and she nodded, whispering again. "But I don't know if it's too soon, or if I should wait for him to say it first. I don't want to come on too strong and scare him off. I like him so much."</p><p>She looked so genuinely worried, but Beth had no idea what her sister was experiencing. Her last relationship was miles short of love.</p><p>"It's a bit like the blind leading the blind here," Beth began, trying to offer support. "But I don't think it's ever a mistake to tell someone how you feel about them. Charles must be in love with you, too. Why else would he let us both use his pool all summer?"</p><p>Jane smiled sweetly and gave her sister's hand a squeeze. "Maybe he has a friend for you!" Jane suggested excitedly, and Beth's mouth curved into an amused expression at the idea of it. Good, sweet Jane, always thinking about others.</p><p>"Maybe."</p><hr/><p>"What can I get you?" the man in the food stand asked. He was wearing a soiled white apron and a frazzled expression. Strangers around her kept jostling her arm, pushing as they walked by, and she had to practically shout to be heard over the din of trumpet and saxophone and the voices of the crowd behind her. It was the 4th of July celebration, and the downtown square of her small town was overrun with people. The town went all out, with a Ferris wheel, children's rides, and food trucks prior to the fireworks in the evening.</p><p>"A lemonade!" Beth yelled. She wiped a bead of sweat off her forehead, simultaneously feeling the tiny trickle of sweat that ran down her back. Her shorts were an old pair of cut-offs, fringed at the bottom from frequent washing and extra comfortable, and she'd paired them with a simple tank top. The sun was getting to be low on the horizon, but the air was still unbearably humid. She wondered again, for the millionth time, who decided to build a major city and metro area in a giant swamp. Thanks, founding fathers.</p><p>He came back with her cup, and she handed him a few crumpled bills, dropping one into the tip jar for good measure. It was hot outside; she couldn't imagine what it was like in the truck.</p><p>She waded through the crowd, trying to find a space where she could see the jazz band. They sounded good, much improved from the barbershop quartet they'd had last year. The brass section was dancing as they played, and the lead singer sashayed across the stage, wearing fringe and sparkles, belting out high notes with ease. Beth took her first sip of the lemonade, closing her eyes in happiness. The cool, tangy sweetness was exactly what she had needed.</p><p>Adventurous couples were doing wild, swing-type dancing in front of the stage. Farther from the stage, parents held the hands of their small toddlers who bounced and hopped along. She'd come to the festival with Lydia and Jane, and she'd managed to lose both. She continued scanning the crowd. Young families with strollers had children running freely around them, college students home for the summer were drinking beer out of plastic cups, older adults were in folding chairs on the sideline, a sleazy pair of middle aged men were eying a group of teenage girls.</p><p>Beth rolled her eyes as she saw Lydia in that group. As usual, Lydia's outfit was questionable at best, but she was dressed the same as all of her friends. Beth wasn't surprised they were attracting attention. Lydia's shorts were so short that the pockets hung out farther than the hem. Someone had bought them a beer, and they were all sharing it, laughing loudly, ignoring the music. Cell-phones out, they were taking selfie after selfie, all duck faces and peace signs.</p><p>Beth struggled not to judge them. They had deep tans and full make-up despite the heat, with lips plumped and over-lined to the max. Beth had not been that type of girl in high school, and she was relieved to have graduated; she never had to see any of those girls again if she didn't want to. She never had to sit through another class, bored out of her mind, listening to the Lydias of the world try to talk their way out of learning something. She hoped that Pemberley might finally give her the chance to meet people more like herself.</p><p>Her fingers were damp with condensation from her drink, and she ran them over the back of her neck, trying to cool herself. Not too far away, a blonde with a bob haircut ran her hands through her hair, and Beth recognized her sister, deep in conversation with Charles. She watched as Charles leaned in to say something, and her sister laughed with a hint of pink tingeing her cheeks, giving him a wicked look from under her lashes as his hand ran over the small of her back. Charles mooned over her in a way that was borderline ridiculous, but Beth couldn't blame him. She'd had her whole life to get used to Jane. In the fading sunlight and in her loose sun-dress, Jane was luminous despite the weather.</p><p>As Beth approached, Jane walked away in the direction of the bathrooms. Beth paused and considered following after her, but it made the most sense to keep walking toward Charles. Approaching from behind, she noticed for the first time that Charles had a friend with him. Beth could only see the straight line of his shoulders and the wavy dark hair on the back of his head, or occasionally the side of his face. He was their age, but he had to be Charles' friend because she'd never seen him before. She hadn't noticed him because he had been standing an awkward distance from Jane and Charles.</p><p>She had to resist the urge to yell "Boo" as she walked up behind them, but their conversation killed the greeting on her lips. His friend's voice carried, deep and clear, as Beth stopped behind them.</p><p>"Special...just like all the others were special?"</p><p>"It's not like that this time. Jane is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's not like before," Charles repeated with feeling. His friend was facing forward so it was harder to hear this time, but what it sounded like was: "Right. You said that about Kelsey too, you know."</p><p>Brow furrowed, Beth stared at the back of this stranger's head in disbelief and growing dislike. Who the hell was this guy to know anything about her sister's relationship? But the longer she stood there, the more awkward it would be when they noticed her. And, like most eavesdroppers, she found she didn't care for the conversation.</p><p>She tapped Charles lightly on the shoulder, mustering the best smile she could under the circumstances. He started, and she noticed the faint blush on his cheeks, but then he was nothing but warmth and happiness to see her.</p><p>"Hey! Beth, we were looking for you earlier. Your sister just ran off to the bathroom." He tapped his friend on the arm, and said "This is my friend, Will Darcy. He lives in the city, but he's visiting me this weekend."</p><p><em>Of course, he's handsome</em>, Beth thought in annoyance. Physically, he was exactly her type too, which made it worse. She wanted to dislike him—not be attracted to him. He was taller than Charles and all long legs and broad shoulders. He had dark, unruly hair and a mouth she thought would be sensuous in a different context.</p><p>His handshake was nice. Warm, solid. She noticed for the first time how pretty his eyes were. Green and not what she'd expected before they made eye contact.</p><p>Then she wasn't noticing anything because the silence <em>dragged and dragged</em>. Normally, she would have made some effort, if only to make a situation less uncomfortable for herself, but she wasn't feeling very generous after Will's previous comment about Jane. And another part of her was dimly impressed that someone could be this socially awkward.</p><p>"She's Jane's sister," Charles said when the silence became too much for him. He didn't know enough about her to start a conversation, she realized. He was Jane's boyfriend, after all. Not hers. There was another long pause, and Beth almost laughed from awkwardness.</p><p>But then Will spoke, mostly to Charles. "I figured, with the family resemblance..."</p><p>This surprised Beth. She and Jane shared the same pointed chin and high cheek bones, but Beth's features were more irregular than Jane's, less delicate. She had dark hair and chestnut eyes instead of Jane's blonde and blue. People didn't always guess that they were sisters.</p><p>They were saved from another lengthy silence as Jane joined them with Lydia following just behind. Jane was smiling ear to ear, and it was infectious. Lydia was looking at Will with appreciation, not bothering to hide her interest. She held another full cup of beer, obtained from who knows where. She held out her hand in a way that managed to display quite a lot of cleavage. "I'm Lydia, and who are you?" she asked sweetly.</p><p>Ice. Pure, cold, frosty ice was the look Lydia got back from Will. And Beth was impressed that he looked at Lydia's face the whole time and not once at her chest as he introduced himself again. But Lydia received the same silence afterwards as Beth had, though not nearly so lengthy.</p><p>"Awesome," Lydia said, deadpan. She shot an expression at Beth that clearly telegraphed "who the hell is this guy", and Beth shrugged.</p><p>"This is lame so I'm going back to my friends. Text me when you're ready to go and I'll meet you at the car." Lydia flashed a peace sign and walked away just like that, and Beth had never appreciated her sister more.</p><p>"Should we move a little closer to the stage?" Charles asked amiably.</p><p>Beth looked at Will sideways as they walked. His face didn't show much emotion. She didn't think he looked unhappy, necessarily. He responded when Charles brought him into the conversation, and he even smiled at Jane a few times. So maybe he had just been trying to be a good friend to Charles. Maybe she hadn't heard the entirety of the conversation and was missing some important context. He didn't act like he had anything against Jane. <em>And maybe he's just quiet</em>, she thought, her conscience getting the better of her. Made a bad first impression.</p><p>"What do you think of the festival?" she asked Will when they had all picked a spot, shouting to be heard over the band.</p><p>"Sorry, what?" he asked, leaning his head closer to her. She stood on her toes and repeated the question.</p><p>"Listen, I don't think it's worth the effort to talk," he said loudly, brushing off her attempt to speak to him and turning to face forward again. Beth heard <em>that </em>perfectly clear. She felt both surprised and a little hurt. Bad first impression- ha! Will Darcy was an asshole. She moved to the other side of Jane and tried to enjoy the band, but some of the enjoyment had gone out of her evening.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Consequence to young ladies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After his disastrous first impression, Beth and Will meet again as Charles hosts a 4th of July barbecue</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What a dick!" Lydia crowed as Jane drove them home, and her laughter filled the car. The night air was blowing their hair through the open windows. Beth was laughing with Lydia, even though Will's brusque dismissal of her had hurt her feelings. It was never a great feeling to have a handsome man so resoundingly reject her. The best thing she could do now was laugh about it.</p><p>"I'm Will Darcy," Beth mocked, holding a dead-eyed stare at Lydia until they both burst out laughing again.</p><p>"Come on, you two. He's Charles' good friend. They've known each other since before high school. I know he didn't make a very good impression-"</p><p>"Jane, he's the worst." For a moment, Beth thought about telling her sister what she had overhead but decided against it. She didn't want to say it in front of Lydia, and she still wasn't sure <em>what</em> she had overheard. She'd have to ask Jane in private what she knew about Charles's past relationships.</p><p>"I know he was really quiet tonight, and it was a rude thing to say to you, Beth. I'm sorry he did that." Jane chewed her lip. "Charles did say it took him a while to warm up to people. He and I talked when I first got there; he seemed sweet."</p><p>"<em>Sweet? </em>I don't think we're talking about the same person. He's tall," Beth said, indicating with her arm the air several inches above her head. "Wavy hair..."</p><p>"Hot." Lydia suggested. "Really hot."</p><p>"He's got to be to make up for that attitude. I'm sorry Jane, but you're not going to convince me that he's <em>sweet</em>, of all things. Rude, yes. Socially awkward, <em>yes</em>. Hot...yes," she admitted, and Lydia gave her an approving nod. "Sweet, no. Capable of holding a conversation, absolutely not."</p><p>"Well, he's here for the long weekend and we promised to hang out with them tomorrow, so-"</p><p>"Jane!" Beth interjected. She hadn't promised anyone any such thing. Now it made sense why Jane was defending him. She'd been trying to set him up with Beth.</p><p>"I am busy," Lydia said immediately, smirking. "Actually I am. I promised Mom I would go shopping with her. You're on your own," she said, pointing to Beth and giggling again. "I bet you five bucks he doesn't say more than a sentence the whole time you're there."</p><p>"Yeah, one telling me to move out of the way. What did you sign me up for?" she asked Jane in resignation.</p><p>"Nothing big, I promise. Charles wanted to have people over to swim and have a barbecue. His parents will be out of town." Jane used the rear view mirror to meet Beth's eyes in the back seat. "You can ignore him as much as you want tomorrow in retaliation. Have a drink, have a burger. Take a nap."</p><p>"Fine. I guess I'll just pretend to be asleep any time he comes around. I don't think there will be much difference in the conversation whether I'm conscious or unconscious, anyway," she finished, laughing again.</p>
<hr/><p>She'd picked her outfit carefully. Some sort of perverse opposite reaction had happened in her brain as they'd gotten ready for Charles's barbecue. Will had insulted her, and she knew he was going to be there, so she wanted to show up looking especially nice. She didn't want his attention necessarily, but she did want to make him regret being so curt the night before.</p><p>She picked her red swimsuit. It was cut high on the hips with a scoop neck and one tiny bow just above her cleavage. The cut was fairly modest, especially in comparison to the kind of suits that Lydia wore in public, but Beth thought it made her legs look long. Navy shorts, and her favorite pair of sunglasses finished the look. Just a little waterproof mascara and some lip gloss, and Beth was feeling confident.</p><p>Of course, Will was nowhere to be seen when they arrived to the small gathering. There were a couple people she recognized from Jane's high school class, and several people she didn't know who must have been Charles' friends. Music played softly in the background, punctuated by laughter and conversation. Charles had grilling tongs in one hand and a beer in another, and he greeted them warmly, waving at Beth and kissing Jane lightly.</p><p>"You're here! Drinks are in the pool house. Hot dogs should be ready soon. Pull up a chair!" Having just interacted with the opposite personality type the previous evening, for the first time Beth really appreciated just how friendly Charles was. <em>This</em> was what your partner was supposed to be like: friendly, open, and kind.</p><p>The sky was overcast and significantly cooler than the day before, so most everyone was lounging in chairs. After a few minutes of pleasant chit-chat with her acquaintances, she returned to Jane and Charles. "I'm going to grab a drink; do you want one?"</p><p>"Whatever you're having. Thanks!" Jane slunk an arm around Charles' waist while he dropped a kiss on her forehead, and Beth walked the short distance to the pool house by herself. She was genuinely happy for her sister finding a such a good boyfriend. Still, there was a twinge of that loneliness again. But maybe Charles would introduce her to one of his friends later, and maybe they would hit it off...</p><p>"Oh," she said involuntarily as she walked inside the pool house, startled to see Will there by himself leaning on the counter next to the fridge.</p><p>"Hello," he said, and Beth was embarrassed to feel her face warm under his gaze. They'd made fun of him the whole way home and she'd thought about what he had said for some time after that, and now here he was in front of her. And he <em>was</em> handsome, everything else aside. Even in just the t-shirt and shorts he was wearing today. She could see that his arms were nicely muscled.</p><p>She also noticed the very quick, subtle glance his eyes had made from her face to the top of her bathing suit and back up again. He hadn't done it with Lydia the night before when she was pushing out her chest, but he'd almost certainly just checked out Beth.</p><p>"Hi," she managed, feeling both self-conscious and at least a little vindicated that she had chosen the right swimsuit. A shy half smile played around his mouth as they looked at each other in silence.</p><p>Well, that smile was unnerving. Maybe he didn't remember who she was. She'd been sweaty and in ragged cutoffs at the festival the day before, and maybe he thought she was just another new person arriving to the party. "I'm Beth. Jane's sister."</p><p>"I remember."</p><p>More silence. Beth was regretting ever coming into this pool house, ever coming to this <em>party</em>. Why didn't he <em>say</em> something?</p><p>"I'm going to grab some drinks," she said after a beat, moving toward where Will was by the fridge.</p><p>He opened the door so she could see inside, and she grabbed two cans at random, trying to leave as quickly as she could. But as she stepped back out onto the pool patio, she'd realized he had followed her out. Apparently, he was coming too. One of the party-goers she didn't know called out to Will as they passed, and Beth wondered how he knew Charles's friends.</p><p>"Are you from around here?" she asked and Will nodded.</p><p>"I went to St. Agnes around the same time as Charles, but my mom lives in Georgetown now. I'm a year ahead of him in school."</p><p><em>Of course, you went to St. Agnes</em>, Beth found herself thinking. <em>And of course, you live in one of the richest neighborhoods in the country.</em> He was a rich kid, just like Charles. Perhaps that was the reason she hadn't been worth the effort of talking to the night before.</p><p>"I just graduated from Meryton High," Beth said. "<em>Public</em> school," she added with emphasis and a winning smile. If Will was truly such a snob as to care about where she went to school, she hoped knowing that she went to public school would be enough to end the conversation.</p><p>But if he cared, he didn't show it. "Congratulations," he said, his voice genuine, and he raised the can in his hand to cheer her. They'd reached Jane and Charles, and Jane had to stifle a smile at seeing the two walking up together. She telegraphed a "Be nice" message with her eyes, and Beth rolled her own in response. Aloud, Jane said, "We're just about to eat. Charles made you a veggie burger. Sides are inside; Charles said help yourself to anything."</p><p>Inside, the kitchen island was filled with potluck style dishes that everyone had brought along with some take-out sides from some of Jane's favorite restaurants. Beth mentally gave Charles points for his thoughtfulness. She started with the dish that she and Jane had brought—a curried chickpea salad that was tangy and perfect for summer picnics. Will had followed her inside and he shut the door behind him, momentarily making eye contact with her.</p><p>She was surprised when he started filling his plate with her dish, but he moved onto the next side and the next, indiscriminately sampling from everything laid out on the kitchen island.</p><p>"Hungry?" she quipped, raising an eyebrow. She couldn't help herself.</p><p>"I am a growing boy," he replied without missing a beat and Beth almost laughed—would have laughed had it been anyone else. He was a head taller than her already. She settled for a smile that she couldn't quite stifle despite herself.</p><p>Jane stared openly at the amount of food on Will's plate as they rejoined them, and Charles laughed at her expression.</p><p>"Will did sprints today, so he needs the calories," he answered for his friend.</p><p>"Are you training for something specific?" Jane asked, all polite interest.</p><p>"Just basic conditioning. I'm trying to stay ready for pre-season training for lacrosse in a few weeks."</p><p>Beth had disliked every single lacrosse player she had ever interacted with in high school. They sat in the back row in class, too cool to be there, giving the teachers a hard time or purposefully wasting time in class. Beth valued her education and any class she'd been in with them had been at least partially ruined by their attitude and lack of respect. They were also the ones who would wolf whistle at girls in the hallway or make comments about their bodies. Beth had heard even worse stories about some of the lacrosse players, although she didn't know what was true. If she had to rank the person that she least wanted to spend time with, it would have been one of the lacrosse players from her high school. The information certainly didn't help Beth's impression of Will. Add on <em>lax bro </em>to the list.</p><p>"Will plays lacrosse for Pemberley," Charles said proudly to the table, while Will took a bite from his burger, looking uncomfortable with the conversation.</p><p>"Wow." It popped out of her mouth before she could stop it and the tone was absolutely wrong for the context. Pemberley was not that large of a university. Not only did she have to endure Will's awkward social interactions this weekend, but there was the chance that she could see him on campus as well!</p><p>Jane looked excited, and Beth tried to nonverbally convince her to stay silent, but it was no use.</p><p>"Pemberley! Beth's going there too this fall. She'll be a freshman."</p><p>"Wow! Beth, that's great. I had no idea," Charles exclaimed. Will had blinked at the news but said nothing.</p><p>"What's your major Will?" Jane asked with interest.</p><p>"Economics. Finance concentration," was all he said, and Beth just managed to resist an eye roll. Rich, D.C., White boy, lax bro dreaming of making it big on Wall street, blissfully at the top of the patriarchy. Somehow, Will Darcy was a walking list of the all the characteristics she didn't like.</p><p>"That's a really selective school," Charles continued. "You must've worked hard to get in." Beth smiled, but Will spoke before she could respond.</p><p>"They've been trying to raise enrollment for the last few years. Higher education in general isn't doing so well, financially, so they're trying to fill beds. I work in the admission's office," he added as an afterthought. "We were doing non-stop tours this spring. They let in a ton of people."</p><p>Beth found herself staring at Will in astonishment. What a pointlessly mean thing to say. Will hadn't been looking at her when he said it, and even now, he was eating calmly. She wondered if he even realized how insulting it had sounded. But after all, she wasn't worth the effort of talking to... and apparently, she wasn't good enough for Pemberley either.</p><p><em>Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him, ignore him </em>she thought to herself. "You certainly know how to flatter a girl's ego, Will," she said, trying to play off the comment, but it still came out much icier than she had intended.</p><p>She saw the understanding flash across his face as he realized the implications of his comment. "It's still a really good school…" he offered apologetically, and Beth gave him a polite but cold smile.</p><p>"We were just saying how much we both enjoyed the band last night," Jane said, quickly maneuvering the subject to more neutral ground.</p><p>"What a fun evening!" Charles said with energy.</p><p>She saw Will subtly raise an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything else.</p><p>"What," Charles said flatly, looking at Will.</p><p>"I didn't say anything," Will replied, but as Charles continued to stare at him, he reluctantly elaborated. "It was…not unpleasant, sure."</p><p>"A rave review coming from Will," Charles said to Jane and Beth. "You missed the point of it, Will. It wasn't supposed to be like a fancy show in D.C. It's all about the small town experience."</p><p>"Right, like getting to see the bassist puke in a trashcan by a lemonade stand 10 minutes after their set."</p><p>"Always such a pessimist," Charles said with exasperation. "You can't change my mind. I thought it was great."</p><p>"You think everything is great, Charles," Will said patiently, and they all ate quietly for a few minutes.</p><p>Beth wondered how Charles, of all people, could be good friends with someone so disagreeable. But, then again, Charles <em>did</em> think everything was great, even Will Darcy.</p>
<hr/><p>The sun briefly made an appearance, and it was enough to get almost everyone into the pool. She and Jane were joined by Jane's friends from high school in the shallow end of the pool, and she welcomed the distraction from Will's comment. She found herself laughing with spirit as they dove and played a short game of keep-away with an inflated beach ball. Sometimes her eyes would land on Will, who was with Charles in the deep end, and she tried to let the memory of his comment roll off her like the water.</p><p>By the time her fingers were pruning, she'd decided that it wasn't worth it to waste energy on someone who was so...empty. He'd been rude, yes, but he was also boring, and since there wasn't a chance of them being friends, she just wanted to let it go. She wouldn't have to put up with him for long.</p><p>She had been glad for her sunglasses because she could watch the rest of the group without anyone knowing where her eyes were. Whenever their groups interacted, she'd been paying attention to how Will treated Jane, wondering if she'd catch a hint of what he'd insinuated the evening before. But he was perfectly normal. In fact, he seemed far more normal with <em>Jane</em> than he'd been with <em>her. T</em>heir conversation seemed to flow without any of the deeply awkward pauses or unintentional (or intentional) slights that had characterized her own brief interactions with Will.</p><p>He fit in easily with the group of Charles's friends, and they all laughed together, reminiscing over people they knew in school. She had never seen him really smile before, but it transformed his face. It was a lightning bolt smile. On another person, it would have been irresistible. She'd been glad that no one could tell where she was looking because she found her eyes on him more than she liked. He was lean and muscled and more than once she found herself staring without realizing it.</p><p>Beth climbed out of the pool along with Jane late in the afternoon, saying goodbye to Jane's friends. She noticed Will's steady gaze on them, self-consciously feeling like a drowned rat. Jane wrapped them both up like burritos in towels, and they sat down on a pair of reclining chairs away from the group of Charles's friends. Jane handed her another drink with a smile.</p><p>"Has Charles dated anyone else before? Or is this his first serious relationship?" Beth asked quietly, making sure her voice didn't carry.</p><p>Jane looked at her in surprise, and Beth laughed. "I'm just curious," she added. "Seeing him with his high school friends made me wonder if there'd been anyone else. He doesn't seem to have any female friends."</p><p>"I know he had another relationship," she said, even quieter than Beth, her head turned away from the group. "From what he's said, I don't think it was very happy. I got the impression that he went into it too fast and that she wasn't on the same page as him." Jane looked serious. "It's something we've talked about before, making sure that we're both feeling the same way. He told me when we first started dating that he always rushed into things. He was...nervous in the beginning."</p><p>That provided some context to what she'd overheard the day before. Perhaps Will had been trying to be a good friend. She still didn't like the assumption Will had made about Jane, even if his worry about Charles had some merit. He'd met Jane twice—what did he know about how serious their relationship was? Maybe he had good intentions, but that didn't make up for his attitude, Beth decided. He was arrogant to make assumptions about Jane, arrogant to assume that Beth wasn't worth the effort to talk to, arrogant to think he knew more about Pemberley than she did. She wouldn't expend the energy to hate him, but she didn't have to like him either.</p><p>And it was very disconcerting to keep making eye contact with him from across the pool. She didn't know what <em>he</em> meant by looking at her so much.</p><p>"I'm thinking that I want another drink," Jane said with a mischievous smile. Neither she nor Beth were really into the drinking scene, but it was a holiday weekend. Neither had anything to do the next day, and Beth loved to see her normally reserved sister in the mood for fun.</p><p>But it meant that they would have to stay the night. Will would be there too, but she hadn't had to interact with him the entire afternoon and was already feeling better about his comment, seeing the humor in it.</p><p>Dusk fell, and only the four of them remained. Charles had graciously risen to the occasion when Jane had told him her plan.</p><p>"Of course, you can stay! None of us should be driving anyway. Won't this be nice," he said a moment later, pulling Jane in for a hug and nuzzling her neck. She giggled and then swatted him away, and Beth sincerely hoped this wasn't the way the rest of the evening was going to go.</p><p>"I was surprised Sam wasn't here," Will said to Charles after a lull in the conversation. His hair had dried into unruly curls, and he sat at the edge of the pool, feet in the water.</p><p>"He never got back to me after I texted him," Charles said with a puzzled frown.</p><p>"Sam has terrible judgement, obviously." Beth joked. "Missing such a fun party. And he could have at least made up an excuse not to come. You might have known it was a lie, but it's better than saying nothing."</p><p>"I've always heard that lying was a characteristic to avoid in friends," Will replied thoughtfully.</p><p>"Meaning…friends should always tell each other the absolute truth?" she asked with some skepticism, and he nodded, turning away from the pool to face where she and the others were lounging in the chairs.</p><p>"Always? The <em>absolute</em> truth?" she repeated again, and he laughed.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"No, you're crazy."</p><p>"Am I?" he asked with interest, and Beth replied with an emphatic yes.</p><p>"Imagine this scenario," she clarified. "Your friend is having a bad day and they look terrible. If they asked you how they looked, you'd say "sorry pal, you look like dog shit"?"</p><p>"He sure would," Charles replied before Will could say anything.</p><p>"It's not doing them a favor to lie about it," Will said, pragmatically. "And if they're asking about it, they must already know the truth. Anyway, being honest and being cruel aren't the same thing. I don't think I've ever told anyone they look like dog shit," he mused. "There are hard truths, but they're usually kinder than lies in the long run."</p><p>Beth tried a different angle, trying to get him to change his answer. "Let's say your parents don't approve of a girlfriend you bring home, and they act strangely around her. She can't understand the dynamic, so she asks you why and what they think of her."</p><p>He gave her an acknowledging nod. "That one is harder. But yes, I'd tell her. Honesty is the foundation of any friendship or relationship. If it's not there, what's the point?"</p><p>She gave a low whistle, trying to imagine what it would be like to hear that from a boyfriend. "You'd really tell her? I just think that sometimes the truth can be needlessly hurtful. An omission or a little fib that prevents pain can be better than the absolute truth."</p><p>Beth's gaze landed on Charles and Jane, and she was reminded of the previous evening.</p><p>"What if-" she continued before Will could say anything else. "What if you don't approve of your friend's choice in a romantic partner?" She said each word distinctly, watching his expression carefully. "You'd be completely honest with them about that? Knowing that they'd probably pick the partner over your friendship?"</p><p>Will's expression didn't change. "It would come out eventually anyway. Better sooner than later."</p><p>Beth leaned back in her chair. "Wow, what a frightening friend you make. I can see why Charles has only had you visit once."</p><p>Charles had been watching the two debate like it was a tennis match, looking from one to the other with unease, uncomfortable with any kind of debate, even one that was mostly friendly in nature.</p><p>"I've been trying to have him visit all summer. And I can tell you, Beth, that yes, he's totally honest each and every time he blows me off."</p><p>Will shook his head at that, and Charles smiled. "Like most things, I'm sure the answer is somewhere in the middle. There are many ways to be a good friend—I'm just glad I've got all my good friends around today." He pulled Jane close and dropped a kiss on her head, making her smile foolishly.</p><p>It was neatly done, Beth had to admit. She could tell that Charles wanted her and Will to agree to disagree, otherwise she would have pressed Will on the issue more. But the conversation did add an interesting dimension to her understanding of him, what she'd overheard him say the night before, and what he'd said to her about Pemberley. Perhaps in all those situations he hadn't been trying to be an asshole on purpose. Still, it was lazy and arrogant to use honesty as the excuse for not making the effort to be tactful in conversations.</p><p>Jane and Charles stood up from their lounge chairs, unsteady on their feet. Both of them were obviously tipsy, probably owing to the fact that they hadn't eaten anything since the afternoon. On cue, Beth's stomach gave a loud growl.</p><p>"Sorry," she apologized, placing a hand over her stomach and feeling mortified, but Charles just laughed.</p><p>"You're right, Beth. It's time for pizza. This is perfect," he added a moment later with a significant look at all of them. "Because I have <em>fireworks</em>."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three miles so early in the day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The night winds down, and Will and Beth find themselves deep in conversation</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Fireworks turned out to be several boxes of Pop-It snaps and sparklers, for which Beth was deeply relieved, having pictured Charles blowing his hand or face off trying to drunkenly light explosives.</p>
<p>She'd always played with the snaps on the 4th of July as a child, and she felt nostalgia now. There was something so satisfying in throwing the tiny white blob on the ground and hearing it POP loudly. Or placing them on the ground and then stomping on each with her foot. Soon they were all really laughing, throwing the Pop-Its all over the drive-way as they waited for the pizza to be delivered. Beth was smiling ear to ear, throwing two down at a time, and she could see Jane smashing one after the other as Charles placed them down for her. She saw Will looking at her and wondered if he thought she was foolish for enjoying it so much, but she didn't care. One final POP, and Jane looked around. "Was that the last one?" she asked, sounding sad.</p>
<p>Charles picked up a box of Sparklers and rattled it, smiling in invitation.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I can handle it," Beth said, joking.</p>
<p>Charles grinned at her. "Let's live a little".</p>
<p>Charles used the lighter from the grill to start the sparkler, and Beth squealed as hers suddenly ignited, raining white hot chips of burning light over her hand. She spun around, feeling silly with glee. Will held two of his out to her, and she brought hers to touch so that there was another sudden flare as they caught.</p>
<p>"Write something, Will! I'm going to record it with my phone and slow the speed down. You have to write it backward so it'll come out normal."</p>
<p>"No pressure, just write in reverse," Will scoffed, but he gamely wrote something while Charles stood back and recorded it. He was graceful, Beth noticed absently, and obviously used to moving his body through space. Meanwhile, Jane was spinning hers around and around in the background clumsily.</p>
<p>When the pizza arrived, Charles poured them another round of drinks. They passed around the idea of watching a movie, but Charles, drunkest of all of them, was already falling asleep. He managed to stay up for another hour or two before he excused himself upstairs.</p>
<p>The house suddenly seemed quiet around them, and Jane was curled up beside her on the couch, legs tucked under her while she scrolled through her phone. Beth could see she was tired and half expected her to start nodding off. Will was lounging on the chair across from them. Beth had been shocked to hear him actually participate in the conversation at dinner, even if it was mostly in response to Charles. She had thought he might leave as soon as Charles went upstairs, but he didn't seem to mind sharing the living room with them.</p>
<p>"Oh no!" Jane said forlornly. "That's sad," she murmured again, showing Beth a picture on her phone.</p>
<p>Beth leaned over far enough to see that the photo showed a couple with a big X through the middle. Hollywood's latest 'It' couple had officially called it quits. She hadn't known they were dating in the first place. Will didn't seem to know who they were either.</p>
<p>"I loved them together," Jane continued. "They always looked like they were having such a good time. I know that social media is a big lie most of the time and some of it was for publicity. But they were cute! It seemed like they were a good match."</p>
<p>Beth smiled and quoted to herself, "Isn't it pretty to think so."</p>
<p>She had read <em>The Sun Also Rises </em>in one of her English classes in high school and written a paper on it. The ending had stuck with her and the tired resignation in the last line. She thought it fit with it being nice but naive to think that the pictures of famous couples reflected what their relationship might actually be like.</p>
<p>"I always liked Hemingway."</p>
<p>Beth slowly moved her eyes from Jane to look at Will, who was calmly taking a sip from his beer. She'd made a reference to a line in an old book and <em>he</em> was the one who picked up on it?</p>
<p>"What?" she asked, as a reflex. She had heard him perfectly.</p>
<p>"Hemingway. The Sun Also Rises. It's a great book. That's the last line, right?" he asked, and she nodded. He waved his hand around vaguely and then surprised her even more by elaborating on what he had said. "He's a singular writer. There's nobody like him. He could convey so much in so little prose."</p>
<p>Beth had to collect herself for a moment as several ideas about Will all rearranged themselves in her head. "Did you read him in high school as well?" she asked, but Will shook his head.</p>
<p>"I don't mind reading, when I have the time. And I liked his stuff."</p>
<p>"I know what you mean about Hemingway," she said after a moment. In two sentences, Will had summed up everything she felt about the writer. "I had to write a paper on that book, and I was shocked about how much I could write analyzing just a few sentences of his."</p>
<p>"He loved cats; did you know that?"</p>
<p>Beth shook her head.</p>
<p>"His house in Key West is overrun by cats and most of them have 6 toes," Will added.</p>
<p>"6 toes!" Jane exclaimed and immediately searched to pull up a picture of them. "Oh my god, Beth. Look at them!" Beth had to admit they were adorable, and Will leaned forward to see as well.</p>
<p>"Extra little toe beans," was all he said, and Jane giggled. Beth had to stifle a laugh herself at Will Darcy saying the words Toe Bean.</p>
<p>"Hemingway was definitely different," Beth added, thinking about more than just his writing.</p>
<p>Will was smiling and she thought it might be the first time he'd ever really smiled at her. She noticed for the first time that he had dimples in both cheeks. "That's what I like about art. People do the same things they've always done until someone new comes along and turns everything on its head. There's always someone offering a new version of the world."</p>
<p>She paused and took a sip of her own drink. "Like Beethoven."</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>She had anticipated arrogance and to see him looking at her with genuine curiosity threw Beth enough that she responded.</p>
<p>"He was composing at this transitional time between styles of music. At first, he went in the same vein as Mozart, but then he started deviating. When he wrote his later works, people had absolutely no idea what to do with it."</p>
<p>"I had no idea. That's more of my sister's specialty."</p>
<p>"Sister?" It was strange to imagine Will with siblings or family.</p>
<p>"My twin, actually."</p>
<p>That was even stranger. Beth tried to picture the female equivalent of Will, but the visual didn't fit at all. She didn't have to ask if they were close because Will's whole demeanor had changed when he spoke of his sister. He was obviously fond of her. Beth wondered what she must be like, and if she was capable of small talk.</p>
<p>"She got the weekend off to visit some friends in New York. But she's been busy all summer working at this bookstore in D.C."</p>
<p>"I work in a bookstore, too," Beth said, surprised at the connection. She had expected that with his family's wealth, they wouldn't do things like work a summer job.</p>
<p>"What's your favorite thing about your job?" Will asked, and Beth was caught off guard by the question. "I always ask people that. It tells you a lot about them."</p>
<p>"Jeeze, no pressure or anything," she replied sarcastically before giving him the honest answer. "I like making the displays for the different sections. We have a kind of "best of" or "staff's choice" table in each section. Every week I change out which ones are on display. Sometimes I'll try to do a theme based on the cover, or the authors, or the type of work."</p>
<p>"Who's on display now?"</p>
<p>"The Bronte sisters and Jane Austen. Master satirists, and women who managed to make it in a man's world."</p>
<p>"Huh," was all Will replied, and Beth was disappointed, expecting him to say something disparaging about that period of work or about the female authors.</p>
<p>Instead, all he said was, "I think Charles was planning to stop in soon for a birthday present." He nodded his head toward Jane, who was snoring. Jane had fallen asleep long ago, though she'd tried valiantly to stay with the conversation. She was curled up now on one end of the couch.</p>
<p>"I would try another store. Not books," Beth whispered. "Chocolate. Candles. Scarves" Beth finished, miming wrapping herself in one.</p>
<p>Will gave her an odd look. "You say it like you disapprove."</p>
<p>Beth blinked. She hadn't meant to sound like anything. "We don't have the same taste for those kinds of things. But if it's pretty or it smells nice, Jane is all about it."</p>
<p>"What would Charles be buying if it were for you?"</p>
<p>"Something unique. Something that had meaning for me and the gift giver." She shrugged. "I'd rather not get a gift than something boring you could give to anyone. "</p>
<p>"You're unusual, you know," Will said. She couldn't tell, but she didn't think his tone was complimentary.</p>
<p>"Unusual," she said in a mocking tone. "I guess I'll add that to my list of faults," she said.</p>
<p>"I don't think it's a fault," he said, and again she couldn't decipher the tone, but her heart did a weird thump in her chest and she decided it was time to change topics. She stood and walked to the fridge, asking if he'd like another drink and grabbing one for herself.</p>
<p>"So what's on this list of faults?" he asked, undeterred as she handed him the beer, his face a picture of innocence as he looked up at her.</p>
<p>"Ha, you first. I'm not saying mine unless you say yours." There was no way she was going to open up to Will Darcy about her bad habits and behaviors. She was certain he would punt the question away.</p>
<p>"Well that's easy, because I've only got the one," he said, taking a sip and Beth noticeably rolled her eyes at which he laughed. He fiddled with the label on the beer bottle and shot her a sideways look before continuing.</p>
<p>"I have a hard time forgiving people," he said slowly, and Beth was absolutely shocked that he'd given her a serious answer. "It seems like other people forget things over time and just move on, but I'm not very good at that. I'm resentful, I guess. Though I'm <em>really</em> trying not to be."</p>
<p>Beth didn't know what to say but decided that teasing at this moment was probably not a good idea. "No second chances, huh?"</p>
<p>Will shrugged and answered seriously. "I'm working on it." Then he smiled. "Okay, now you."</p>
<p>Beth looked at him guilelessly. "Lying to you about telling you one of my faults. Major fault of mine. Definitely working on it," she said, laughing at his outraged expression. "I'm unusual that way, you know."</p>
<hr/>
<p>God, he was difficult. This was the feeling that had been building all night for Beth as they continued talking. He was difficult to figure out and frustratingly stubborn about his opposing views one moment but then open to ideas or offering a complex opinion when she'd expected him to be chauvinist or oblivious to a social problem. He disagreed when she thought he shouldn't and agreed readily when she assumed he wouldn't. The way he responded to her questions was maddening: the assurance in all his answers: his pretty eyes and the turn of his mouth: his casual elegance just sitting in the living room: and above all that he wouldn't just <em>agree</em> with her.</p>
<p>He was easy to get a rise out of, that was for sure. She'd never talked to anyone who was so earnest, and it delighted her how slow he was to pick up that she was teasing. She found that she couldn't help teasing because he was so easy to rile up. But then again, wasn't he doing the same thing to her? She'd play devil's advocate just for fun only to have him fox out her real opinion by saying something so outrageous that she couldn't let it go. In a way, it was fun, but it was also making her crazy. Why wouldn't he just be what she had expected him to be?</p>
<p>"Honestly, I can't see the point sometimes," she was saying. "It's not like anything I do as an individual has any real effect on what's happening in the world. And the more I see, the less I think there's anyone out there really acting selflessly and not profiting from it some way. There are always ulterior motives. Maybe it's not on a conscious level where they know they're profiting," she said, knowing that he was going to try to make that point if she let him. "People do so much just for social approval or recognition. I have trouble thinking of a truly selfless act. There's so much to care about that it's hard to care at all sometimes."</p>
<p>Will was looking at her with disbelief. "You can't actually believe any of that."</p>
<p>Beth opened her mouth to protest heatedly. Sometimes she felt that way, and sometimes she felt just the opposite. But who was he to tell her what she thought?</p>
<p>"So you're the expert on my thoughts and feelings?" she asked, her tone dangerous. Will immediately held up his hands and backed down.</p>
<p>"No, of course not. That's not really what I meant." He paused, looking intently at her face, trying to read her expression. "If you really feel that way, then fine. It's just...there's so much opportunity to do good in the world, and I can't see you being the kind of person to pass up an opportunity to make a change for the better. I'm so lucky to have all the resources I've had, and I recognize that. I do. But it makes me feel like I have a responsibility to help others. Honestly that's why I chose economics as my major. What banks do to poor people is outrageous. Payday loans, overdraft fees, you name it. They don't have an advocate; they don't have a voice in the system. I want to change that." His face was so earnest, looking steadily at her. "And that doesn't strike me as me just being selfish or trying to get social recognition. There are good people out in the world."</p>
<p>She stared at him thoughtfully as several preconceived ideas about who he was were ruined by this speech. And after a speech like that, who could keep playing devil's advocate. She nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>"You do like debating ideas that aren't your own sometimes," he said after he'd sat back in his chair, smiling again. "You have to admit that. Maybe I didn't say it quite right earlier, but it's true. I can see when you're doing it. You look...evil."</p>
<p>"Evil?!"</p>
<p>"Just momentarily," he said, still laughing at her reaction. "In the eyes."</p>
<p>"Great. Thank you, what a compliment," she scoffed.</p>
<p>Jane gave a great yawn and sat up, eyes squinting at the light. "What time is it?" she asked in confusion, and Beth was absolutely shocked to see that it was almost 4 in the morning. Jane yawned enormously again and stood up. "Bedtime. I'm going upstairs. Is the couch okay, Beth?" Charles had brought out a pillow and blankets earlier in the night.</p>
<p>"I can sleep on the couch," Will offered, but Beth shook her head.</p>
<p>"You're already set up in the guest room. This will be fine. I'm not a picky sleeper."</p>
<p>Jane and Will both said a quiet goodnight, and then the evening was suddenly over. Beth laid down a sheet on the couch, fighting an enormous yawn of her own. She couldn't remember the last time she had stayed up so late! But it hadn't felt that late at all. It must have been the drinks they'd all had, she told herself.</p>
<p>But that had been an awfully long time to chat for someone who didn't think she was worth the effort of talking to. She didn't quite know why she had kept talking to him either, except that the conversation had flowed so naturally that she hadn't noticed how long it had been. It had been entertaining, in a weird way: that play-fighting and the debating. Her last thought before she drifted to sleep was that she'd never expected to have fun teasing Will Darcy.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The sun was shining directly into the living room with no curtain to block it, waking Beth much earlier than she would have wanted. She had not gotten enough sleep, and sleeping on the couch had made her back hurt, or maybe she'd slept in one position too long. She'd had too much pizza and probably too many drinks as well. She groaned to herself.</p>
<p>Whatever the reasons, she was not feeling great. She'd forgotten where she was for the first moments of being awake. Then she remembered she was at Charles's house, and she'd spent the whole night talking to <em>Will Darcy.</em> She couldn't remember everything they'd talked about, but it had been a lot: social issues, personal preferences, the fact that Will was resentful. She suddenly felt embarrassed but without knowing why. They'd formed a rapport as they'd talked, and the drinks had helped her not hold back her opinion. Maybe she shouldn't have said all that or teased him so much.</p>
<p>Her back was really hurting so she sat up and stretched, wishing she had something else to wear besides her swimsuit and shorts. Day 2 and it was not all that comfortable. With a sigh she stood and padded to the kitchen. She filled a large glass of water from the fridge, sipping, eyes half closed and wishing she was still asleep. Home and a shower, comfy PJs and then a nap, that's what she wanted. But she'd settle for coffee. She opened cupboards at random in the kitchen until she found the filter and grounds.</p>
<p>Will emerged not long after, puffy eyed. He was wearing mesh shorts and a t shirt, and his hair stuck up in the back. Beth suddenly felt very shy as he entered the kitchen. They had talked so much the evening before, some of it quite heated at points, and she didn't know how to act now that it was the morning and he was here with sleepy eyes and ruffled hair.</p>
<p>Will nodded at her politely and then went straight for the coffee. Then they both stood in the kitchen, sipping from mugs, not saying a word. It wasn't cold, necessarily, but it wasn't friendly either. <em>Back to normal then</em>, Beth thought dryly as the silence continued. But she felt a negative emotion that she couldn't quite identify. Disappointment? No, she knew that Will was awkward. This wasn't anything new. But she'd thought that last night had been her first glance at the real Will, but here they were with nothing to say again.</p>
<p>Like it or not, it hurt her feelings. She felt herself frowning into her mug. Perhaps this was another situation where it wasn't worth the effort to make conversation. Maybe he thought she was immature or stupid for all the things she had said the night before. The sense of embarrassment filled her again and she remembered why she hadn't liked Will in the first place.</p>
<p>Will moved to open another cupboard and held out a box of cereal, his expression asking if she wanted any.</p>
<p>"Sure," Beth said, breaking the silence. She wished that she could think of something to say that would make her feel smart and self-assured again, but it was too early. Something would come to her as soon as she got home, no doubt. How had it been so easy the night before and so painfully difficult now to think of something to say to Will?</p>
<p>Jane and Charles came down the stairs together with flushed cheeks, looking far too happy for the morning after a party.</p>
<p>"Thank god someone made coffee," Charles said with enthusiasm. "Although we can do better than cereal. Who wants a real breakfast?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A sense of very great ill usage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth meets Jamie Wickham at Carla's going-away party</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>"You're quiet," Carla said as she and Beth ate through their hummus and pita appetizer. After finally changing out of her swimsuit, showering, and taking a lengthy nap, she had met her best friend Carla for a late dinner at her favorite Mediterranean restaurant. She wanted dolmas, baba, and falafel as fast as they could bring it out to her. Maybe that would make her feel normal again. The night with Will had left her confused.</p>
<p>"Mmm, just tired," she said. Elbow on the table, she rested her head in her hand and looked with sleepy eyes at her friend.</p>
<p>"You said you'd had a late night, but not why. Fun with Jane?"</p>
<p>Beth didn't know exactly what to say and sipped on her drink. "No, I stayed up talking with Charles's friend," she finally said. She wanted Carla's opinion on the whole thing. Maybe she would be able to help Beth understand her own emotions.</p>
<p>Carla eyed her with interest. "A male friend?" and Beth nodded. "Someone you like?" Carla's brown eyes were shining with excitement for Beth.</p>
<p>Beth paused and then sighed. "No, someone I <em>don't</em> like and that's why it's so confusing."</p>
<p>She tried to explain the enigma of Will to Carla: how he was the walking list of things that were not her type, how he'd insulted her and been silent every other time they'd interacted, including this morning, how he never said what she expected, and how somehow, despite all that, they had talked for hours, and it hadn't been the shallow kind of conversation she usually had with the boys her age. It had felt meaningful—like she had made it through the icy exterior to the real Will: the one who was best friends with affable Charles.</p>
<p>"But he was so...cold this morning. Like nothing had happened. I guess nothing <em>did </em>happen..." She paused. "But <em>I </em>don't usually spend the night talking with anyone, except Jane. Now I just feel weird about last night. I wish we hadn't talked at all because then everything would be consistent, and I wouldn't be thinking about him." She hated to admit it, but he had managed to hurt her feelings. She'd opened up with him the night before, and she thought he had with her, but in the morning, it was all different.</p>
<p>Carla ate a piece of pita thoughtfully. "It's hard to say without meeting him. Obviously, you're amazing, so I think it was a major mistake to not talk to you in the first place at the festival. I can't guess his motives any better than you can. But we don't usually spend this much time talking about men you have no interest in," she finished slyly.</p>
<p>Beth huffed at that. Was she interested in Will? At 4 am this morning she might have said something else, but he'd been so distant when they'd woken up for breakfast. How could she be interested in someone who obviously had no interest in her?</p>
<p>"Part of me is worried that I've been the third wheel so long that I'm just being desperate for male attention. Then Will is here and he's new..."</p>
<p>"He's handsome?"</p>
<p>"Ugh," was all Beth could say in response, picturing that smile, and Carla nodded.</p>
<p>"That makes it harder. And you said he was just visiting for the weekend? That's a shame; otherwise, I would have told you to have Charles bring him to my going-away party next weekend." She looked at Beth for a long moment. "It's okay to be lonely, you know. You're amazing and smart, and there aren't a lot of eligible guys in this town. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself if you were enjoying the attention. You're not desperate. Maybe part of your confusion is that he doesn't fit the type of person you've imagined yourself being attracted to."</p>
<p>Beth shook her head thinking that was too much. He was handsome and tall, but what came out of his mouth sometimes was enough to make that irrelevant.</p>
<p>"No, it's just a silly thing. I don't know why I'm still thinking about it. I'm not going to see him again." She waved it off and changed the subject.</p>
<p>"Anyway, I can't believe you're leaving me to go live in D.C. and start your dream job," she said, with mock disbelief, while Carla squealed in excitement. Carla was four years older than Beth, and they had met while working as waitresses at Beth's previous summer job. It was an easy friendship, and Beth was going to miss her terribly. "What am I going to do?"</p>
<p>"Are you excited about moving?" Beth asked a few moments later, imaging what her own feelings would be. Carla had studied art history and had just landed a job working in one of the small galleries as an assistant.</p>
<p>"You have no idea," Carla said, with her lips curved into the biggest smile. "Years of hard work finally paying off...my first big girl job...new apartment..."</p>
<p>"I'm so proud of you," she said, reaching for her friend's hand. They shared a quick squeeze, and Beth felt grateful for their friendship, realizing that in just a few weeks this would be different, too. "And I am so excited that you're moving! Also devastated. But mostly trying to be happy. Do you want me to come by your party early to help you set up?"</p>
<p>"Just show up whenever. I've invited friends from all aspects of my life, so<em> that</em> should be interesting. Nothing like overlapping all your social groups to make a party fun. You're still coming to D.C. in three weeks, right?"</p>
<p>They had planned one last hurrah before Beth left for school. She wanted to give Carla a little time to unpack and settle into her apartment and then they were going to have a weekend out around the city. Beth was looking forward to it more than anything.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't miss it."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Turn left," Beth called out from the backseat of Charles's car. One week later, and despite her best efforts, she had spent a fair amount of time wondering about Will Darcy. She'd replayed their conversation from that night, feeling torn between embarrassment and confusion for why it had been so awkward in the morning.</p>
<p>Carla's going away party was just the distraction that she needed. She and Lydia were sharing the back while Jane sat up front. Beth was not pleased with Lydia's presence. She wanted to enjoy the party, but now she knew she'd spend half the time worried about whether Lydia was embarrassing all of them with her immature behavior.</p>
<p>Lydia had overheard her telling Jane about the party and had refused to take no for an answer, threatening to tell their mother that they were going to a party with alcohol if they didn't let her join. Knowing what their mother's reaction would be, Beth had been forced to let her come with them, and the smug look on Lydia's face was driving her nuts.</p>
<p>"Whose shirt are you wearing, anyway?" Beth accused her younger sister. Lydia was a notorious clothing thief. Beth had the sneaking suspicion that it was her own shirt, and Lydia hadn't asked.</p>
<p>Lydia looked down at herself, unconcerned. "It's Jane's, but it looks better on me. She gave it to me."</p>
<p>"She did not," Beth immediately responded, but Jane laughed, breaking up the impending argument.</p>
<p>"She's right; I did. I never wore it. Someone might as well get some use out of it. Mom bought it for me, but it isn't my style."</p>
<p>With its low-cut neck, Beth could see why Jane never wore it and why it appealed so much to Lydia.</p>
<p>"I'm totally wearing your push-up bra, though," Lydia giggled.</p>
<p>"Lydia!" Beth cried. She could see Charles was chuckling in the front seat. Beth scowled at her younger sister.</p>
<p>"What? The shirt just doesn't look right without a lot of cleavage. It's not like you need it anyway. Your boobs are totally big enough without it." Beth sputtered at this, but Lydia was continuing. "Plus, you never wear it anyway 'cause you're like never dating anyone. You haven't been out with anyone since Ben, and that was months ago."</p>
<p>"I—" Beth tried to interrupt, but Lydia was steam rolling ahead.</p>
<p>"And you didn't even really like him, so I know you're not broken up about him. I overheard you talking with Carla one time, and you said he was totally boring and like the lamest kiss—Ow!"</p>
<p>Beth had finally been forced to reach over and pinch the underside of her sister's upper arm, which she knew from experience was especially painful.</p>
<p>"Shut up," she murmured under her breath. She didn't need Jane's boyfriend to hear any of that. Aloud, she gave the final directions to Charles and they parked on the street.</p>
<p>Inside, Carla's house was full of people. She lived in one half of a duplex, and Beth sincerely hoped she had cleared the party with her neighbors; it was <em>loud</em>. Lydia immediately disappeared in the crowd of people. Beth recognized a few people who had gone to her high school, but the rest were strangers.</p>
<p>"Let's go say hello to Carla," Beth said, beginning to lead Jane and Charles.</p>
<p>Carla looked radiant, with her long braids in an elaborate bun and a dark red summer dress setting off the brown tones of her skin and eyes. She had gold bangles on each wrist that tinkled with metallic music any time she moved. She was the center of attention and it suited her, but she spun away from the center of the circle of people she'd been talking with to give Beth a tight hug.</p>
<p>"You look beautiful," Beth said, and Carla posed, model-esque, in her dress for a moment before laughing.</p>
<p>She gave Jane a quick hug before introducing herself to Charles. "I've heard so many nice things about you, of course. It's so great to finally meet you. And I heard you had a friend visiting last week; it's just a shame that he couldn't come to <em>this</em>," Carla said with a wicked look at Beth who had to work hard to keep her face neutral.</p>
<p>Charles looked mildly surprised at the comment, but he took it in stride. "Oh, Will? Yeah, he's a great guy. Though honestly, I don't think he'd enjoy something like this too much. He's much better one on one. Probably a good thing he's not here. Wine?" He held up the bottle of wine that he and Jane had brought, and Carla quickly pointed him in the direction of the other drinks and the wine opener.</p>
<p>As they walked away Beth drew her finger across her neck emphatically, but Carla only laughed. "Only teasing, of course," she said to placate Beth. "Let me introduce you to some friends."</p>
<p>Carla maneuvered Beth through different groups, saying hello and laughing at the different comments thrown her way. Beth found it strange to see Carla's place so empty of furniture. Everything was packed away in boxes except for a folding table, folding chairs, and her couch.</p>
<p>"Lynn, Steph, this is my friend Beth," Carla said, inserting the two of them into a small circle of people, talking loudly to be heard. The two women smiled and introduced themselves, as did the man they'd been chatting with. Beth shook his hand, looking up into almond-shaped brown eyes and white teeth against tanned olive skin.</p>
<p>"Jamie Wickham," he said to her, and then "We've met a few times..." to Carla, who assured him that she remembered, although Beth wasn't convinced that she had any idea who he was. She certainly hadn't remembered his name. But Beth found herself charmed by him, whoever he was. He laughed easily and often and seemed to make a special effort to draw her into the established conversation he'd been having so that she didn't feel awkward for joining them. It was a kind thing to do, and she appreciated it enormously as Carla left to mingle with her other guests.</p>
<p>Beth found herself admiring the way he made small talk with them and his poise. She'd thought that he had come to the party with Lynn and Steph, but it became clear after a few minutes of conversation that they were meeting him for the first time as well. Somehow, they were all talking like old friends. Jamie asked the right questions and listened attentively, though Beth thought she saw his eyes moving to her more often than strictly necessary. She wondered suddenly how old he was. College-aged? It seemed too much to hope that he was 18 as well. But there was something about him that made her want to get to know him better. The effortless charm was very attractive.</p>
<p>"You'll have to excuse me, ladies. I have some business to attend to," Jamie said with a crook in his smile. "Hopefully I'll see you all a little later." His eyes lingered on Beth as he said the last part; this time she knew she wasn't imagining it, and she felt herself smiling back at him brightly.</p>
<p>Without Jamie around, the conversation between the three women quickly fizzled as it turned out that they didn't have much in common, and no one was quite as good at small talk as he had been. They both excused themselves to refill their drinks, leaving Beth alone for the moment.</p>
<p>Beth suddenly remembered Lydia and looked around for her in the crowd, but she was nowhere in sight. Beth groaned, wishing that just once she didn't have to worry about her younger sister. Lydia unaccounted for was never a good thing.</p>
<p>She moved from the main room to the quieter back hallway and saw her sister in line for the bathroom. With a sigh of relief, she walked over, noticing Jamie suddenly as well. It was a lucky coincidence. He seemed to be shaking hands with one of the girls in front of Lydia in the line.</p>
<p>"Can you believe this line? I have to <em>pee</em>!" Lydia whined, and Beth laughed at her, as did the two girls standing in front of her. Lydia seemed to have befriended them; Beth had no doubt they'd been total strangers when Lydia had entered the line. They looked to be about Lydia's same age, and one had hastily zipped her purse as Beth had approached.</p>
<p>"Staying out of trouble?"</p>
<p>Lydia rolled her eyes. "I told you I would. Even though there are a ton of hot guys around," Lydia mumbled, her eyes looking slyly to the side in Jamie's direction. Beth gave her shoulder a few pats.</p>
<p>"There's plenty of time, Lydia. We're not going anywhere."</p>
<p>Jamie turned at the sound of her voice, and Beth was pleased to see him smile at the sight of her.</p>
<p>"Beth, we meet again."</p>
<p>The small hallway was very warm. Beth felt hot and flustered standing there, a blush creeping into her cheeks as Jamie smiled.</p>
<p>He looked over her head to the front door. "Feel like getting some air?" She nodded eagerly and he pointed for her to lead the way.</p>
<p>There were several groups of smokers out on the porch, little glowing red circles at their fingers. The quiet timbre of their conversations and the muffled beat of the music mixed well with the night air. Beth smiled to herself, catching snippets of the conversations around her. It was a nice night, and she was glad to see so many people out to say goodbye to her friend.</p>
<p>Jamie leaned against one of the porch columns as Beth was trying to decide if she liked him. Jamie knew exactly how charming he was, she decided after another few minutes of talking with him. She got the feeling that he was used to women fawning over him. Beth didn't necessarily love that, but there were worse faults. It didn't hurt that he kept up a steady stream of subtle compliments. His air of confidence never dipped into arrogance because every other sentence was self-deprecating, and he made sure she knew that he didn't take himself too seriously.</p>
<p>He also seemed genuinely interested in her, which she couldn't deny was a winning characteristic. She decided that she did, in fact, have a bit of a crush on him.</p>
<p>"Are you from around here?" Beth asked curiously.</p>
<p>"No. I grew up in New York, but I got a scholarship for St. Agnes and spent a year there before going back to New York. I graduated a year ago. I knew a lot of people in this area."</p>
<p>"St. Agnes?" Beth said with surprise. It hadn't entered her head for a moment that Jamie might have gone to school there. He didn't give off the rich kid vibe, for one thing, and he seemed entirely too well adjusted for another, she decided, thinking briefly of Will.</p>
<p>"Not what you expected?" he said with amusement, and Beth smiled sheepishly.</p>
<p>"Well...no. But that's not a bad thing."</p>
<p>"So you're not a fan of the St. Agnes crowd. Good," he said, turning to smirk at her. "Neither am I." There was an edge to his voice that made her wonder if there wasn't more to know about his time at the prep school than he was letting on, but she didn't feel like she knew him well enough to ask it.</p>
<p>But she was pleased to find out that he was Jane's age. She'd been afraid he'd be too old for her, but he was perfect.</p>
<p>"What about you?" he asked, quickly changing the subject away from himself.</p>
<p>Beth sighed. "I just graduated, thank god. I can't wait to get out of this town." Beth elaborated on her general dislike of her high school before finishing with, "I'm going to college in Massachusetts." He was a good listener, never looking at his phone, never looking bored with the conversation. It made him very likable.</p>
<p>"How does your boyfriend feel about that?" When Beth offered no response, only looking up at him from under her lashes with a shy smile, he grinned slowly. "No boyfriend? I guess I came to the right party."</p>
<p>With this flirty statement, he moved a step closer to her and Beth felt her heart rate increase. She was flattered by all his attention, but was he actually going to ask her on a date? They'd had such easy conversation throughout the evening. She smiled, looking up into his dark eyes, and then she heard her name being called faintly from inside. Charles's voice became more distinct as he reached the screen door.</p>
<p>Charles spoke as he took half a step out, holding the door open. "Beth, your sister—." He stopped speaking abruptly as his eyes adjusted and he saw who she was standing with and their body language.</p>
<p>Beth was baffled by the complexity of emotions that ran across Charles's normally serene face. Surprise and dismay. She furrowed her brow. He was looking steadily at Jamie, who held his gaze briefly before looking away.</p>
<p>The tension was palpable. Beth looked back and forth between the two of them. Having never seen a negative emotion from Charles before, even this minor display of dislike spoke volumes. Beth had to assume that they knew each other from St. Agnes and that the experience had not been a happy one. Was this why Jamie had left after a year?</p>
<p>"What were you saying, Charles?" Beth asked, trying to draw his attention back to herself.</p>
<p>"Jane just wanted you to know that she's ready to leave whenever you are." His eyes had drifted away from her while he spoke and were focused on Jamie.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Charles. I'll come back inside and get her when I'm ready," Beth responded. "Soon," she said, when it looked like he might protest.</p>
<p>Charles looked as though he wanted to disagree or say something more, but finally he sighed. Before turning to go back inside, he gave Jamie a meaningful glance that Beth couldn't interpret. She turned to Jamie expectantly. He was still leaning against the porch column, but he looked distinctly ruffled.</p>
<p>"So you're friends with Chuck Bingley," was all he said.</p>
<p>"How do you know him?" Beth asked.</p>
<p>"How do <em>you</em> know him?"</p>
<p>"He's dating my sister, and he's my friend," she added as an afterthought. He was technically her friend, she decided. She waited for Jamie to answer her question.</p>
<p>"I knew Chuck at St. Agnes. We were good buddies, actually. It's really a shame that it's like this between us now."</p>
<p>"What happened?" she asked, cautiously. Something had obviously gone wrong between them.</p>
<p>Jamie looked bitter. "His friend got me kicked out of Agnes. He told the administration..." He shot Beth a calculating look. "Well, it doesn't matter what his friend said because it wasn't true. But the Darcys had enough pull with the administration that I was gone. I would have had a good chance for a full ride for college if I'd been able to stay, but..." He scowled and let the sentence trail off.</p>
<p>Beth could not hide her surprise. Will had gotten him kicked out of school? Beth had thought about Will more than she wanted to admit since the week before, wondering what their conversation had meant, and how someone could say she wasn't worth talking to one day and then spend the whole night talking to her the next. But this was something else entirely. She pictured Will again and his quiet disdain at the 4th of July festival and his cold greeting the morning after Charles' barbecue. She tried to visualize him and Jamie together, but her brain couldn't manage it.</p>
<p>"Why did his friend do that?" she asked, desperately wanting more context.</p>
<p>"Will—that's his name—he just never liked me. He had it out for me from day one. Maybe it's because I was there on a lacrosse scholarship. I guess he thought I didn't deserve to be there. We never got along; on the field, off the field, it didn't matter. I tried to be nice to him, but it was like talking to a wall. He's just an asshole, you know? His sister, who was a total fucking mess I might add, was part of it too. Everyone believed them over me. Including Charles, it seems like. I always wondered what they'd said after I left, and what the rest of the kids thought about me. Now I'm glad I don't know."</p>
<p>"But that's—that's awful." Beth managed to say. She was trying to process everything he'd said and barely even registering Jamie's face in front of her. Parts of it sounded very familiar: trying to be nice to Will and hitting that wall of coolness instead: and Will not thinking that someone deserved to be at St. Agnes...</p>
<p>"You have no idea. The family tried to press charges on me for these completely ludicrous claims."</p>
<p>Beth was appalled at the thought. She imagined that the Darcys had easy access to lawyers. She wondered how Will could live with himself after doing such a thing. How could he have let some stupid high school conflict lead to something so out of proportion? She thought back to their conversation and how Will had said he tried to be a force for good. She wondered suddenly if that was some kind of atonement for how he'd behaved in high school. Was he passionate about it now because he'd hurt someone in the past...?</p>
<p>"That's really terrible." Beth almost couldn't believe it. But hadn't Will said that he was resentful and had a hard time forgiving? He'd been serious when he'd told her that. If that were true, it didn't seem so far out of character for him to hold a grudge against Jamie. Maybe it had just gone too far...</p>
<p>"Hey," Jamie said softly, causing her to look over at him. "Don't worry about it; it's all in the past now." He must have been able to see the change in her mood. She noticed that he looked uncomfortable and thought that she would feel the same if she had to air all her dirty laundry in front of a stranger. She wanted him to know that she didn't hold it against him.</p>
<p>"But I feel so bad for you," Beth said. She couldn't imagine having to transfer schools and start over somewhere new because of another student. She wondered again what Will's twin sister must be like.</p>
<p>"You're sweet." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I've been doing fine since then. Just leaving it to karma." He seemed eager to change the conversation and made a show out of digging into his pocket to get his cell phone. "I'd love to take you out for dinner sometime. Maybe tomorrow?"</p>
<p>Beth smiled brightly at the sudden change in conversation, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. He'd easily distracted her from the topic of Will and St. Agnes. She'd been waiting since he'd made the boyfriend comment for him to take their flirty banter forward a step. She gave him her number and he backed away as he typed in her digits.</p>
<p>"I've got to run, but tomorrow…" he promised, throwing her a charming smile as they said their goodbyes. "And thanks for listening, Beth." He waved as he backed off the porch and then was gone into the darkness.</p>
<p>Beth smiled to herself, feeling a little giddy and overwhelmed with new information. She checked her watch, balking at the late hour. No wonder Jane had wanted to leave. She opened the door and hurried inside to find her sisters.</p>
<p>"Ugh, finally," Lydia said as she spotted Beth. She and Jane rose from the couch they had been sitting on. "What took you so long?"</p>
<p>"You must've been having some good conversations," Jane said, her sentence broken by a long yawn. "Who were you out there with?"</p>
<p>"Later," Beth mumbled to her sister as Charles entered the living room from the kitchen.</p>
<p>"Carla just went to bed, so I think we should probably leave. Is everyone ready?" Charles asked, and for once he wasn't his normal jovial self.</p>
<p>Part of Beth wanted to ask him about Jamie, but as Will's good friend, anything he said would be in line with the story Will had told the administration at the time. Beth was fond of Charles, and he was sweet, but he wasn't a big thinker. Plus, it felt far too awkward to bring up, especially so late in the evening. He didn't seem eager to address what had happened outside either. She'd figure out what to do about it later.</p>
<p>"Lydia, get out," Beth said as she opened the door to the backseat. The left passenger side was filled with a few boxes, and so only the middle and right seat were open. Lydia had chosen the right seat, leaving Beth to sit in the middle. But she wasn't in the mood to deal with cramped legs the whole ride home.</p>
<p>Lydia huffed in outrage. "I totally rode in the middle on the way here. I'm not going to do it on the ride back too."</p>
<p>"I'm not kidding, Lydia. Get <em>out</em>," Beth replied, her tone getting dangerous.</p>
<p>Lydia leaned forward so that Beth could see her whole face. Her resemblance to Jane was uncanny, except Jane never wore that much eyeliner and her mouth certainly never turned in such a nasty sneer. "Make me," she said slowly.</p>
<p>Beth clenched her jaw, balling her hands into fists. There was no one like Lydia to set her off. She knew exactly the right buttons to press, and Beth was already on edge. Charles and Jane were both turned around in the front seat, looking at her with raised eyebrows. She took a deep breath and let out an enormous sigh.</p>
<p>"Fine," Beth said through clenched teeth, and she crawled into the car. Lydia sat back with a smirk.</p>
<p>Beth wasn't angry about the backseat, really. Instead she was angry with herself. She'd spent way too much time thinking about Will, almost brushing aside his arrogance and social awkwardness. Even if Jamie's revelation had to be taken with a grain of salt, it still showed Will in a deeply unflattering light. If it were true, then Will had no integrity. Trying to be good now didn't make up for what he'd done to Jamie, she decided. She pictured him in her head. The unruly curly hair, and the dimples that he almost never showed. Yes, she had thought about him a lot.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Not rich enough or grand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth learns some surprising information about Jamie</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Sunlight dappled the sheet as Beth woke the next day. She smiled at the sunshine and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Reaching for her phone, she felt a giddy sense of excitement. Maybe Jamie had already texted her about their date...</p>
<p>No messages, but that was okay. He probably wasn't an early riser or didn't want to seem too eager. She was sure by the afternoon there'd be some confirmation. She tossed her phone away and stretched. She didn't have to work this morning, and she basked in that luxury. She would do a face mask, she decided. Pamper herself before going out in the evening.</p>
<p>Waiting for the mask to dry, Beth turned her face slowly from the left to the right, examining her features.</p>
<p>She liked her face. She had eyes, so she was aware that she didn't have the same stunning features as Jane, but she'd found over the years that she didn't really want the kind of attention it brought Jane anyway. She preferred her own looks. Sure, her nose was a little longer than Jane's, and she sometimes thought her mouth looked lopsided, but all in all it was a good face. With the right angle for a photo, she even thought she looked quite pretty sometimes. Certainly more than enough to catch Jamie's eye, she thought with a smile, which cracked the clay mask in the process. Time to wipe it off and reveal the goddess beneath!</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Yikes, that's a big zit," Jane said with concern as, a few hours later, she joined Beth in the kitchen for lunch. Beth scowled deeply.</p>
<p>"Well aware, thank you," she said in a dangerous tone. The face mask had been a horrible idea as it had upset her skin, with a new red pimple rising up near her chin. With each passing hour her mood dropped because there was still no call or message from Jamie and the zit just kept getting worse.</p>
<p>Jane poured herself a glass of water and then sat down at the table across from Beth, eating leftovers from a few nights before of a spicy tofu and rice dish. "Who were you talking with last night that you didn't want to mention in front of Lydia?" Jane asked slyly, wisely changing the subject away from Beth's face, and Beth grinned at her sister. She hadn't avoided mentioning Jamie been because of Lydia, but Beth let that slide.</p>
<p>"Just a handsome young man who got my number and asked me on a date tonight," Beth finished in a sing-song voice while Jane looked at her with interest.</p>
<p>"One of Carla's friends?"</p>
<p>Beth paused. "I think so." She realized she didn't know who or how he was connected to the party. She would ask later tonight when she got the chance. "He graduated last year, so he's your age. I think he said he was from New York originally but knew some people in the area." She hoped Jane didn't ask too many more questions because Beth realized she didn't know very much about Jamie. But then again, what else were first dates for?</p>
<p>She debated whether she should bring up the weird interaction with Charles and what she'd heard about Will. But if Charles hadn't said anything about it to Jane already, maybe it wasn't worth mentioning...</p>
<p>"I had planned to ask you to stay in and have a movie night with me, but I'm really happy that you're going on a date. Honestly, that's much better; I just wanted to re-watch some old rom-coms and do my nails. A boring send off before I leave this weekend."</p>
<p>Beth sighed sadly. "That sounds really nice. Maybe I'll be able to suggest a different date to him instead." <em>If he ever even texts me in the first place</em>, she added to herself. Jane's semester started a few weeks before her own, so she and Charles would be packing up and leaving on Sunday morning. Beth wished she could have both the night in with her sister and the date with Jamie.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Pick whichever one you want. Movie night was your idea, so you get to choose," Beth said with a forced smile, her hand self-consciously running over her chin. She was not having a good day. At 8 pm, it was painfully obvious that Jamie wasn't going to call her or text like he'd said. She was not going to go on a date with a handsome man she had met at a party, or enjoy delicious food, or a good night kiss.</p>
<p>No, she was going to eat half of a pizza and wallow with the biggest zit of the century while watching other couples fall in love on screen with her sister, who was blissfully happy in her own relationship. She wasn't mad at Jane and she didn't want to ruin their last evening together before Jane left for school, so she tried to keep her feelings under wrap, but she was annoyed with herself that she had been naïve enough to actually expect him to call the next day.</p>
<p>Jamie received his fair share of the blame as she mentally upbraided him for getting her number only to stand her up. (What was the point?) But she also managed to put more than enough blame on Will as well. Of course, Jamie was wary of calling someone so closely associated with Charles and Will. It would be insane for him to come anywhere near Beth knowing that she was close to people who had either done him wrong or who were clearly sympathetic to the Darcys. Why hadn't she thought of that last night? She'd told him Charles was her friend.</p>
<p>Will and Charles had been best friends at St. Agnes. She might as well have announced her engagement to Will; it would have had the same immediate effect of scaring off Jamie. She realized now that Jamie had just been trying to make a quick exit out of the party where Charles was. They'd had great conversation and chemistry, but she was sure he'd gotten cold feet this morning after really thinking about how closely she was associated with the kids who had ruined his life in high school.</p>
<p>"If I eat another slice I'm going to explode," Jane moaned dramatically, and Beth tried to give her a smile but didn't manage it very well.</p>
<p>"Are you okay? I know this wasn't how you thought your night was going to turn out."</p>
<p>"I just feel stupid," she finally said. "I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I should have known he'd get scared off."</p>
<p>Jane looked at her quizzically. "Why would he be scared of taking you on a date? You said you had great chemistry together. There's no way you could have known he wouldn't call you. Not every guy is like that."</p>
<p>Beth launched into an explanation of everything Jamie had told her, figuring it was the only way to explain Jamie's behavior. "So, Will and his sister basically ruined his life, and then I told him what good friends I was with Charles, so of course he bolted. I mean, he practically ran away from the party. That's why I should have known."</p>
<p>However, instead of the immediate support Beth expected to receive from her sister, Jane looked troubled by the information.</p>
<p>"I don't know," she said slowly. "I've never heard Charles talk about Jamie at all. What a terrible thing for the Darcys to do! Can it be true? I feel like Charles would have told me about it before Will visited. I haven't met Will's sister, but Charles hasn't ever said anything about her being a mess, or whatever Jamie called her. And Will... you've met him. He does not come off like the type to go out of his way to hurt someone."</p>
<p>"I have met Will and he insulted me to my face! Remember? Maybe he's not going out of his way to hurt people, but he rubs people the wrong way, and if they were teammates, I could see it escalating. Will told me when you were sleeping that he was a really resentful person. Jamie was probably exaggerating, but I bet there's some truth to the story," Beth added quickly as Jane looked like she was going to disagree more.</p>
<p>"Are you sure that Jamie was telling you the truth?" she asked gently.</p>
<p>"He and Charles didn't react well to each other, so there's something to it. Can't you see how well everything fits? The way Jamie was talking…it just made sense."</p>
<p>Jane was used to her sister's stubbornness and her desire to be right. She tried again to gently suggest a different perspective to Beth, knowing that once Beth had formed an opinion it was an uphill battle to get her to change it. "I know you and Will didn't hit it off in the beginning, and he shouldn't have made that comment about Pemberley, I agree. It was a dumb thing to say. But he's not a bad person. We spent the weekend with him, and he's just not. Plus, Jamie said he was going to call and he didn't," she finished.</p>
<p>Beth's teeth clicked as she suddenly closed her mouth, Jane's point cutting off what she had been about to say. That evidence was undeniable; Jamie had not called. But she couldn't help seeing everything from Jamie's perspective. She wouldn't have wanted to hang out with someone who was close to people who had done her wrong. He hadn't called, and it had hurt her feelings, but she could also see why he would have done it. She could <em>not</em> see why Will acted the way that he did.</p>
<p>"I don't know," she finally said, feeling weary of the conversation.</p>
<p>"I don't think we can know unless you ask Will directly." She paused as Beth let out a giant Ha! in response. Like he would tell them anything so personal. Like she would ever be in a situation where she could ask such a question! "But I don't think he's as bad as Jamie made him out to be."</p>
<p>"None of it matters anyway." As a distraction, Beth reached for her phone, feeling almost masochistic. There were no messages from Jamie, and she hadn't really expected there to be any, yet she still felt a small wave of disappointment. "Nothing is going to happen with Jamie now."</p>
<p>Jane looked like she wanted to say more but let the conversation drop, turning back to the movie.</p>
<p>Beth sighed. Everything she did romantically was a complete dud. Watching romantic comedies certainly didn't help her mood. She put her phone away, vowing not to look at it again. She couldn't control what was happening with Jamie, but she could control her attitude. She lightly grabbed ahold of Jane's foot, giving it a playful shake to get her sister's attention and then smiled to show that her mood hadn't been ruined. Jane smiled back, giving Beth's hand a few consoling pats.</p>
<p>Lydia came home a little after midnight, wearing tight black pants and a sheer black shirt over a black bra. Beth wondered if she and her friends had taken the train in to D.C. to go to one of the 18+ dance clubs. She seemed in high spirits, and there was nowhere in their small town that would have let underage girls in.</p>
<p>"Beth!" Lydia cried out happily, sinking down onto the couch next to her and wrapping her in a big hug. Beth made a muffled response in shock and then hugged her sister back mechanically. Lydia sat back and stared at Beth with glittering eyes; her pupils were dilated so that only a small ring of the light blue iris was visible. "I totally love you, Beth. I just needed to tell you."</p>
<p>Beth blinked but smiled back at her younger sister. "Uh, I love you too, Lydia," Beth said after a moment. Lydia rubbed her nose, absently sniffing, and then moved to give Jane an enormous hug as well. "And you, Jane. You're so beautiful."</p>
<p>"Thanks, Lydia. You know I love you, too".</p>
<p>"You know those girls I met in line at the party yesterday? They invited me out, and holy shit do they know how to have fun. We saw the <em>best</em> DJ," Lydia said, confirming Beth's guess about where she had been. Lydia had an ever-changing group of acquaintances that she cycled through, so this was no surprise to Beth or Jane.</p>
<p>"We're just having a movie night if you want to join."</p>
<p>"Oh my god, yes!" She settled in between the two of them on the couch and kicked off her heels, laughing exuberantly at any of the comedic elements in the movie. "This movie is awesome," she added after some time had passed. "Like, it's really the best. We need to do this more."</p>
<p>Beth leaned forward to look at Jane, who telegraphed an 'I don't know either' look. Lydia was usually temperamental, confrontational, and almost never gave compliments or words of affection, so Beth decided to roll with it. She'd take a strange but nice version of her sister over Lydia's regular personality any day. Plus, it seemed right to have the three of them together on one of Jane's last nights in town before her semester started.</p>
<hr/>
<p>What Beth had taken to be exuberance the night before appeared to have been intoxication. Lydia was a mess the next morning as she and their mother prepared to go run errands for one of her school projects. Pale and haggard, Lydia had on her largest pair of sunglasses even though the day was overcast. Beth found that she couldn't feel sorry for her sister. Beth had the house to herself for the morning. She enjoyed the unusual quiet as she poured herself a glass of orange juice and grabbed a handful of cereal. Her phone rang from her pocket, and she happily answered for Carla.</p>
<p>"What are you eating?" Carla began as a greeting.</p>
<p>"Some Chex," Beth said, popping a few more in her mouth.</p>
<p>"So loud. So gross."</p>
<p>Beth chomped harder for emphasis. "What's up? How's the new place?"</p>
<p>"Ugh," Carla said. "I stayed out too late and I drank too much."</p>
<p>"Don't worry; you don't sound nearly as bad as Lydia. I thought she was going to puke in the kitchen sink this morning."</p>
<p>"That's Lydia for you. I'm not that bad. Just tired. My neighborhood is great. It's just one night, but I'm really liking it so far. There's a couple of nice bars, a little clothing boutique...sushi. I just finished unpacking last night after going at it for hours and decided to celebrate."</p>
<p>Beth laughed. "Sounds a lot more exciting than my night. Jane and I watched rom coms until she fell asleep at 12:30." While she was talking, she reached into their refrigerator for a cold slice of pizza, phone cradled against her ear and shoulder.</p>
<p>"Oh, really? But weren't you supposed to meet up with someone? I thought that's what you texted me."</p>
<p>Beth rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but he never called," she said tersely. "It was Jamie Wickham. I met him at your going away party. Do you know him?"</p>
<p>Carla paused, thinking. "I've met him a few times, though I don't remember exactly when. He's a friend of a friend; that kind of thing. I think he's a drug dealer."</p>
<p>"<em>What</em>?" Beth almost dropped the phone in surprise. She had wanted to get more information from Carla, but that was the very last thing she had expected to hear.</p>
<p>"Or wait—maybe he just <em>used</em> to be a drug dealer."</p>
<p>Beth was looking aghast, half eaten piece of pizza forgotten in her hand. She had not gotten that impression from Jamie at all. Sure, he'd had a laid-back vibe, and she would have said almost certainly that he smoked pot, but not anything more than that. "Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"Nope," Carla replied, laughing. "I really can't remember. Jess had a friend that used to deal pot and coke, and I was thinking his name was Jamie Wickham, but now I think it was probably someone else. If you were into him, then he can't be, right?" She continued. "Jamie has seemed really cool every time I've met him."</p>
<p>Beth felt relieved at Carla's uncertainty but was still feeling a rattled. She tried to make light of it. "Yeah, and he also doesn't seem to know how to use a phone, so he couldn't be a drug dealer," she joked.</p>
<p>Beth had already resigned herself to the fact that he wouldn't call, but she had been hoping that Carla could at least give her a more clarity into his background and help her feel more certain about who to believe.</p>
<p>She'd realized that it was more the idea of him and not going on a date that made her sad, rather than anything about him. Meeting a handsome stranger at a party had been exciting, but it wasn't like she'd met her soulmate. She'd just wanted someone to go out and have fun with. She wished that Jamie had been a nice handsome stranger who had called her as soon as she had gotten home to ask her on a date. That was how she deserved to be treated, not to sit around waiting for a possible drug dealer to stand her up.</p>
<p>Carla was making a sympathetic sound into the phone. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, Beth. From what I know, Jamie is kind of a flake. You're too good for him anyway."</p>
<p>Beth smiled, thankful for Carla's support. "When do you start work?" she asked, changing the subject.</p>
<p>"In two days! And then you'll be here next weekend and I can't wait to show you around the neighborhood. We'll make you forget all about Jamie Wickham."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. She sallied forth into the village</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth visits Carla in DC and receives a surprise</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beth hiked her duffel bag on her shoulder and double-checked Carla's address one more time. She'd taken the train in to D.C. and then made her way to Adams Morgan where Carla lived, walking with wide eyes past the rainbow-colored architecture. Every building was painted a different color, all of them bright and eye-catching. The neighborhood had an energy and an excitement to it that she'd never felt before.</p>
<p>Carla had not been exaggerating about the different restaurant options. Beth saw Korean, Persian, and Japanese food, and multiple bourbon centered bars. There was more to do in one block than in her entire town. The benefits of city living, she mused. She pressed the button on a nondescript building and Carla buzzed her up with an excited squeal.</p>
<p>Carla greeted her on the ground floor in the tiny foyer by the mailboxes, and they had a loud reunion filled with hugs. Inside was dimly lit and musty smelling but nice enough. Beth couldn't imagine what the really nice apartments must cost. Up a few flights of stairs and she was ushered into the apartment by Carla.</p>
<p>Carla's apartment was tiny. The walls had a fresh coat of white paint, there were pretty wood floors, and the kitchen was the tiniest Beth had ever seen: more like a kitchenette than anything anyone could do any cooking in. But then again, what was the point of living near 5 restaurants if you wanted to cook. The bedroom was small, with just enough room for a bed and a nightstand, and the bathroom hadn't been updated in many, many years. Despite its size, it did have some charm to it with windows that faced into the courtyard in the back. She could see Carla's influence all over in the few pieces of artwork on the walls and the knick-knacks. For a first apartment, Beth thought it was pretty and stylish. She told Carla so and watched her glow with the compliment.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you like it. Here's your favorite comfy couch." Carla said. "Hope you don't mind crashing on it." She looked at Beth thoughtfully. "Are you hungry? I've heard the sushi place around the corner is really good..."</p>
<p>Sliding into the booth, Beth looked around with appreciation. She opened the menu and inwardly groaned at the city prices but tried to remind herself that this was a last hurrah before she started college and that she was allowed to splurge. Holding a small cup of green tea, she smiled across the table at Carla. "How has it been? Are you adjusting?"</p>
<p>Carla sighed, one corner of her mouth turning down. "Honestly it's been a little lonely. Everyone at work is friendly, but it's a small operation and they're all middle-aged women. Turns out I don't really know how to make friends. I either met them at school or through work, so I've been a little bummed this first week. Maybe I'm just homesick, but I feel anonymous and replaceable. And a little lost."</p>
<p>She looked forlornly at Beth, who felt a pang of sympathy. "I bet that's hard." Their sushi had arrived, and she dug in eagerly with chopsticks.</p>
<p>Carla spoke around the piece she'd popped into her own mouth. "In college it's easy. Everyone is all starting out new at the same time and are receptive to making friends. I guess I imagined it would be like that. But people my age already have their set of friends, and so no one tries or goes out of their way to meet someone new. I've been watching a lot of television, let's put it that way."</p>
<p>Beth looked at her friend, remembering how friendly she'd been to Beth when she first started her waitress job, how smart and funny Carla's conversation was, how generous she was as a person, and how beautiful she was with her coffee colored skin and brown eyes. Beth couldn't imagine that Carla should feel lonely or have trouble making friends. She wished she had advice, but she was far out of her own range of experiences.</p>
<p>"I've been thinking I might join a kickball league or something. The vibe seems to be more about the drinking as a team than anything athletic. But the other problem is that all the people my age are junior staffers for senators or judges and <em>so</em> into politics. Not the kind of person I'm trying to meet. But," she said after a pause, seeming to gather up her spirits. "It's just the first week, and everything else about moving and my job has been great, so I know I just need to give it time. Speaking of my job, I have a proposition for you."</p>
<p>"Oh?"</p>
<p>"Tomorrow night is the opening of a new collection and I have to be there to work it. You could do some exploring on your own, but I thought you might like to come to the gallery. There will be free hors d'oeuvres and champagne. And there should be all sorts of socialites and minor politicians. "</p>
<p>"That sounds amazing!" She bit the corner of her lip. "But I didn't bring anything to wear to something like that." She thought about the clothing she had packed, and nothing seemed appropriate for a more formal event.</p>
<p>"You can borrow something of mine," Carla said with a wave of her hand. Their styles weren't that similar, with Carla favoring much bolder colors and patterns than Beth usually did. But anything would beat wearing a t-shirt and shorts.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She ran her hand over the shirts and dresses in Carla's closet. Dark blue velvet, a shimmering red skirt, linen pants, green silk, a sheer tunic in coral red. Her hand rested on a satiny, silky black fabric, and she pulled it free from the rest. The dress was simple with a 90's era style. Thin spaghetti straps led to a cowl neckline with a bottom cut on the bias. She pulled it over her head to see the effect in the full-length mirror. The cowl made the neckline modest, while somehow accentuating the bust at the same time. It fit through the waist and then draped prettily against her hips and legs, landing just below the knees. The cut was sophisticated but not overly fancy. Simple, tasteful, but somehow still a little sexy. She could wear it with the black flats she'd brought from home.</p>
<p>Carla was leaning against the door frame to her room, and she nodded in approval. "That's <em>perfect. </em>You'll fit right in."</p>
<p>"It's not too much? I don't want to be overdressed."</p>
<p>"There's no such thing, darling."</p>
<hr/>
<p>She slept surprisingly well on Carla's couch, and they spent the morning out in the neighborhood getting coffee and visiting the boutique stores. Beth got to see the hustle and bustle of the morning commute and the relative calm of the afternoon. Then it was time to get ready for the gallery showing. She borrowed a necklace with a large, single red stone on a chain from Carla to complete her outfit. She liked the way the cold stone felt against her neck. It wasn't every night that she got to dress up for a party, and so Beth took extra care in getting ready, choosing a bold red lipstick and just mascara and light eyeliner for her eyes.</p>
<p>Beth was giddy as they walked and took several buses from Carla's neighborhood to Georgetown where the gallery was located. The bus map had been incomprehensible to Beth, but Carla was unphased as they took the route that she traveled to work every day. Beth was more than jealous of Carla, who suddenly had a big-girl life of her own complete with an apartment and a steady job where she got to attend expensive parties for free. She tried to remember the downsides and the loneliness, but that was hard when the night's weather was so beautiful and they were on their way to a party.</p>
<p>They detoured momentarily so that Beth could see the C &amp; O canal that flowed slowly beside the street and sidewalk. The scene was beautiful in the twilight as trees lofted gently over the water; the reflection of the classic brick brownstone buildings reflected clearly in the still waters. The neighborhood didn't look like any she had seen before in her small town and reminded her instead of what she thought Europe must look like.</p>
<p>The gallery was empty as they arrived. Catering was setting up small tables and filling champagne glasses and trays with small bites of food. Beth felt small compared to the arching white walls and the expansive dark hardwood floors of the gallery. Finally, it was time for the evening to start, and Carla brought her a glass of champagne. They toasted each other, and Carla promised to stop by whenever she had the time to check in on Beth. At first there was no one, and then all at once the space was crowded with people. Everyone was slender, and she felt happy that she'd chosen to wear black, as the colors people wore were almost uniformly monochrome.</p>
<p>Beth suddenly smiled to herself, feeling everything was right in the world. She liked the taste of the cool, crisp bubbles, and the feeling of importance she got from standing in a posh gallery drinking champagne. She wished that Jane could be with her to enjoy the party, and that Lydia could see her just so she would be jealous. Beth was free to wander the gallery by herself, and she was fascinated by the artist's style and use of colors. She was happy to be alone, as she could take as long as she liked to look at the artwork on display. Some of it was simply astounding, like the painting with the mass of swirling colors that looked like chaos until it became clear that the picture was just as strictly ordered and beautiful as a melody. Beth stared at the painting for a long while, wondering if everyone was seeing the same beauty she was.</p>
<p>Standing amid the crowd of people in her borrowed dress, drinking her second glass of champagne, Beth was both happy and a little tipsy. Not having her own conversations allowed her to listen to others talk about the artwork, and she couldn't help but inwardly laugh at the pundit who was loudly trying to explain the "deep meaning" behind the pieces of spun glass in a case that were so obviously shaped like sperm. Beth rolled her eyes at him and turned to see Carla waving her over.</p>
<p>Beth joined her friend, who was standing and talking with an older woman. Her hair was cut in a severe bob that was gray but with a fashionable streak of white running along the hair that framed her face. She wondered if she was Carla's boss. A sense of authority radiated from her. Carla confirmed her suspicion as she introduced Beth. "Catherine, this is my very good friend Beth, who took the train in from Maryland. Beth, this is Catherine Bourgh. She owns this beautiful building and the gallery."</p>
<p>Catherine was tall, at least a full four inches taller than Beth, and Beth could tell that she had once been very beautiful. She had a few fine lines around her mouth and eyes, but her skin had a luminous quality that spoke of expensive skin care. Beth couldn't tell exactly how old she was, but she was aging well, as only the very wealthy could do. Her handshake was firm and Beth tried not to flinch as the long bony fingers grasped her own. Her dress was simple, conservative and black, but the ostentatious diamond necklace gave away the fact that she was very rich. No wonder she could afford to own a gallery in Georgetown.</p>
<p>"Charmed, I'm sure," Catherine murmured, her eyes running critically over Beth's outfit. Apparently, she passed the test because Catherine turned her eyes to the crowd without a comment or facial expression. Beth signed inwardly, grateful that she had borrowed the dress and wasn't here in street clothes. She could imagine Catherine being severe about anything she disapproved of.</p>
<p>"It's a good showing, Carla," Catherine continued. "I think your posts on the interwebs must have done something. A better turnout than normal."</p>
<p>Beth tried to hide a smile at Catherine's use of "interwebs". Older than she appeared then, making Beth wonder just how expensive her night cream was.</p>
<p>"Well," Catherine said, turning her attention back to Beth. "Bennet was your last name you said? Any relation to the Bennettes in Santa Monica?"</p>
<p>Beth had to shake her head no, and Catherine sighed. "That's a shame. They make wonderful diamond jewelry. Where is it in Maryland that you live?"</p>
<p>Catherine was very interested in her family. She seemed to be trying to find a mutual acquaintance to talk about. Unfortunately, the Bennets and Ms. Bourgh came from very different social circles. Catherine surmised that fact quickly, and Beth had the feeling that Catherine's interest in her would soon wane. Connections were useful but a little nobody from the suburbs was not. She was looking critically at Beth again, and Beth braced herself for a nasty comment. However, all Catherine asked was her age.</p>
<p>"I'm 21." Beth decided to lie on the spot. She had no idea if Catherine had seen her with the champagne flute and she couldn't imagine a worse person to be scolded by. She didn't envy Carla the pressure of working under her.</p>
<p>Catherine smiled a patient smile, not without condescension. "Ah yes; the age where one thinks they know it all. My nephew's age. He's here, somewhere." She waved vaguely and Beth prayed that's was far as it went. Beth didn't know if she could handle making small talk with a younger, male version of Catherine. This version was scary enough. But Beth's lack of social status protected her, and Catherine didn't pursue it further. She had a feeling that if she did have some relation to the rich Bennettes in Santa Monica that Catherine would have called her nephew over in a hurry.</p>
<p>She wished she could think of a polite way to end her conversation with Catherine. Carla was busy speaking with one of the potential customers, and all the attention was making Beth uncomfortable; she never knew when Catherine was going to slide in one of her biting remarks.</p>
<p>"You must be a student then?" Catherine asked and then nodded in approval when Beth said yes. "Good, it's absolutely necessary these days. Employers would never consider you otherwise. Which school?"</p>
<p>"Pemberley."</p>
<p>Here Beth had the satisfaction of watching Catherine's eyebrows raise dramatically, followed by another appraising look from head to toe. "But that's an excellent school, dear. I wouldn't have guessed. You must be a strong student."</p>
<p>Again, the mixed compliment left Beth unsure what to do with her face. Why did everyone assume she wasn't good enough for the school she'd gotten into?</p>
<p>"In fact, my nephew goes there as well. Perhaps we will have to call him over..." Catherine trailed off, looking around the room, and Beth felt panic start to rise inside of her. If they started asking her any questions about Pemberley, like her major or where she lived, it would be obvious that she'd lied about her age. It was true that she was going there, but not that she'd been there for two years already. Time to exit the conversation.</p>
<p>"Oh <em>no</em>, I think I left my jacket in the bathroom. It was lovely meeting you, but if you'll excuse me..." She hadn't worn a jacket, and she certainly hadn't left it in the bathroom, but Catherine didn't know that.</p>
<p>"By all means dear," Catherine said, waving her off. With a sigh of relief Beth walked away into the crowd, hoping she'd never have to have a one on one conversation with Catherine Bourgh ever again. What a stuck up, self-absorbed, elitist, hag.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The gallery had cleared a little. She noticed several paintings and a sculpture that she had missed the first time around, and she walked over to inspect them more closely. The same man who had been speaking loudly about the spun glass sperm now seemed to be lecturing about the sculpture. He'd been her favorite part of the evening so far; she loved making fun of ridiculous people in her head. The sculpture he was describing was decidedly modern, showing a head with three faces with pieces of glass like a mirror on the wall behind it. An attractive blond woman at his elbow was absorbing every word the man said.</p>
<p>He was in his mid-thirties, she guessed, wearing a tan sweater, skinny black jeans, and thick rimmed glasses. His speech was dotted with words like 'nouveau' and 'deco' but Beth was certain that the majority of what he was saying was complete nonsense. She'd had an art history class and nothing about this piece said art nouveau to her. She guessed that he was spouting off random art terms to impress his date. Beth was suddenly struck with a wicked idea. She walked up to stand on the other side of the man and began nodding emphatically to the points he was making. He gave her a nod and continued with his lecture about the sculpture. When he broke off to take a breath, Beth, with as much dignity as she could muster, said "I think the artist must have been profoundly influenced by the Jacobean period."</p>
<p>She'd gone for the most obscure and irrelevant era she could think of—one that had no association with art, but the man was nodding as seriously as if she'd made a real point.</p>
<p>"Yes, yes perhaps," he murmured, his chin is his hands, and Beth had to fight hard not to burst out laughing. She had been right; he was posing as an art pundit just to impress the blond woman at his arm.</p>
<p>"It's pure Machiavelli if you ask me," said another, deeper male voice just behind her. "Just look at the end result."</p>
<p>The man nodded again with a quick look over his shoulder, but then he hurriedly ushered the blond woman away to another painting, afraid that he was about to be exposed as a fraud.</p>
<p>Beth laughed at the comment, pleased that someone else had caught on. She turned around to see who else had spoken and was at eye level with a nice pair of shoulders in a black suit jacket. Strange that those shoulders looked oddly familiar... She looked up to meet Will's green eyes looking down at her. His hair was shorter, she noticed immediately, and parted to one side but still unruly at the edges. Beth had to stop herself from gawking both in true shock at seeing him there and because the long lines of Will's body were made for suits. It wasn't at all like seeing the boys from her high school when they had to dress up for presentations or for prom in ill-fitting loose pants and baggy untucked shirts. He looked like an adult and almost like model, and she was <em>so</em> not prepared to see him.</p>
<p>Had he always been this attractive? Why was he at Carla's gallery? Was she going to have to force conversation with him for the next 10 minutes? Or would he just stand silently and not say anything to her? What had really happened with him and Jamie? The thoughts raced by in a matter of moments before she could form a sentence.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here?" they asked at the same time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Talk by rule</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth talks with Will at the gallery opening</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Turn My 6's to 9's</p><p>Chapter 7: Talk by rule</p>
<hr/><p>"Oh, my god," Beth said. She knew she was blushing. This was a strange dream. It had to be one of those dreams. Next, he'd ask her to go make omelets in the back kitchen with her second grade teacher. But Will was there in front of her, as real as real could be and taller than she remembered.</p><p>He smiled nervously, and she noticed he looked as unsure as she felt. "I wasn't sure it was you when I saw you. You look...different. Hello."</p><p>The pause in his sentence was telling, she thought, and not all that complimentary. She didn't think a change in clothes made <em>that</em> much difference in how she looked. But then again, hadn't she just been having a strong reaction to his suit? She was honestly surprised he'd made the effort to say hello at all, but maybe it was the novelty of seeing her somewhere unexpected. The last time she'd seen him had been the morning after Charles's barbecue. Had they really spent all that time talking?</p><p>"Hi. Slightly different apparel than my swimsuit, I guess," she said, thinking back to her outfit on the night of Charles' barbecue.</p><p>"Hmm," was his noncommittal response. This time his eyes didn't leave her face, but she got the impression that he was remembering the cut of her swimsuit too and that it was just conscious will-power keeping him from glancing at the neckline of her dress. Her heart beat strangely at that idea, and she couldn't help imagining that Will's view of her neckline from a foot up was probably pretty good. She had to force herself not to fiddle with the dress. <em>His</em> suit was influencing her, she decided. Making him seem so handsome and sophisticated. Making her respond so strangely to a simple "Hmm".</p><p>"My friend Carla works here," she finally answered, trying to move the attention away from her outfit. "She's the new gallery assistant. I'm visiting her before school starts. She just moved."</p><p>"How strange," he said, making Beth crinkle her forehead. She didn't see what was strange about her friend's employment.</p><p>At her look, he elaborated. "My aunt owns this gallery," he said with pride. "My cousin and I are here as a family tradition. We try to come to the shows whenever we can."</p><p>There was far too much information to unpack from that sentence. "Your aunt and your cousin?"</p><p>Catherine was his aunt?! She could see it, now that she knew. They both had that pride and the terrible bedside manner, not to mention the complete shock at her going to Pemberley; that must have been where Will got it from. She was tall like Will, too, with the same nice features. She thought of Catherine's ostentatious diamond necklace, and suddenly Will's perfectly cut suit made more sense. He'd probably had to go to things like this and schmooze since he could first walk. She could tell from the way he wore the suit and his casual, almost blasé attitude that this event was no more than a typical evening to him. She imagined what it must be like to come from so much money. No wonder he was so hard to understand. She had no experience in the world he lived in, and it seemed like he had no experience in hers.</p><p>"Yeah," Will continued. "They're both around here somewhere. Though I don't know where my cousin went..." He craned his neck around. "I'll do an introduction if she's free for the moment. My aunt's right over there."</p><p>"We've met," Beth said flatly and Will laughed brightly, both in surprise and true mirth. If she hadn't already been feeling overwhelmed, the way his smile transformed his features would have done it. She couldn't seem to pull herself together.</p><p>"I see. You must have met her from your tone. She can be intense, but she always means well. Deep down," he added as a qualifier, and Beth finally had something clever to add.</p><p>"Deep down, right," Beth said with a disbelieving smile. "Like maybe a few miles down."</p><p>He smiled again, and then a moment passed where they simply looked at each other. Beth began to feel the familiar worry of what to say next.</p><p>"Is this your first time at a gallery?" Will asked. Apparently, she was getting the talkative version of him tonight. She wondered if he'd been sampling the champagne.</p><p>She nodded. "Not too many galleries in Meryton. Unless you count the one with all the dolphin figurines."</p><p>He laughed again. "Sounds intriguing."</p><p>"It's not," she said flatly and then laughed herself. "High school art history is about all that Meryton has to offer. I enjoyed that class though; I was hoping to take another one at Pemberley if I could."</p><p>He looked surprised for a moment and then thoughtful. "You never came into the city for the national gallery of art or the national portrait gallery?"</p><p>Beth was feeling smaller by the second and like some uncultured girl from the suburbs in a borrowed dress. Leave it to Will to bring down her mood. "I can't say it was on my parents' priority list growing up, and the train isn't free, after all."</p><p>The money aspect had never occurred to him; she could see that clearly on his face as he took in her point, blinking slowing as the understanding sunk in.</p><p>"The galleries themselves are free, if you're already in the city. I think you'd like them. How long are you visiting Carla?"</p><p>"Just this weekend," she replied slowly, wondering his aim.</p><p>"Maybe—" but Beth never got to find out what he was going to say. A man with an expensive looking camera dangling from his neck interrupted their conversation.</p><p>"Can I take your picture for DC Scene. com? Great. Get closer together; don't be shy."</p><p>Beth's only consolation was that Will looked just as confused and as much like a deer in headlights as she did.</p><p>"Oh-" was all Will had managed to say, and "But-" was all Beth got out before the photographer motioned them to stand close together until they complied. Will's hand was on the bare skin of her arm and the whole length of her body was warm where their sides touched.</p><p>"Smile!" the photographer said, and with a click and a flash so bright that Beth was momentarily blinded, their picture was taken. She wasn't sure if she'd managed to smile or not. "This'll be up on the website tomorrow if you want to see it. Here's a card with the link. Thanks." He handed the card to Will and then briskly walked away to photograph a small group of women standing nearby.</p><p>Beth tried to blink away the after-images. She realized she was blushing hotly as she stepped away from Will. This was too much: seeing him so unexpectedly, learning his connection to the gallery, and then having their photo taken. She could still feel the sensation of standing next to him.</p><p>"I told Carla I would check in with her," she said rapidly. Her own reaction was overwhelming. "I'll...um..." she shrugged, backing away from him, but he just nodded graciously.</p><p>"Of course. I'll see you around."</p><p>In the bathroom a few moments later, she ran cool water over her hand and then touched the back of her neck and her collarbone. She looked into her reflection, trying to take stock. Her eyes were dark in the dim lighting, but her makeup was still fresh. She didn't even need to redo her lipstick. From the outside, everything looked good; it was on the inside that she felt so thrown.</p><p>Will was at the gallery, unexpectedly, and that would have confused anyone, she told herself. She was shocked to run in to him, and then embarrassed by that photographer seeming to assume that they were a couple. But that was normal, she reasoned. Maybe she'd even find the website and laugh at how silly the picture of them was tomorrow...</p><p>She smiled at her reflection, feeling her sense of humor return to her as she thought about how goofy that photo must look. Will being there wasn't <em>that </em>big of a deal. In a way, it was gratifying that he had said hello at all. Maybe he'd just been hungover the morning after the barbecue. Maybe she hadn't embarrassed herself that night like she had sometimes imagined. She felt her mood improve.</p><p>On a whim before she opened the door to leave the bathroom, she took out her cell phone and held it up in the air, using the camera to see what the view of her chest might be from above: plenty of cleavage to be sure, but everything was covered. She looked good, she decided, and she shouldn't be afraid of Will Darcy. She took a deep breath and re-entered the main gallery, watching for Will from the corner of her eye. He was easy to find, with his head a few inches above most of the others in the crowd. She noticed he was talking with another tall young man with light brown hair, almost certainly the cousin. For the moment, they were just standing across the room, but she didn't know if he'd find her again to talk or not.</p><p>She didn't know if she <em>wanted</em> him to talk to her more because thrown in with all the other emotions of embarrassment and awkwardness was the attraction she'd felt when she saw him. Seeing him again under the soft gallery lighting, there was no denying it. The idea of the attraction was easier to reject when she thought about the insulting things that he'd said in the past and how distant and awkward he could be but much harder to ignore when he was smiling in front of her. She'd felt it in the brief amount of time that his arm was around her shoulder, and that was partly why she'd run away so quickly. Will was a jumble of confusion in her head. For now, she'd do what she said she was going to do and find Carla.</p><p>"Beth! Look at how many people came; this is amazing. Catherine told me this is one of the best showings they've had in years." Carla smoothly grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the passing wait staff and handed it to Beth, who was empty handed. "Are you having fun?" Carla asked, and her eyes were shining with the joy and excitement of the evening.</p><p>Beth quickly briefed Carla on her run in with Will and his relation to Catherine.</p><p>Carla's brown eyes widened. "<em>Yes</em>. I finally get to meet this man. Where is he?" she asked, looking out into the crowd without the least bit of discretion. Beth blushed hotly and tugged Carla back around to face her. "Could you be more obvious?" she whispered sharply, and Carla just laughed.</p><p>"Don't look," Beth said seriously, and then described Will's general location, watching Carla's eyes as she scanned the crowd of the gallery. It was obvious when she'd spotted him as her eyebrows raised.</p><p>"Oh," she said suggestively, giving Beth a knowing look as the mystery of Beth's experience with Will began to make more sense. "You should go talk to him," she added.</p><p>Beth rolled her eyes at that. "I already talked to him."</p><p>"I've got to keep doing the rounds for the gallery for the next half hour until it's over. You'll have to find a way to entertain yourself until then," she said, unapologetic. "If I were you, those two handsome men are exactly how I'd do it," she added in an undertone, her eyes full of mirth.</p>
<hr/><p>Beth hadn't listened but instead grabbed a few appetizers from passing waiters and stood by herself for a moment at a hightop table, enjoying the stuffed mushrooms and tiny spring rolls. She'd been able to look at about half of the art before running into Will, and there was still the other half to see. There was one large painting in particular that she had wanted to examine more closely. She left her plate but took the champagne as she walked to that side of the room.</p><p>She looked at the painting thoughtfully, feeling dwarfed by its size. The style was abstract, glowing with golden whites and eggshell, slate, and the palest blue. But stark through the upper right was a gash of crimson intermixed with black. Up close she could see what looked like writing on portions of it, pencil thin script. The piece was evocative and perhaps her favorite of everything she'd seen. She didn't have the words to articulate why, but she liked the excitement of it. The painting had an energy to it. She stood for some time looking over all the details, one arm crossed and the other holding her glass of champagne.</p><p>Will approached her and then stood quietly for a few minutes. She felt calmer seeing him now, but she still didn't know what to say. Thankfully the painting was a good enough distraction that she didn't have to. They could both stand there without saying a word.</p><p>"This one is my favorite," Will said, after many minutes of silence, and Beth looked at him thoughtfully. Hands in his pockets, even he had to crane his neck to see the whole painting. She wondered if he saw the same things that she did.</p><p>"Me too, I think," she said quietly. Their eyes met briefly and then they stood in silence again. Beth wondered how someone so different from herself could appreciate the same artwork. "Do you know the artist?" she asked, thinking perhaps he'd have a connection through his aunt, but Will shook his head.</p><p>"My family is connected with a lot of the artists she shows," he said, and Beth thought again about how different his world was from her own. "But I haven't met this one. This is the second time Catherine has shown the artist's work. The first show was all about archetypes and the conflicts between them: good and evil and the tension in between."</p><p>"And this show?"</p><p>The smile that played across his face was a little wicked as he looked from Beth to the sculpture she'd thought looked like sperm earlier. "Desire."</p><p>"Ha," she said to herself, quietly. So she'd been right, in a way. It actually was sperm. "Good versus evil and sex. The artist really focuses on the essentials, huh?"</p><p>Without meaning to, she'd slipped into a friendly and unguarded demeanor. The quip had slipped out, and it was a flirtatious thing to say, she realized after seeing his expression. He raised an eyebrow suggestively, and his mouth turned up into a soft smile, but he didn't say anything else.</p><p>No more champagne, Beth decided. She did not need to be getting friendly with Will Darcy, whatever Carla may have suggested. She certainly didn't need to be accidentally flirting with him. She'd let her guard down, and she knew from experience what happened when she did that; in another moment he'd be acting as though she was a stranger to him, just like after Charles's barbecue.</p><p>The crowd had thinned to almost no one, and as she looked for a distraction, she could see Carla in animated conversation with Catherine and the young man that Beth had assumed was Will's cousin. Carla beckoned her over.</p><p>"Everyone from the gallery is going out to dinner to celebrate," Carla said. "I said we didn't have any plans..."</p><p>Catherine interrupted. "It's tradition. The team all goes for a family style meal, my nephews included. You'll join us as well. Carla, as our newest team member, is our special guest."</p><p>"I don't want to intrude," she began lamely, but Catherine talked over her.</p><p>"I absolutely insist. We'll see everyone there in 20 minutes," she called out to the small group of about 10 people still in the gallery. Will gave her a slight nod before being ushered away by his aunt.</p><p>"<em>Why</em> did you say <em>yes</em>?" she hissed as soon as everyone was out of earshot.</p><p>"What? It's a free meal. And we're getting dim sum. I don't understand the problem. I know how much you like dumplings."</p><p>Beth groaned loudly, and Carla gave her a funny look. "<em>What</em> is wrong? Is there something I'm missing here?"</p><p>Beth colored slightly under Carla's searching look, but she shook her head. She couldn't explain it to Carla. She'd wanted to get away from Will because she was finding it hard to dislike him. In his presence, she'd somehow forgotten all those times he'd stuck his foot in his mouth: forgotten everything except how nice he looked in his suit and that they'd liked the same painting. But who knew when the next stony, awkward silence or ill-judged comment would ruin the way she felt again?</p><p>"There are just going to be a lot of awkward silences," she finally said, settling on that excuse. "I don't even know Will, not really. And I don't know Catherine at all."</p><p>"It's just dinner! It won't be the end of the world. I'm new here, and single, and I think Will's cousin and I were really hitting it off. I can't bail on this anyway; it's my boss. What are you going to do—go sit at home by yourself? Remember the dim sum," Carla added desperately when it seemed like Beth would indeed be happy to just go home.</p><p>Beth let out an almighty sigh. "Fine."</p><p>"Thank you!" she said, kissing Beth on both cheeks as they headed toward the exit. Beth wondered what she was getting herself into.</p>
<hr/><p>Dinner could have been worse, she decided. For one, the table was big and circular, and she managed to sit in between Carla and Will's cousin, rather than next to Will himself. For another, Catherine was all the way across the table, almost out of earshot. Beth had never seen such a set up in a restaurant. The table itself spun around like a giant lazy-susan. Waiters pushed cart after cart of small metal and bamboo dishes around, and Catherine looked at each offering and picked three of this or two of that. The table would spin so that each person could choose from all the different dishes. Beth soon found that each dish had different dumplings, or rice wrapped in lotus leaves, steamed buns, shumai...There was spicy oil with chilis in it for dipping the dumplings and dark black tea for everyone in adorable, tiny cups.</p><p>Although she wasn't next to Will, she <em>was</em> stuck in between two people who did indeed seem to be hitting it off, and she spent the first part of dinner being talked across by Carla and Will's cousin, who she learned was named Rich Fitzwilliam. He was around Carla's age and a few years older than her. He'd already graduated from college. She found it hard to believe that he and Will were related. He laughed loudly and frequently, pleased by everything Carla said. Where Will was quiet, Rich was gregarious. He had a mischievous streak too as he spent the first half of dinner telling Carla about the pranks he'd pulled on Will during their childhood. Beth decided she liked Rich very much; dinner was worth it just to see how uncomfortable he could make Will, which he did frequently and with great pleasure.</p><p>Will hadn't said much, which was no more than she had expected of him. He listened, and he didn't look bored, but he hadn't been willing to talk across his cousin to talk to her more. From time to time during the meal, Rich would look at Will for a few moments and then laugh quietly to himself before turning away. "You're really not going to talk at all tonight?" Rich asked with skeptical amusement after looking Will over again later in the dinner. A complex, nonverbal message passed between the two of them, with Will's reserved expression turning dark. "He's not usually like this," Rich said with assurance to Carla and Beth, and Beth couldn't stop her eyebrows from raising at the statement that contradicted everything she knew about Will. "All the more attention for me."</p><p>She was glad her friend had hit it off with Rich, especially after knowing how lonely she had felt during her first few weeks in the city. Tonight, Carla was wearing a printed silk romper with loud colors in a beautiful flowing pattern. Beth thought she was so fashionable and talented, and she was happy that Rich had seen it as well. And she could see why Carla was smitten with Rich. He had a contagious laugh and although his features were far less attractive than Will's, there was still something transformative about his smile. Rich was laughing now as he recounted a story to her and Carla, and Beth found herself smiling just looking at him, long before he got to the punchline.</p><p>Will had been shaking his head with a sideways grin on his face and he interjected as soon as Rich finished. "You failed to mention that the 'guy' in the story was <em>you</em>, and it was my rug that I'd just bought to hide the <em>other</em> stain on the floor that you made when you spilled all that paint."</p><p>Rich smiled sheepishly. "Finally, he speaks! But did you have to go and ruin my reputation? You could have waited at least until after dinner."</p><p>Rich leaned over to talk to directly to Beth but kept his eyes on Will. "I'm very interested to hear what you have to say about Will. I know you met him before tonight. Actually, that's the reason I sent over that annoying photographer. He said he was going to go talk to "a friend", and so I sent that guy right over to embarrass him." Beth smiled slowly with understanding. So that's what that had been about. It had flustered them both, so she had to give a job well done to Rich.</p><p>"He's so serious tonight." Rich said in his solemnest tones. "Was he like this when you met?"</p><p>Will's eyes had gone big, and Beth had the suspicion that he would have kicked Rich under the table if he could have found the right foot. She smiled wickedly at the question. "Yes," she said emphatically, shooting a sideways glance at Will, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable.</p><p>"I met Will at a 4th of July festival. It's a big party with food carts and a live jazz band. Lots of dancing and fireworks. The town goes all out. I thought, okay this is a friend of a friend and he seems nice enough. I'll make some friendly conversation. Instead, our first exchange was him telling me it was too much effort to try to talk to me, and then I honestly don't think he said another word the rest of the evening." She'd kept her tone light. Enough time had passed now that she could see the absurdity of the story, and she laughed at the pained expression that crossed Rich's face and his disbelief.</p><p>"Jesus christ, Will. Did they raise you in a barn?"</p><p>"It was loud!" Will said. "I didn't want to spend the whole night shouting and repeating myself and still not having any idea of what was being said. It wasn't the right kind of environment to meet new people. I'm not like you, Rich. I don't make instant friends," he finished, gesturing pointedly at Carla and Beth and the easy rapport he'd built with them.</p><p>"So he's not an asshole; he's just lazy," Rich said, smiling to Beth. "That's what it really comes down to."</p><p>Will sighed. He was being a good sport, but he seemed to know it was pointless to try to defend himself. "In my experience, small talk in that kind of scenario isn't...really worth it," he said, choosing words delicately. He caught her gaze and held it. "Obviously, I was wrong. I'm sorry that I came off so...I just..." he shrugged again. "And it <em>was</em> loud," he added, a moment later.</p><p>"Here's my advice, cuz. The next time a beautiful woman tries to make conversation with you," he said with a friendly wink toward Beth. "You go ahead and shout yourself hoarse trying to talk to her."</p><p>Beth looked down at her food, hiding a smile at the compliment. Had that been an apology from Will? She'd seen his eyes and he'd looked sincere. She sneaked a glance at him. Five o'clock shadow defined Will's jaw more than normal, and his features looked so solemn at rest. His light green eyes focused on Rich. Just looking at him, it was hard to imagine how frustrated, confused, and even angry he had made her in the past. She tried to think of all her past encounters with him. She could remember how tense his shoulders had been as they'd walked from the pool house to the party earlier in the summer, how he' must have spent half the time in the pool house before they'd gotten there. Here at dinner he'd left the conversation to Rich and only responded when the attention landed on him. Despite the defense he had presented, she still thought he'd been aloof and a little stuck up that first night.</p><p>"Did I hear something about jazz?" Catherine exclaimed from across the table. "You know, the Bourghs sponsor the DC JazzFest every year. You'll be going this year, won't you Will? I used to take him and Anna every year when they were just children," Catherine continued, informing the table.</p><p>"Unfortunately not. The fall semester starts next week," Will replied.</p><p>Catherine's eyes fell on Beth, and Beth could see her remembering that she too would be attending Pemberley. She could only hope that Catherine didn't ask her anything too particular.</p><p>She had no such luck. "I'm surprised the two of you never ran into each other on campus," she said looking from Will to Beth.</p><p>Will turned to look at Beth with some puzzlement.</p><p>"It is strange," she said. "Especially because I'm <em>also a junior</em>," she added with emphasis, looking directly at Will as she said it, and then pointedly at the wine glass in front of her.</p><p>"Ah," he said softly, a hint of mirth in his eyes, and then to his aunt. "It is a big place after all."</p><p>"And it's not like there's a building with his name on it where I'd be sure to find him."</p><p>Catherine let out a trilling laugh. "Of course not, dear. The family's building is at <em>Georgetown</em> where William was supposed to go…" She looked down her nose at him, her expression stern. Beth's eyes widened. She had only been making an offhand comment with no clue that Will's family had actually dropped enough money to have a building at a college named after them. What a different world they lived in, she thought again. Who had that much money to just give away?</p><p>She turned her attention to Rich, who was talking animatedly to Carla about Will's twin sister. "—so Anna lucked out. Perks of being born a few minutes after you, right Will? How is your sister? She's at Julliard, you know," Rich said with pride, turning to Beth and Carla.</p><p>Beth was suddenly very interested. The infamous sister. Charles hadn't mentioned her at all, but here Rich was singing her praises. Maybe she'd finally hear enough to understand the situation with Jamie at St. Agnes better.</p><p>Will talked animatedly to Rich for a minute about Anna's practicum and some sort of concert series that Beth had never heard of before but nothing relevant to what she wanted to know.</p><p>"What instrument does she play?" Beth asked, hoping she could influence the conversation subtly.</p><p>"Cello."</p><p>She waited a beat, thinking he was going to elaborate, but he didn't. "I see."</p><p>Here was that familiar sensation of trying to talk to a brick wall. She wasn't going to get any information out of him that would help her understand what had happened with his family during high school.</p><p>Having spent the evening with Catherine, she could see how easy it would be to become a snob. What a life to have shows at the gallery followed by fancy dinners every other weekend, with buildings named after your family at prestigious schools. She knew that they had lived in the most expensive neighborhood in D.C. It would be easy to lose sight of the fact that life was very different for most people: easy to believe that you were better than everyone else. She hadn't met Anna, and had only heard Jamie's description, but it was not hard to imagine a miniature version of Catherine making life hell for the poorer kids at St. Agnes.</p><p>Rich asked Carla where she lived, and he grinned when he heard her answer.</p><p>"You're just a few blocks away. The two of you will have to come out to the bar on my street while you're here. It's a bourbon place; they have like 50 different varieties. Have you been?"</p><p>Beth almost had to lean back out of Carla's way. She was leaning forward with that much excitement. "No, I haven't been, but we'd love to!"</p><p>Beth tried to catch Carla's eye. The dinner was turning out to be okay, but that didn't mean she wanted to play third wheel on Carla's date tomorrow night, or even worse, go on a double date with Will and his cousin. She prayed that it was just a polite invitation that would fall through tomorrow and not something she'd actually have to do.</p><p>Dinner was over soon after that, as everyone had gorged themselves until all the dumplings were gone. Catherine made a big show of paying the bill before she left, but Beth was grateful for such delicious food, whatever the circumstances. Carla and Rich exchanged numbers as the four of them left the table, Rich off to his own apartment, and Will to his parents' place just a few blocks away.</p><p>"Bye, Rich. Bye, Will," she said simply as they exited the restaurant and got into the cab to take them home. Rich's big smile was the last thing she saw before Carla pulled the door closed.</p><p>"I thought we weren't interested in Will," Carla said as soon as the car began to move.</p><p>"We aren't," Beth said succinctly.</p><p>"Right," Carla said sarcastically.</p><p>"I hate it when you use the royal 'we', Carla," Beth said, avoiding the issue. She hadn't thought there was anything telling about her conversation with Will.</p><p>"I saw you looking at him."</p><p>"It was a circular table! I was looking at everyone..."</p><p>Carla scoffed. "And I saw you standing with him at the gallery. You like him," she offered up in a singsong voice.</p><p>"I...I don't know," Beth finally admitted. She couldn't seem to find that same deep dislike she had felt when first meeting him, but...was it possible to like someone who was so frustrating? She'd been so attracted to his suit at the gallery, and Carla was right; she had flirted with him at the end. But at dinner, he'd hardly said a word. It was the same as it had been the last time they'd met.</p><p>"When I meet someone like Jamie or like Rich and they're funny and open, that's what I think it should be like. When I picture meeting someone that I like and want to date, I'm picturing that." She thought back to her only other relationship with her high school boyfriend, Ben. "With Ben it was so easy-"</p><p>"You didn't really like him though," Carla interrupted.</p><p>"I liked him enough!" Beth replied in a snappy tone. "And I knew that I liked him immediately…even if over time he became <em>so</em> <em>boring</em>."</p><p>Carla laughed aloud at that. "Will's not boring, is he?"</p><p>"Will is not <em>any</em> of those things," Beth confirmed. "Not open, not easy going. I spent half the summer annoyed by one dumb thing that he said or another! I'm sorry, Carla, but I can't like him."</p><p>Carla paused a moment, looking at her seriously for once. "Just because it doesn't look the way you thought it would doesn't mean you're not feeling it."</p><p>Feeling what? Beth thought to herself. Frustrated? Annoyed? Confused?</p><p>"I noticed someone who was feeling it quite a bit," Beth said, pivoting the conversation away from herself. "<em>You</em> got Rich's number."</p><p>Carla beamed. "I was practically drooling all dinner. A young, handsome man who lives around the corner from me? Yes, please."</p>
<hr/><p>Beth lay restlessly on Carla's couch, trying in vain to fall asleep after the excitement of the evening. She had enjoyed getting to know Rich, and she was happy that Carla had made a new conquest in the city.</p><p>Inevitably though, her thoughts were stuck on the other cousin. They'd barely talked but he dominated her thoughts. She didn't feel like she understood Will at all. Maybe she had judged him too harshly in the beginning, she thought, chewing on the corner of her lip. But there was still everything that Jamie had said.</p><p>If Will's parents were anything like Catherine, it wasn't hard to imagine them forcing the school to expel a student. But all of Will's closest friends seemed to be good people. She doubted that Rich and Charles would still be friends with Will if he was as bad as Jamie had made him out to be. She wished that someone could tell her what had really happened!</p><p>He had insulted and condescended to her. He'd been cold and aloof, and Beth hadn't been able to forgive him for it. He was as unlike his open and carefree cousin as it was possible to be, but despite his verbal blunders, he'd never really done anything to Beth except hurt her ego. But when she thought of his careless, offhand comment about them letting anyone into Pemberley now, it still stung.</p><p>Sometimes he was nice; sometimes he was funny; and sometimes he was totally thoughtless or arrogant. Beth rolled over, feeling the sleepiness finally overtake her. If only he wasn't so cute...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Against will, reason, and character</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth accompanies Carla on her date with Rich.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>"What do you think?" Beth asked, modeling her outfit for the evening for Carla. "Too much?" The dress was a light, airy summer dress patterned with flowers. It wasn't tight or short but nonetheless was still sexy.</p><p>"It's perfect."</p><p>Beth eyed her reflection doubtfully in the full-length mirror. "It's a little low cut," she said, hiking up the neckline, which then slid back into place only a moment later.</p><p>Carla stood with her hands on her hips. "So what? Your boobs are great; show 'em off!"</p><p>"I don't want to look like Lydia," Beth began, but Carla cut her off with laughter.</p><p>"Lydia would try to wear a scrunchy as a top. You're fine," she reassured Beth. "Plus, there will be eligible men around, you know. Maybe you "don't like Will"," she air-quoted. "But that doesn't mean you need to dress like you live in a convent. You have to wear something fabulous and flirty for your last night here."</p><p>Beth had to admit that Carla had impeccable taste in clothing and had never steered her wrong before. She pictured a handsome stranger buying her a drink and smiled. That wouldn't be so bad, would it? She turned to check out her reflection in the mirror again. She turned, first one way and then the other, looking at her reflection from different angles, putting her hair up and then down. The dress really did accentuate her figure nicely. "I'll just wear flats with it…"</p><p>"Ha!" Carla said loudly, with triumph, before heading to the bathroom to get herself ready. Carla was wearing gold gladiator sandals that laced up her slender legs and another romper, this one a pretty olive color. She'd pinned her braids up into an elaborate twist, and Beth thought she looked amazing.</p><p>Rich had texted a few hours earlier, to Carla's delight, to invite them both out for drinks at the bourbon bar he had mentioned the night before. He and Will were both going, which caused a roil of confusion in Beth's gut. She was excited because she'd never been out in D.C. before, and she was nervous because she still didn't know what to think about Will. All her musing the night before had gotten her nowhere closer to understanding her own feelings. Like it or not, if she wanted Carla to get to spend any time with Rich, it appeared that she'd have to accept being around Will, too.</p><p>Before they walked out the door, Beth showed Carla her fake I.D., as she wasn't 21, and Carla laughed at the picture.</p><p>"Where did you get this?" she asked, still laughing hysterically.</p><p>"Lydia," Beth had to admit. She'd never used it before, and she knew the reason Carla was laughing was because the picture looked nothing like her. "Do you think it will work?" she asked nervously. How embarrassing to get to the bar only to be denied entrance in front of everyone.</p><p>"Only one way to find out."</p><hr/><p>The bouncer stared at Beth's face for a few seconds before looking back to the face on the I.D., and then he ogled her chest for another 10 seconds before letting her inside. Beth gave a small humph, but ultimately decided that she wasn't above using her physical attributes in order to get in the bar. Good thing Carla had made her wear the dress, after all.</p><p>The bar had wood floors and tables finished with dark metal. The lights were dim and indie rock played in the background. There were people spread all around at long tables and at the bar watching a few of the televisions. Everyone looked...cool, she decided. Like an ad in a magazine. The women had on fashionable shoes and coordinated outfits, and she noticed several men wearing skinny jeans, flannels, and beanies, despite the heat of the summer. Hipsters, she thought, rolling her eyes.</p><p>Rich and Will were at a high-top table near a pair of dart boards. Rich waved them over as he spotted them, and Beth was relieved to find that Will's normal, everyday clothes didn't have nearly the effect on her as his suit. Rich stood and gave Carla a big hug as a greeting. Beth was surprised when he hugged her as well, but he smelled nicely like soap and something else that was just him, and he didn't try to hold on too long. Rich smiled while ushering them onto their barstools. This time she did end up directly across from Will.</p><p>"Why is everyone here dressed like they're in a lumberjack competition?" Beth asked with feigned confusion.</p><p>"It's the bourbon," Rich said with a laugh. "Draws them like little flies to honey. Now, questionable summer outfits aside, this place is amazing," Rich said with animation as he handed them drink menus.</p><p>Beth noticed that there were no prices next to any of the drinks and braced herself for an expensive bill at the end of the night. She'd only be able to afford one or two. There was a list of bourbons and whiskeys and then a list of cocktails on the last page. She'd never heard of half the ingredients in the drinks, but what she saw coming out of the bar on the waiters' trays looked almost like works of art with all their different glasses, colors, and rim accessories. She picked randomly from the list, feeling a little lost and like some dumb high school kid who was out of her league.</p><p>A waitress swung by the table to take their drink orders, and she noticed the waitress eye Will for a moment longer than everyone else, but his order was perfunctory and polite, and then he turned his attention back to Rich so quickly that there was no mistaking his lack of interest. Beth had to hide a smirk. Typical.</p><p>She was impressed by how quickly Rich and Carla had picked up their flirty banter with almost no awkwardness between them. It was a master class in flirtation, and Beth felt like she should be taking notes. Beth wasn't excluded from their conversation, but while they waited for their first drinks, Carla and Rich were absorbed in each other. Her half of the table was noticeably quiet, and she nonchalantly looked across the table, wanting to get a look at Will's expression. He met her gaze and one side of his mouth turned up into a wry smile, mirroring her own feelings of tagging along on someone else's date, but he didn't say anything. If she wanted conversation, she'd have to start it herself, or try to get a word in with Carla and Rich. Maybe she'd try after her first drink.</p><p>The waitress returned. Rich and Will both had tumblers with dark amber liquid. Carla's came in a martini glass and was pale white with a curled lemon rind on the rim. Beth's drink was...well...pink. Very pink. It had a slice of watermelon as the garnish. Carla laughed at her expression of surprise and then raised her glass so that the four of them could cheers. She clinked her glass and made eye contact with each person, looking quickly away from Will. One small sip from her drink and she knew she wouldn't be able to finish it. It was sickly sweet. What a waste of money, she thought to herself, pulling the watermelon off the rim to eat. She felt disappointed to have picked the wrong thing when she knew how expensive it was. She slid it over to Carla, indicating that she could have hers as well.</p><p>"Don't like it?" Rich asked.</p><p>"No; it's pure sugar. But I guess that's what I get for blindly ordering off the menu," she said sadly. Their waitress was nowhere in sight, and as the establishment was busy and they had just gotten their drinks, Beth thought it would be a while before she came back.</p><p>"Try mine," Rich said kindly. "If you like it, we can share until our server comes back."</p><p>Beth smiled happily at him, but that only lasted until she had taken her first sip of his drink. He and Will both laughed at the way her face involuntarily screwed up at the taste.</p><p>"Is that bourbon?" she asked incredulously. "It's <em>awful</em>."</p><p>"Scotch," Rich corrected, still laughing at her disgusted expression. She took a bite of her watermelon just to get the taste out of her mouth. The drink had burned back of her throat on the way down.</p><p>"Good to know that there are still worse things than that pink monstrosity I ordered," she said.</p><p>"It's good!" Carla interjected, having just taken a sip of it. "Like a Popsicle."</p><p>Beth shook her head at that and then was surprised to see Will push back from their table to stand.</p><p>"What would you like? I'll go order it from the bar."</p><p>Beth gaped at him, caught off guard, and glanced at his drink which was still full. He was going just for her, then. She felt a blush creep up on her cheeks.</p><p>"That's okay, really," she said. "You don't have to do that."</p><p>"Nonsense," Rich interjected. "You can't sit here without a drink while we're all enjoying ours."</p><p>"Honestly, it's okay. I can wait," she protested. She'd imagined going to the bar and having a nice young man buy her a drink. She didn't think it was going to be <em>Will</em>.</p><p>"It's not a big deal," Will said, and Beth felt it would be silly to keep protesting further. If he wanted to do it, she'd have to let him. But she didn't like the idea of owing him money.</p><p>"I'll buy your next one then. How about that?" she asked Will, and he smiled.</p><p>"If you want to, sure. What would you like?" he asked again, and Beth quickly scanned the menu. Like the first time, nothing jumped out at her. She didn't want to waste any more of Will's time as he stood waiting. "Anything but this. Or that," she said, pointing with a big smile to the two drinks she'd tried. "Sorry; I don't know," she added more seriously. She didn't drink that much in high school and certainly not anything as sophisticated as this place.</p><p>"Not sweet and not scotch. Any other suggestions?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>"Surprise me," she said airily, trying to hide her complete lack of knowledge. Will shot her a look she couldn't read and then headed off to the bar. She watched him walk away before Rich caught her attention. "Are you having a good time visiting?" he asked, and she grinned.</p><p>"Of course. I feel like such an adult: first the gallery party and now going out here. I thought we were just going to watch movies on the couch."</p><p>"Catherine knows how to throw a gallery party. I'm just glad to get to spend time with Will before he leaves for the semester."</p><p>"The two of you seem really close," Beth said.</p><p>"He's like my brother." Rich turned to look at Will, who was leaning against the bar, patiently waiting his turn. "We practically grew up together, so I know there isn't anybody who's got my back as much as he does." Rich took a sip of his drink. "He's a good guy. I pull those jackass pranks on him all the time to try to rile him up and get him to react to something. He's stuck in his head too much. Plus, he's so good-natured about stuff. He doesn't get pissy when I publicly humiliate him…"</p><p>Rich and Beth both laughed, though Beth was distracted by what he'd said. Here again was more praise from someone who knew Will well. He was still waiting at the bar, leaning causally while he waited, all broad shoulders and long legs. She didn't notice that Rich was watching her watch Will until he continued. "I guess from what you said you two didn't start out on the best foot. Maybe that's why he was so quiet last night, but he's a really good guy," Rich said seriously, and Beth couldn't think of a response.</p><p>"Must be nice being so close to your family," Carla said, covering for Beth. "Do you have any siblings?"</p><p>Rich shook his head. "That's why Anna and Will and I are so close. I'm 5 years older than them, and it's been really fun to watch them grow up and turn into real adults. Especially after the time they had in high school."</p><p>Here Beth's interest piqued sharply. Was he referring to Jamie? He had to be. What else could it mean?</p><p><strong>"</strong>For Anna especially. She was a lot different back then. And Will was just trying to be a good brother, I think." Rich suddenly noticed the interest on Beth's face and pivoted away from the topic. "Well, it was a hard time for everyone. Not a good reflection of who either of them are. But that was a long time ago, and I'm just proud of who he's turned out to be. Such a gentleman!" Rich said loudly as Will returned with several drinks in his hands. Beth had to gulp back on her questions. That had been confirmation of what Jamie had told her, hadn't it? Rich had been very vague, but he'd implied that his cousins were both great people now but not in high school. What else could he be talking about?</p><p>"Thank you," she said to Will as he handed her a drink. "What is it?"</p><p>"Anything but that," he said, indicating the drink that Carla was alternating sips from. She ventured a sip, and it was refreshing. Tart, but not too sour, with none of the sickly sweetness of her first drink. She thought there might be some cucumber in it, and a spring of thyme served as the garnish.</p><p>"It's good," she said and Will nodded his head, looking pleased. Rich was laughing with Carla, though he quieted as Will slid a shot of whiskey in front of him. It was the other drink he'd brought back from the bar.</p><p>"For me? Oh, you shouldn't have," Rich said with fake gratitude. "But I'm not taking shots unless you are too."</p><p>Will shook his head, a mischievous look on his face. "I only bought that one for you. Unless you want to wait until the waitress comes back, you'll have to take it on your own."</p><p>Rich sighed. "It isn't fun to be the only drunk person at the table."</p><p>Beth looked at Carla, who was looking back at Rich with mischievous eyes, both drinks in her hand. "Please. You just try to keep up with me."</p><p>He arched an eyebrow and then smiled, raising his shot glass to her. "Cheers." He nodded and then downed the drink, shaking his head like a dog afterward. Carla cheered, obviously pleased to have a drinking partner and probably pleased that both of their inhibitions were being lowered.</p><p>"I also got darts, in case anyone wanted to play," Will said, pulling them from his back pocket. Carla and Rich were enthusiastic, so they all moved by the dart board. Beth sipped absently on her drink as they decided the order of play and she stood waiting her turn.</p><p>Will had just been trying to be a good brother...what on earth could that mean, she wondered. Had he followed Anna's lead and gotten Jamie kicked out? Or had something had happened between Anna and Jamie and Will had been too overprotective? There were a million different scenarios and Beth was more confused now than she had been before. Her eyes kept falling onto Will. He was watching Carla as she prepared to toss a dart, a light smile on his face. In the bar lights, his hair looked black.</p><p>"You must have really liked that drink," Rich said, and Beth had to look away as Will's eyes suddenly met hers. She didn't know how long she'd been staring at him, deep in thought.</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>Rich laughed and pointed to her drink, which was all gone except for the ice cubes at the bottom. "I said that you must've liked it."</p><p>Beth hadn't tasted a single sip; she'd been too busy thinking, but she nodded anyway.</p><p>"Good. We ordered you another one," Carla said, smiling brightly and giving Beth a quick kiss on the cheeks. Both Carla and Rich were getting tipsy. Will, as far as she could tell, was still working on his first drink.</p><p>She preceded Will in the throwing order for darts, handing them off to him after each turn.</p><p>"I was wondering how you got in here," he asked, as she handed him the darts. "Did you have to pay?" He looked genuinely curious as Beth shook her head no, and she rummaged through her purse for the fake ID while he took his turn.</p><p>"Wow," was all he said after she handed it to him and he saw the photo. He didn't laugh, although she could see from his expression that he wanted to.</p><p>"My spitting image, don't you think?" she asked with an evil smile, holding the ID next to her face.</p><p>"I think bouncers are far nicer to pretty women than to men," he replied, raising his eyebrows and then walking away to hand the darts to Rich while Beth digested the fact that he'd called her pretty.</p><p>"Did you see Charles again this summer?" she asked him after her next turn, as they stood next to each other in silence. She was curious enough to break the silence, wondering if Will even knew that they had run into Jamie, or if Charles had told him. But he shook his head and she watched him square his shoulders and throw the darts, one, two, three. No bullseyes, but each one worth some points. He'd win soon if he kept that up. He came to stand next to her when his turn was over, leaning his elbows on the hightop behind him so he was closer to her height.</p><p>"They're back at school now, right?" he asked, and she nodded. "Still together?"</p><p>"Of course. Why did you ask it like that?"</p><p>He shrugged lightly, looking over her face. "No reason, really. Jane just always seemed so reserved to me."</p><p>Beth couldn't stop her eyebrows from raising in disbelief. "That's a little like the pot calling the kettle black, don't we think?"</p><p>Will dipped his head and smiled despite himself. "I meant specifically with Charles. He seemed to be the initiator: touching her or hugging her. I thought Charles liked your sister more than she liked him, that's all. So I wondered if maybe she'd called it off."</p><p>Beth gaped at him. "What are you <em>talking</em> about? Jane's crazy about Charles," Beth said, more animated than usual because of the drink she'd had.</p><p>Will held up both hands, trying to placate her. "Just an observation. She didn't seem to show her interest, from what I saw. But I believe you if you say she does."</p><p>"And what would "showing her interest" look like?" Beth asked, and Will nodded his head in the direction of Rich and Carla. Rich was "teaching" Carla to throw the dart, but it consisted of standing very close behind her with his hand on her waist. She was leaning her head back to whisper something in his ear, both of them seemed to have forgotten about the game.</p><p>"They're drunk," Beth said succinctly and with a little disapproval, turning her gaze back to Will. "Plus <em>no one</em> wants to watch that. It would have been unbearable to hang out with them all summer like that." Beth's point was emphasized by a loud giggle from Carla. "Jane <em>is </em>more reserved, but she's very much in love with Charles," Beth added. "You didn't tell him that Jane didn't like him, did you?" she asked, suddenly struck by the idea. But Will shook his head quickly. Beth sighed in relief. The last thing they needed was some stupid comment from Will ruining her sister's relationship.</p><p>She watched him throw the darts in another round, racking up more points. "What <em>is</em> the appropriate amount of affection for a relationship?" she quipped. "Since I have the expert here, I need to know."</p><p>"Walked in to this one, didn't I?" Will said and Beth nodded, sipping from her drink. "I think it depends on the couple," he said after a moment's thought. "On their dynamic. Whatever's natural."</p><p>Beth rolled her eyes. "That was lame for an expert," she said, walking away to take her turn at the dart board.</p><p>He was waiting with a reply when she returned to hand him the darts. "What do <em>you</em> think about it? Reserved like Jane?"</p><p>The question gave her pause. She'd easily teased Will about it, but she didn't know what she thought. Truth be told, she <em>had</em> been reserved like Jane with her last boyfriend, but that was at least partially because she hadn't been that physically attracted to him. She didn't know what she would be like with someone she really liked.</p><p>"No, not like Jane," she finally conceded. "If the spectrum is from <em>them</em> to Jane—". She flicked her eyes toward Carla and Rich. "—then I'm somewhere in the middle. She really does love him though," Beth added again for emphasis.</p><p>"I'm glad to hear it," Will said. "I only brought it up because in the past, Charles has been taken advantage of. You know him—he's too nice."</p><p>"And men shouldn't be nice to their partners?"</p><p>He gave her a look. "It should be <em>mutual </em>niceness. Charles would give and get nothing back and get his heart broken. Not an easy thing to watch as a friend, so believe me when I say that I'm glad your sister is in love with him."</p><p>"Has Charles ever watched you get your heart broken?" she asked, emboldened by their conversation. She realized after she'd asked it that it was a deeply personal question. She wondered if Will would answer it and wondered what she would say if he asked her in return.</p><p>He looked at her a moment, weighing the response. "He has seen me hurt but not from a romantic relationship," he finally said. Her brow furrowed in puzzlement while he watched her, gauging her reaction. "A story for another time, I think," he said lightly as Carla peeled herself away from Rich and came to stand by Beth.</p><p>She gave Beth a suggestive look while pulling her key-ring from her purse. With a quick twist she extracted the apartment key, handing it to Beth. "Hopefully, I won't need this tonight," she said, waggling her eyebrows. "You'll be okay sleeping there alone if things go well?" she asked, and Beth nodded. She knew the apartment number, and she'd be fine taking a cab back later if Carla wasn't there to walk with her. The apartment was only a few blocks away.</p><p>"Go get 'em, tiger," she said, and she heard Will laugh and then try to play it off as a cough. Carla either didn't notice or didn't care.</p><p>She'd never been very good at darts, and Carla and Rich were too distracted with each other, so Will won with no competition. She'd finished her second drink and Will his first while Carla and Rich were sloppy drunk and all over each other. She excused herself to the restroom, still wondering about what Will had said. She'd pictured him living a charmed life—and she was intrigued about what had hurt him in the past and if it had anything to do with whatever had happened with Jamie in high school.</p><p>The bathroom was stylish with an enormous sink and beautiful lighting. She washed her hands and looked at her reflection. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the drinks she'd had, and her eyes looked bright. The night had been...different than she'd expected. In her imagination, the bar was full of handsome men her age, all wanting to talk to her. In reality, Carla and Rich had been so into each other that she'd spent most of the night standing quietly in Will's vicinity. They'd talked, and he had been nice enough to buy her a drink, but it still fell short of her imagination. She realized, belatedly, that he'd probably scared off any potentials from talking to her. Not that she'd seen anyone she really wanted to talk to anyway with all the hipsters in their beanies. So much for her first big night in the city.</p><p>She was nonplussed to find Will alone at their table. He was absently playing with the condensation from his drink, and she wondered if he'd been sitting by himself the whole time she was in the bathroom. She frowned as she approached him.</p><p>"Where's Rich?"</p><p>Will looked up as she slid in across from him. "He said he had to go get some air."</p><p>"Where's Carla?" she asked, suddenly worried. Carla hadn't been in the bathroom, Beth knew that already.</p><p>"She also wanted to get some air," Will said with the slightest of smirks.</p><p>"Ah," Beth said. So they'd left together. Good thing Carla had given her the key. She'd be taking that cab home after all.</p><p>"We should find the waitress," Beth said, turning to look for her around the bar.</p><p>"I took care of it," Will said casually, and Beth spun around to look at him. He'd paid for everything?! Both her drinks and Carla's as well. She had to protest. But he cut her off before she could say anything. "It's your first time in the city, Rich said. It's my treat. I felt bad that you didn't get something you liked the first time."</p><p>Beth was remembering the day before and the size of the diamond in Catherine's necklace. She guessed a night out probably meant nothing to him, whereas for her it would've been a full day of work at the bookstore. "Thank you," she said grudgingly. She hadn't wanted him to do that and it made her feel strange to see the kind of wealth that he had, but there didn't seem to be anything she could do about it. She wondered if he hadn't gotten a second drink so she wouldn't try to pay for it and felt all sorts of contrary emotions about it.</p><p>In the meantime, there was silence between the two of them at the table. She looked down at her fingernails; she moved her glass around on the table distractedly; she watched the people at the bar and the waitresses hurrying around the floor, all the while wishing that she could come up with <em>anything</em> to say. It was like all the other times with him. When would she learn? Finally, the silence between them became insufferable. "Do you mind if we leave?" she asked.</p><p>"Sure," Will replied calmly, and they walked outside to the humid night air. "I'll walk you there," he said firmly as soon as they stepped outside. "You shouldn't walk at night by yourself."</p><p>Facing the possibility of an uncomfortable walk home with Will, she let out a quiet sigh but thanked him again. It was out of his way, after all. And it was nice of him to do it. He could have easily just left her. But as they walked quietly along the sidewalk, she couldn't help feeling more and more annoyed. Will had no trouble talking to her when they were with other people, but whenever they were alone it was back to these stupid, unending silences with him!</p><p>"It's humid," Beth finally said, forcing herself to break the silence. Will nodded emphatically, but then it was silent again except for the breeze and the passing cars on the street. Beth was screaming internally.</p><p>"It's your turn to talk, Will," she said desperately, emboldened by the drink she'd had. "Anything will do." He turned to glance at her and she raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I've heard you talk before. I know you can do it. Sometimes you're even quite fluent."</p><p>Will turned his whole body and walked sideways to get a good look at her. "Do you really want me to say something just to fill the silence?"</p><p>"Yes," Beth said with emphasis.</p><p>"I guess I just enjoy the quiet. Listening to other people. It's easier to notice things when you're not the one talking."</p><p>"Notice what—all the stupid things people say and do?"</p><p>"Sometimes. Or facial reactions. You talk a lot with your face, for example."</p><p>Beth's eyebrows furrowed before she could stop herself, and Will pointed at her with a knowing smile. She rubbed her fingers lightly over her forehead, covering her expression.</p><p>"I'm still having fun, even if I'm not saying anything," he said, catching her eye, and she made an exasperated expression.</p><p>"Rich was right, you know. You <em>are</em> lazy—putting all the conversation work on the other person," she replied, pointing her finger at him in return.</p><p>"What should I do instead? To show that I'm engaged and having fun and <em>not</em> lazy," he asked her curiously. His eyes were questioning, but his mouth showed amusement.</p><p>"I don't know—<em>start a conversation </em>when there's a lull," she said, picturing all their silent, awkward moments. "Don't just sit there, silently. You have thoughts, don't you? Feelings?"</p><p>"Yes. Lots of them."</p><p>Beth had to look away from his eyes. During the walk, he'd been looking amused at her bristling and her sarcasm. There was something else in his expression now. She didn't know what it meant, but she was glad that they had arrived at the apartment building. He'd stopped belatedly after her, realizing they had arrived. Then they stood facing each other on the sidewalk, and this silence was somehow different than the others had been. For once, Beth didn't want him to say anything. There was something building in the air between them ever since they'd stopped walking.</p><p>A young woman who was walking her dog came from behind Will, and he stepped to the side and closer to Beth to move out of their way on the sidewalk. As he did, the back of her hand brushed the back of his, and the slight touch made the hair stand up on her arms. She didn't know what was happening between the two of them. She could only guess it was because they had never been so thoroughly alone together as in the last fifteen minutes. Even during their late night conversation, Jane had been there. Asleep on the couch, but still there.</p><p>"This is me," she said quietly, pointing up the steps to Carla's apartment building. He gestured her up the stairs and she realized that he was going to walk her all the way to the front door. She took a shallow breath and walked up the steps, conscious of Will following behind. At the top she turned while he stood one step down so that they were at eye level with each other.</p><p>God, it was like a date, she thought frantically. Like they were on a date and this was the end of the night...but he wasn't going to kiss her, there was no way.</p><p>"Listen, I—" He paused. His voice was low, just enough to cover the short distance between them. He'd somehow put his hands on the back of her elbows. Beth looked at him, her eyes enormous. He tried to say something else but didn't get any farther than before, and then he sighed, his eyes running over her face. Beth thought it was truly stupid that his light, clinical grip on her arms was having any sort of effect on her, but it was. She was much closer to him than she'd ever been before, close enough to see that he had freckles on one of his cheekbones, just below his eye. Their proximity was doing strange things to her. <em>This</em> would be the moment to turn away, but she wasn't doing it. Instead, she found herself wondering what it really would be like to kiss him.</p><p>Her heart was pounding so hard now she could feel it in her throat. She noticed his mouth, the sensuous turn of it, how he wasn't smiling any more. She'd never seen <em>that</em> kind of look on his face before, and her breath caught in her throat. He was still holding onto the back of her elbows, and the <em>really</em> stupid thing was that she was still letting him. The attraction between them was acting like a physical pull. They were so close, his mouth just an inch or two from hers. They were the right height for each other with him one step below. Their eyes at the same level, their mouths at the same level...</p><p>She didn't know who moved first. Maybe both of them. But then his mouth was so warm on hers, and the touch of his hand was light on her jaw, her cheek, the back of her neck.</p><p>She'd never experienced a kiss like it, but all she could do was feel all the places they touched and his mouth on hers, and then he was kissing her and kissing her and she responded eagerly. It didn't seem possible that anyone could be so good at it, but he was. The chemistry between them was undeniable, with their bodies responding to each other without thought. She'd kissed her high school boyfriend 100 times, and not once had it ever felt like <em>this</em>. Intense, all consuming, addicting. Will wound one arm around her waist, pulling them closer together, chest to chest, and the more they touched, the more intense it felt. Beth ran her hands through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck.</p><p>The doors to the building suddenly opened behind them, and Will lifted his head. They both looked to the doors in shock, but the person walked by quickly without a word or backward glance.</p><p>"Oh," Beth managed to say, inarticulately. She was gripping his shirt with her hands, and he still had his arm around her lower back.</p><p>"Umm," Will murmured, his eyes moving away from hers down to her mouth again.</p><p>"Inside, probably," was all Beth managed to say and she found herself whispering without knowing why. She loosened her grip on his shirt, feeling completely out of control. She fumbled putting the key in the lock, her fingers not seeming to work.</p><p>"Hmm," she said, looking at Will as they stood in the dimly lit hallway by the mailboxes. He gave her a shy, lopsided smile and she couldn't help smiling back. When he moved closer to her, it was just the same as it'd been outside: attraction so strong it was like a physical draw. And then he kissed her again, softly at first and then with more intensity. This time she had to stand up on her toes. His hand was holding the back of her head, tangled in her hair. Beth couldn't believe something so simple could feel so good. They stumbled backwards and Will hissed in pain against her mouth as Beth's weight rammed his lower back into the doorknob of the office door behind them.</p><p>"Ow," he said, but he was laughing against her mouth, and they didn't stop kissing.</p><p>It wasn't until another tenet entered the hallway from outside, this one stopping to gawk and give a disapproving look, that they managed to disentangle themselves.</p><p>Beth ran a hand through her hair. This was completely insane. There wasn't much airflow in the hallway and she found herself suddenly feeling overheated and lightheaded. Too much kissing, not enough breathing. And with <em>Will</em>. What was she doing? A sudden panic seemed to take hold of her. She found she couldn't look at Will. Will noticed her change in mood immediately. "Are you okay?"</p><p>She shook her head and slid past him without touching to get to the front door.</p><p>"Wait a minute," Will said, half-panicked.</p><p>But Beth only shook her head, pushing the door open further. She walked outside and kept on going, down the steps to the sidewalk. He had to grab her arm to keep her from walking off. He turned her around to face him.</p><p>"Wait..." He struggled to find his words. Beth didn't want to look at him, but she couldn't seem to look away either. He looked down at his feet, taking a nervous breath before finally meeting her gaze. He looked extremely mussed, his hair going in all different directions in the back where she had run her hands through it. His shirt was crumpled where her hands had been.</p><p>"I like you, Beth. I've liked you since we first met. I didn't think I would see you again. And I've been trying to <em>not</em> like you, actually. But you're here...and as soon as I saw you again it was the same." He was rushing through the words now. "We're so different, our backgrounds, I mean. I just didn't think it would work. And you're not like anyone I've been with before. I've tried to stop, but every time I talk to you again, it's there. I don't know. I didn't think this would happen," he said.</p><p>"You—? But—" she couldn't seem to get anything articulated. Will couldn't like her. She thought of all their silences together. But of course, there were all the conversations they'd had as well. She took a shaky breath. Part of her was flattered, but the meaning of the words was sinking in. Clearly, he hadn't thought she was good enough to date or he wouldn't have tried to stop; it was a strange echo of the first thing she had ever heard him say about her.</p><p>"But I—you're <em>so</em>…" Beth ran a hand over her forehead, feeling hot and overwhelmed. "You are so frustrating! I know that you have everything—this perfect, fabulous, totally charmed life, but every time I see you, it's like you're insulting me or implying that I'm not good enough. Even now, after…" she couldn't bring herself to say what they had been doing. "I changed my mind: Rich was wrong; you're not just lazy with conversation: <em>you are an asshole</em>."</p><p>His eyes were flashing at that, and he responded quickly. "You think you know everything about everybody. Like you're some amazing judge of people. Judging the "stupid" hipsters in the bar, all the stupid people you went to high school with, and <em>me</em> and my life, apparently. Like you're the authority on what people should think and how they should behave. Even Carla and Rich tonight."</p><p>Beth was taken aback by this. Sure, she'd made fun of the people in the bar tonight, and been disapproving of Carla's PDA, he was right.</p><p>"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you don't know everything?" Will continued.</p><p>What he was saying hurt her feelings, and she lashed out. "I'm the authority on everything? You're one to talk. You're the one who told me I wasn't worth talking to, that getting into Pemberley was a joke. That you liked me but wished you didn't! And <em>you're</em> the one who got someone expelled from your high school just because you had some stupid disagreement on the lacrosse field. Jamie told me what you did to him."</p><p>Beth didn't know why she was bringing Jamie up except that she knew it must be a soft spot with Will and she wanted to goad him into reacting. They were far from a rational discussion. It worked. He looked completely shocked for a moment and then overwhelmed with some strong emotion. Will's voice rose to match hers "You have <em>no </em>idea what you're talking about. As usual."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes.</p><p>"You treat people like shit just because they don't have as much money as you. You did it to Jamie, and now me. I'm "so different" from everyone you've dated before because I'm not rich, or stuck-up<em>, or an asshole</em>." She was breathing like she'd just run a race. "But you are."</p><p>Will looked at her for a moment before speaking, and when he did it was carefully quiet again. "You're just mad that I was honest. If I'd flattered you, you would have eaten it up. That's what Jamie does, anyway. And it seems like he's your new best friend." He turned on his heels and walked away down the sidewalk. "Have fun with that, Beth." She saw him angrily shaking his head as he walked.</p><p>Beth stood on the sidewalk, breathing heavily, watching Will get smaller and smaller in the distance. From the kiss, to his confession, to their ensuing fight, it had been the most intense encounter of her life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A faithful narrative</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth tries to recover from the previous evening</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Beth sat on Carla's couch in her pajamas, a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom next to her so that she could blow her nose and wipe away tears. She was thankful that Carla wasn't coming home tonight because she didn't want anyone to see her in such a vulnerable state. Her eyes were swollen and red from the amount of time she'd spent crying already. Anger burned through her, as hot as the tears that kept spilling from her eyes. What an <em>asshole</em> he was. What a condescending, piece of shit human. She hoped that his life was nothing but misery and that he got run over by a bus.</p>
<p>What the hell did Will Darcy know about her, anyway. Nothing.</p>
<p>Her thoughts kept returning to the things that he had said. She'd been too deep in the fight to make much meaning of them at the time, but the more she thought about it, the more they hurt her. Like <em>she</em> was the judgmental one, sizing everyone up just to put them down, or that she thought she knew everything about everyone, or that he hadn't wanted to date her because she wasn't from the same background as him. Well good riddance, and lucky for Will, she didn't want anything to do with him anyway! She threw a pillow across the room for emphasis, and then flopped her head against the back of the couch, feeling exhausted from the night and from all the crying. She slid down to lay on her side, legs curled up under the blanket, fresh tears leaking down her nose from the side of her eye.</p>
<p>What had she been thinking!</p>
<p>She'd never felt so slandered and misjudged, and yet she couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. She felt wave after wave of guilt and embarrassment. Deep shame. It was enough to make her want to cover her face and hide. The kiss had not been a brief peck on the cheek, not something that she could brush off as inconsequential. It had lasted far too long and been far too intense to be meaningless. And she couldn't pretend that it had been one sided, or that it had been all Will's fault. She kissed him back eagerly. At least it had been before he'd said any of the things that'd hurt her feelings. She hadn't been thinking that he was an asshole when she kissed him.</p>
<p>She had never felt that kind of intensity or chemistry before with anyone. She'd felt it from her gut to her fingertips to her toes. It had turned her brain into a pile of mush. The kiss had felt more sexual than anything she'd experienced before, and she'd had actual sex with someone! For a moment she considered what it would have been like if she and Will had gone further, and it started to make sense to her for the first time why people made such a big deal about sex, why they did so many stupid things for it. Maybe she'd just been lonely. She'd spent all summer as the third wheel to her sister's relationship and hadn't had any physical contact with a man in months. When given the opportunity for physical touch, her body had responded so eagerly that Beth didn't know what to think. Maybe it didn't even have anything to do with Will at all, just a body near to hers... But then again, Jamie had flirted with her and stood close to her and she hadn't made out with <em>him</em>. Why was her body attracted to a stupid, arrogant, lacrosse bro who never bothered to make conversation and thought she wasn't good enough to be with? Her mouth turned down into a deep frown, thinking again how much what Will had said had wounded her. Fresh tears spilled out onto the pillow and she had to reach for the roll of toilet paper again for more tissue. For the first time she was glad she would be going home tomorrow, glad to get away from this mess she had made.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth was startled awake the next morning by a knock on the door to the apartment. She hadn't remembered falling asleep on the couch. She blinked her eyes, feeling congested and slow to wake. Her mood had not improved and she still felt embarrassed and angry and hurt. She walked slowly to the door and opened it when she saw Carla on the other side through the peep hole. Her friend's mood was a stark contrast to her own. She breezed into the apartment, a to-go carry container with coffees in one hand and a box of pastries in the other. She looked tired but rosy and happy, still wearing the same green romper from the night before.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" she asked, taking one look at Beth's swollen eyes. "Your face is all splotchy and red."</p>
<p>"Just allergies," Beth lied, and she was congested enough that it sounded true.</p>
<p>Carla nodded and then held up one of the cups. "Coffee?"</p>
<p>Beth took the cup gratefully. She felt foggy and discombobulated after crying so much the night before. Carla hummed to herself as she brought down plates from her cupboard for the pastries, and despite her own mood, Beth couldn't help smiling at her friend.</p>
<p>"So how did it go?" she asked, and Carla grinned from ear to ear.</p>
<p>"Ah-mazing," she sang in a sing-song voice. "I'm hangover as I got basically <em>no</em> sleep. But it was great. Rich is so funny, and he's sweet too..."</p>
<p>Without meaning to, Beth found herself zoning out. How could she explain the night to Carla? How could she explain it to anyone when she still didn't understand what had happened herself? She'd cried herself out, but it still made her frown to think about what Will had said, and now she had a growing sense of unease about what she had said back. Why had she even brought up Jamie? She'd made it seem like the two of them were close friends when she'd only talked to him the one time. She chewed the corner of her lip. Will had reacted so strongly when she'd brought up Jamie. He was angry, yes, but also upset. That didn't fit at all with what she'd expect from someone who'd done it just for petty revenge.</p>
<p>"Are you sure you're okay?" Carla interrupted her thoughts, and she snapped back to attention. Her friend was looking at her with concern.</p>
<p>"Yeah," she replied, trying to sound convincing. "I just slept funny. I wasn't awake yet when you knocked, so you'll have to wait until the coffee kicks in." She couldn't tell Carla, she decided. She wasn't ready to talk about it at all and too fragile to hear anything Carla might say in response.</p>
<p>Carla nodded, still scrutinizing her friend. "You made it home okay from the bar and everything, right? Did you take a cab?"</p>
<p>Beth cleared her throat. "Will walked me home." She made an enormous effort to be as casual as possible, to not have it show in her voice or on her face. She took a big sip from the coffee as a way to hide her face, lest anything showed, and then made a show of picking out one of the pastries and taking a large bite.</p>
<p>"And how was that?" Carla asked with interest. "You seemed to be getting along."</p>
<p>Beth's reply was as vague as possible, and she waved it away with her hand. "Oh, it was fine. I just fell asleep on the couch when I got home."</p>
<p>"That's too bad. I was hoping you'd had an exciting night, too."</p>
<p>"Nope," Beth lied, wishing for all the world that it was the truth.</p>
<p>"Did you decide that you don't like him after all?"</p>
<p>Beth almost laughed aloud at that comment in light of everything that had happened the night before. "That ship has sailed," was all she replied.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Leaving on the train that afternoon, Beth felt an intense mixture of feelings. She had missed Carla and exploring the city had been exciting. She was sad to say goodbye, knowing that it was the last time they'd get to spend together before she left for college. But the ending with Will had spoiled everything for her. The train ride home wasn't long, but she had nothing to distract herself from her own thoughts, and she felt like she was going crazy, reliving everything that had been said. For the first time, doubt was coloring her feelings. Was Will right? Did she really act like she was some kind of expert about how everyone else should act? About who was cool and who was not? The examples that he'd chosen made her think. She had made fun of Lydia's friends at the 4th of July festival; on many occasions, she'd talked about how happy she was to get away from everyone she knew in high school; and she'd made fun of the men in the skinny jeans and the beanies at the bar the night before. She'd judged Will too, that was for certain. Was he right about her? She'd never felt insecure about herself this way before.</p>
<p>She arrived home with the same thoughts still distracting her. Why had she kissed him- why had she brought up Jamie- why had he looked so sad when she did- was he right- why did she care about what he thought at all- he was just some stupid lacrosse bro- was that her just being judgmental again- why had she kissed him- -why had she brought up Jamie- it never ended! She was supposed to be packing, supposed to be happily awaiting her trip to school next week, and instead she was driving herself insane. After spending the entire day wrapped up in her own head, she finally decided to call her sister, flopping down on her bed as the phone rang. She was sure Jane's calming voice would make her feel better about what happened.</p>
<p>"Hey you," Jane replied happily, and Beth had never been so relieved to hear someone's voice before.</p>
<p>"Can you talk?" she asked, and when Jane replied yes, she added, "Are you alone?" The last thing she wanted was for Charles to be in the room eavesdropping on this conversation.</p>
<p>"Yes," Jane replied slowly. "What's going on? Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Beth sighed deeply. "I am very confused, and I need your help. I did something...stupid," she finished, not knowing what else to say.</p>
<p>"In D.C.?" Jane asked seriously.</p>
<p>"Will Darcy was there. His aunt owns the gallery where Carla works."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Jane's tone was entirely different now, shifting from true worry for Beth to interest and intrigue.</p>
<p>"Yes, so he was there, and we all went out last night to a bar...and then I made out with him. For like a <em>long</em> time," Beth said in a rush while Jane hooted on the other end of the phone.</p>
<p>"You didn't!" Jane gasped and began laughing wildly. When Beth didn't respond, she continued. "Oh, you did! Was he good? I feel like he'd be good. He has nice hands."</p>
<p>Beth buried her face in a pillow for a moment before responding. "<em>Yes</em>," she said grudgingly. "But that's not the point..."</p>
<p>"As your big sister, I demand details."</p>
<p>Beth groaned. "<em>God,</em> I don't know. One minute we were bickering walking home, and then we were kissing, and I mean <em>kissing</em>, and then I—I panicked, and we got into a huge fight," she finished. "Right before we got in the fight he said he had feelings for me: obviously, right? But somehow I was still surprised. It's <em>Will</em>. He was always quiet. I said some really dumb things to him. I wish I could go back."</p>
<p>Jane had sobered. "What's done is done. You can't do anything about it now. The last that I knew, you were not a fan of his," Jane added slowly.</p>
<p>"I am not a fan! I'm so not a fan. That's why I need your help," she moaned into the phone. She rolled onto her stomach and tried to give Jane a detailed breakdown of everything that had happened over the weekend.</p>
<p>"So this is what's bothering me now," she said, after finishing the longer explanation. "Why did I kiss him like that, and is he actually right about me? Am I this terrible, judgmental person?"</p>
<p>"No way!" Jane said immediately, followed by a pause where it seemed like she was choosing her words carefully. "Though...you do have strong opinions about things. But you're never mean to anyone about it. You're just decisive. You know what you like and what you don't like. I think it's a good part of your personality."</p>
<p>And I know whom I like and whom I don't like, and it's whomever flatters me, Beth thought, cringing. God, Will <em>was</em> right! Jane, who was her sister and loved her dearly, was putting a positive spin on it, but it was still the same thing that Will had said only in nicer terms.</p>
<p>"He's a handsome guy, Beth. I think you kissed him because you were attracted to him. You two talked the whole night at Charles' place, and I don't think you'd do that with someone unless there was an attraction there. You can still be attracted to someone even if you're not crazy about all aspects of their personality."</p>
<p>Beth hadn't given her sister the details of how intense it had been or of how much chemistry they shared. She was too embarrassed to admit it, even to Jane. She was telling Beth it was okay to be attracted to someone, but she had no idea of just how much attraction there had been.</p>
<p>"What do I do now?" Beth said sadly. Did she just ignore it and pretend like it never happened, praying that she'd never run in to Will at Pemberley once school started? She tugged open her laptop, feeling like she needed a distraction for this part of the conversation. She clicked on facebook absently.</p>
<p>"It depends on what you want, I think. Do you want to see him again?"</p>
<p>"No," Beth said emphatically, without thought. "Never, ever again."</p>
<p>"Okay," Jane said laughing. "Then you'll have to-."</p>
<p>"Oh, my <em>fucking god!</em>" Beth didn't even realize she'd cut Jane off. "Oh, my god. Jane, he sent me a message on facebook." Beth slammed the laptop shut and pushed it away, having a visceral reaction to what might be in the message. She hadn't been able to see what was in it, only that he'd requested to send it to her.</p>
<p>"<em>Read it to me right now!</em>" Jane said excitedly.</p>
<p>But Beth was pacing around her room, from one end to the other. "I can't. I can't even open it. Oh, my god."</p>
<p>"Read it!" Jane bellowed through the phone, and Beth chewed on a fingernail anxiously. She had not expected this, but it meant that he'd been thinking about her too. Her heart was pounding just thinking about what he might have written. Jane was talking excitedly on the other end of the phone, and Beth shushed her, sitting back down on her bed again and pulling the laptop open slowly.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm going to open it," she said, her heart in her throat. She had to know what it said.</p>
<p>"What does it say?" Jane was repeating over and over, but Beth could hardly process what she was seeing. The words blurred in front of her eyes and she had to blink just to focus. Beth had gotten to the third or fourth line of the message and her mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>"I have to call you back," she said, hanging up rudely as Jane's reply was lost.</p>
<p>The message was causing such a physical reaction in her. She couldn't seem to concentrate on the sentences in front of her, having to read each multiple times to make sense of what they said. She noticed immediately the length of the message. Longer than she would have expected.</p>
<p>
  <em>I had to send this to clear something up. You mentioned Jamie Wickham and how I had him expelled from St. Agnes. That was true, but you have to know the circumstances to understand why. I think we both want to forget what happened last night, but I need to know that you understand who he is. Jamie was notorious around school as the person to go to for drugs. He always had coke to sell. You said that we had some argument on the lacrosse field, but that's not right. We were friendly with each other. The school had some idea of what he was doing but let him get away with it because he was one of their top players. I guess it's important to know that my grandma died my sophomore year, and it really upset my sister, Anna. They had been close, but no one really expected her to take it as badly as she did. She went to Jamie looking for something to make her feel better. Or maybe he sought her out. I don't know. But she used coke as her coping mechanism. Wickham didn't seem to care that he was destroying her life as long as she paid cash. Rich and I finally noticed something was seriously wrong with her. Thankfully we were able to get her into rehab before she could OD or do any more damage to her life. My sister is the most important person in the world to me, and I did everything I could to make sure that Wickham couldn't sell to anyone else. The school just wanted to suspend him for a few months, but I was so angry that I went to the trustees and made sure they expelled him. So you're right that I did that, and maybe it did ruin his life. I don't know and I can't seem to make myself care about it. I hope you get why. <br/></em>
  <em>I wouldn't ever say this normally, but you shouldn't be friends with him. He's not a good person. </em>
</p>
<p>Below this was another message, written slightly later.</p>
<p>
  <em>Not that you would, but I hope you won't share this with anyone. No one but my family knows about Anna's history. Sorry that message is so long. You can ask Rich if you want confirmation of any of it. Wishing you the best.</em>
</p>
<p>Beth gaped. And then gaped some more, ignoring the increasing number of messages Jane was sending her. She'd have to fill her in later after she'd processed what Will had written. Carla had told her that Jamie was a drug dealer! That was one of the first things Carla had said when Beth asked how she knew him. And then she'd blown it off because it didn't fit with the impression he'd made on her. A big pool of embarrassment welled up in her stomach when she thought about what she had said to Will the night before. She covered her face with her hands. What an idiot he must have thought she was. No wonder he'd said she had no idea what she was talking about.</p>
<p>They had been thrown together a few times, and anyone who actually knew him only had wonderful things to say about Will. She had judged him, disliked him, yelled at him even, and she'd been wrong.</p>
<p>Jamie had fawned over her with attention and compliments, just like Will had said. She wondered for a moment what she would think of Will if he'd been the one flattering her instead. Talk about pride…she was the one with the ego. She could have cried right there, but she'd already cried so much the night before. She reopened the message instead and looked at the first part again. How truly awful it must have been to watch his sister suffer like that and to know who had enabled it. She imagined what she would do to anyone who hurt Jane, and expulsion was the very least of it.</p>
<p>Beth didn't know where that left her. Whenever she thought back to their kiss, she blushed hotly. She'd never <em>felt</em> anything like that before. The attraction had been so intense...</p>
<p>But now when she thought of what she had said to him, she was ashamed of herself. Will had opened her eyes to how she could be perceived by others, and she didn't like that version of herself. She'd known that he was honest to a fault; he'd said so at Charles's house earlier in the summer. But she'd never been on the receiving end of it, and she was still indignant at the way he had expressed his feelings toward her. Still, she had a newfound understanding of him and didn't know quite what to do with it.</p>
<p>What she'd said to Jane was true; she wasn't sure she ever wanted to see him again. The message hadn't been an apology. In fact, he said he wanted to forget it had ever happened. Just an hour ago, Beth would have agreed, but now she felt a sense of loss. Apparently, part of her had been hoping that he'd apologize or try to make things right. Now, with everything so confused and complicated, it all seemed out of the question.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. To be mistress of Pemberley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth arrives to Pemberley for the start of the semester</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How awful," Jane said with sympathy. Will had asked Beth not to share the information with anyone, but she had to tell Jane. 'Don't tell anyone' never applied to sisters, anyway. "Poor Will."</p><p>"Now that I've heard his side of the story, I can understand why he did it."</p><p>Jane murmured in agreement. "So what are you going to do?"</p><p>Beth pushed her hair back with one hand, silent for the moment as she tried to think. "I don't know. Everything I thought about the situation was wrong, and I don't know how to come back from what I said to him." She'd been entirely wrong about Jamie, and she'd realized, slowly, that Will hadn't been entirely wrong about what he'd said to her. They <em>were</em> from different backgrounds; she had thought it herself all throughout the night of the gallery opening. And then Jane had confirmed her propensity for making quick judgments about others. What he'd said had been a little too honest, and maybe said in the wrong moment, but he hadn't been wrong. Beth just wished she hadn't reacted so strongly.</p><p>"Do you think you'll respond to his message?"</p><p>She sighed heavily. "He can see that I've seen it. I just don't know what I could write in response. 'Oops, my bad' doesn't seem like it'll do the trick."</p><p>Jane laughed, and then replied thoughtfully. "You might see him next week when your semester starts..."</p><p>"No," Beth replied quickly. "If I see him, I'm going to run and hide in whatever hole is big enough to fit me. I am <em>mortified</em>. How likely do you think it is for me to run into him?" Beth asked suddenly, with growing concern.</p><p>"If you don't have a class together, then not that likely. The only reason I met Charles was because we were lab partners."</p><p>Beth felt sharp relief. "He's a junior and an econ major, so hopefully that's enough."</p><p>Jane's tone was delicate on the phone as she chose her words carefully. "Why don't you give it a few more days and then see if you feel like sending him a reply. Maybe once you get to school, you'll change your mind..."</p><p>"Maybe," Beth said to appease her sister. Jane always wanted things to be nice, but she didn't have much hope that her feelings would change. Guilt and embarrassment were still the two strongest feelings whenever she thought of Will. "I'll see you this weekend?" she asked Jane. The two of them were going to drive her car and all her things to campus after which she'd drive Jane to the airport to fly back to D.C.. Beth was grateful to have such amazing support from her sister.</p><p>"Bright and early. You better have those playlists ready!"</p>
<hr/><p>Beth sat on her bed and looked around the room in disbelief. Her walls, closets, and shelves seemed so bare. Everything she owned was packed away in boxes or plastic tubs, waiting to be taken to the car. Soon she'd be in another state, finally arrived at Pemberley. Weak, early morning sunlight was streaming through the window. It seemed like a good omen.</p><p>Beth felt strange. She had spent so much time waiting for this year. Now that it was looming in front of her, she was nervous. But she couldn't remember being so excited for something either. The years of hard work she had put into school were <em>finally </em>paying off. This was the start of her life, she felt. Everything would be different, starting tomorrow. One long drive, and then she and Jane would arrive at Pemberley. What would it be like living in a strange city full of people she didn't know? She didn't know the answers, but her car was packed and there was only one way to find out. She hugged Lydia and her parents goodbye, and then drove off with Jane, heading north.</p><p>The drive was everything she'd hoped it would be. They sang along with the music, gorging themselves on snacks and diet Coke along the way. The weather was perfect, with endless blue skies and fluffy white clouds. The first thing Beth noticed about Massachusetts was how many trees there were. Now, in the height of summer, the trees were <em>so</em> green, and they were everywhere along the highway. Great, green forests, everywhere she looked. Big boulders of granite and stone flashed by; they'd had to bore through giant clefts of rock to make the road. Beth thought it was beautiful.</p><p>Beth was impressed again by the beautiful brick buildings and lush green grass and trees that made up the sprawling campus as they drove up the main drive. Her fingers were tingling with excitement. She felt elation and a curious sense of freedom. "We know you're in Grays Hall. That's what your admission packet says," Jane piped up cheerfully after they stopped to get her room key. Jane looked at the map and navigated Beth toward the building. "Just up this main road and then around the corner."</p><p>Her roommate hadn't arrived yet, and her dorm room was smaller than she had remembered. The empty walls and bare mattresses were depressing. Clinical. Was she really supposed to live here with another person? The twin beds were lofted, leaving room underneath for the other furniture that she'd brought. Suddenly her mood dampened. But with Jane's help she started to unload everything, picking the side of the room that seemed to get more light. Perks of arriving first, she thought. They hung twinkle lights on her loft, put a few potted plants from home on the windowsill, and hung up posters of artwork that Beth really liked (a gift from Carla). Her comforter was new, and she thought it was the prettiest pattern. Standing back to look at everything they'd done, she started to feel better. The room was cozy, she decided. Small but not cramped, and now that her things were in place it didn't seem so much like a hospital ward.</p><p>"Looks like you're all set. It really came together in here," Jane said, eyeing the work they had done.</p><p>Beth was beginning to feel a sense of nervous dread; it was almost time to drop Jane off at the airport, and then she would be here all by herself. Jane could see her expression change, and she pulled her sister in for a big hug. "You're going to do so great. You'll love it. You'll see."</p><p>Beth nodded and held on for a few moments more, and then she stepped back, sighing. "Ready to go?"</p>
<hr/><p>The traffic around Logan airport on the way back was more than she had expected, and she arrived back to campus just in time for the evening orientation. She had been hoping to stop by her room, but she only had time to park the car in the lot for first year students and then walk to the assigned meeting spot for her group. Her orientation leader was an upperclassman wearing a fluorescent shirt that read "Aug-O".</p><p>"Hey, I'm Devan," he said, and although he was friendly, he was not very enthusiastic. Devan had everyone go around and introduce themselves, and then he pulled out a sheet of paper. "We're supposed to do these icebreakers, but they seem pretty lame." He shrugged. "Everyone down to just chill out instead?"</p><p>The group looked around at each other, and no one volunteered in favor of ice breakers. But as a result, Beth didn't really get to know anyone. Eventually, Devan led them to an area outside where chairs had been set up before a small stage. Beth looked around at her class, wondering if she'd ever really know all these people. Beth didn't know what a Provost was, but the Provost of Pemberley got up on the stage and gave a welcome speech. Beth welcomed the opportunity to zone out. Finally, it was over, and she walked by herself back to her dorm, feeling tired and overwhelmed and a little lonely.</p><p>She was shocked by the transformation of the room since she'd seen it last. Her roommate had arrived. Where Beth had brought posters, her roommate had brought actual canvas paintings and what looked like small sculptures and vases of clay in different glazes. Her comforter was an electric red color, and the woman herself...well...</p><p>What had Will said about her…that she thought she knew everything about everybody? Beth wouldn't let him be right, and she made a tremendous effort not to judge her new roommate on first sight.</p><p>"Hi! You must be my new roommate. I'm Marianne Dashwood." Her voice was lovely and musical. She smiled warmly, wearing black lipstick that made her teeth look very white. Her fingernails were painted black as well, and she had on ripped cutoffs and what looked like a t-shirt for an anime hanging off one shoulder. Black boots completed the outfit.</p><p><em>Don't judge, don't judge, don't judge</em>, Beth repeated to herself, shaking the offered hand. Beth could tell she was as excited and happy to be there as herself, and felt her own giddiness about the day return. Her coppery red hair was pulled back into two small buns, while two loose strands of hair framed her face. The hair blazed when set against her translucent, pale skin, blue eyes, and the black lipstick. Beth found it a little hard to take her seriously; Marianne measured a whopping 5 feet and had a very petite build. Like a slightly scary pixie.</p><p>"Orientation was <em>so boring</em>, don't you think? They really know how to kill the buzz of the first day."</p><p>Beth nodded. "I didn't get to talk to anyone. My orientation leader was...not very good at his job."</p><p>Marianne giggled. "Mine was really cool, and she invited me to a party later tonight. All the orientation people go and any upperclassmen on campus. Do you want to come with me? I'm kind of scared to show up alone."</p><p>Beth was pleased at being asked to join. "That sounds great, actually."</p><p>Marianne nodded in approval. "Awesome. I could tell you were cool," she said, flashing Beth a happy smile. Although it was silly, Beth felt relieved at the compliment. She wanted her roommate to like her.</p><p>Beth took a moment to examine the small sculptures that Marianne had placed throughout the room. "These are beautiful; did you make them?" Marianne nodded, smiling shyly. "You should be off at some fancy art school; these are really good."</p><p>"This was the only school where I got a good enough scholarship. None of the art schools had them. It's not so bad. The program here is pretty good." She shrugged unconcernedly.</p><p>Beth was glad she had held off judgment. Ignoring the lipstick, Marianne had turned out to be sweet. She hummed to herself as she unpacked, completely un-self-conscious. She was interested in getting to know Beth, seemed like a good listener, and she had been nice enough to invite Beth to tag along to the party, when she easily could have gone by herself and left Beth alone in the room.</p><p>"What do you think?" she asked Beth two hours later, smoothing out the skirt on a white sundress with yellow flowers. She still had on her boots and black lipstick.</p><p>"I like it," Beth said honestly, feeling that she could never be that bold. "Do you think this is okay?" she asked, gesturing at her own outfit. She hadn't wanted to look like she was trying too hard. She had on a pair of high-waisted shorts and strappy sandals with a simple tank top tucked in.</p><p>"Yes. And you should wear your hair down. That looks perfect." Marianne nodded in approval. "Can you believe it—our first party at Pemberley. It's so romantic!" she gushed dramatically.</p>
<hr/><p>Walking up to the house, Beth did not feel romantic or glamorous or anything but else nervous. The house was big and just a block off campus. She could hear music playing inside and see 25 people standing on the porch. Even more noise was coming from the backyard.</p><p>"Marianne, you made it!" The voice came from a woman with beautiful long, black hair and light brown skin who was standing on the porch near the front door. She gave Marianne a quick hug after they'd walked up the steps, and Beth was reminded again of how bad her orientation must have been. She doubted that Devan would even be able to recognize her.</p><p>"Beth, this is Lucy Reynolds. She is the shit."</p><p>Beth felt immeasurably grateful that someone had greeted them as soon as they'd arrived. She didn't think she would have been brave enough to walk into the party otherwise. Either Marianne put on a good act, or she genuinely didn't care what people thought about her. She'd walked up right up to the party like they belonged, without a hint of hesitation.</p><p>"Welcome," Lucy said, throwing her hands wide. "This is the annual August Orientation party. There's a keg in the back, although they'll probably ask you to pay $5. How are you both enjoying your first night? How's the dorm?" she asked over her shoulder as they entered the house. Inside were more people, some dingy couches, and a dirty kitchen with a sink full of dishes. Exactly what Beth would have expected for the inside of a college house. They stepped outside through the back door, and Beth felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach. All the blood in her body seemed to rush into her cheeks. Because there was Will, standing at one side of the yard, facing away from the door and in conversation with a friend.</p><p>Oh, her heart was pounding. If it hadn't been dark outside, everyone would have been able to see her turn scarlet from the roots of her hair on down. She'd thought she'd run into Will at some point at Pemberley, but not on her very first day. And she still hadn't responded to his message! She felt herself cringe and wondered if Marianne would notice if she ran back inside and hid. She and Lucy were standing in line for the keg, but Beth shook her head when they offered her a cup, deciding the last thing she needed was a drink to make her say or do something stupid in front of Will. She couldn't decide if it would be worse to go say hello or to say nothing and then have him notice her and realize that she'd purposefully ignored him.</p><p>Marianne and Lucy were talking like old friends, but Beth could hardly pay attention to them; her eyes were continually drawn back to Will. Strange how easily she'd recognized him just from the back of his head, but she knew it was him without a doubt. Her thoughts cleared as the minutes passed, her heart rate returning to normal. She should talk to him, she decided. Rip the bandaid off and get the first meeting over with. High school Beth would have ignored him, but this was first-day-of-college Beth, and she decided she would be mature. And anyway, taking control of the situation was much better than having none.</p><p>She excused herself to go say hello. Her heart began racing again as she approached Will, and it was just sheer momentum that kept her going. Should she touch his shoulder? She half raised her arm and then decided it was a bad idea. Instead, she stepped around to the side of him and leaned her head to catch his line of sight. "Hello," she said, feeling suddenly stupid and nervous. Being mature was awful! She should have just hidden.</p><p>She did have the pleasure of watching numerous emotions cross Will's face, almost all at once. He was surprised, obviously, and confused. It was harder to tell in the dark, but he was blushing, the color heightening in his cheeks. "Beth!" He took a small step back in surprise at the sudden sight of her. "Hi."</p><p>Some physical greeting was required, her brain told her irrationally. She found herself extending her hand out in greeting, meeting his eyes fully for the first time. A handshake was a deeply weird thing to do, but somehow a hug seemed out of the question between the two of them, and her hand had shot out almost on autopilot. He seemed surprised but shook her hand. His hand was warm, and she quickly let go and shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts, still feeling foolish. Walking over had been the entirety of her plan. Now here she was, with no idea what to say. The friend next to him was smiling kindly and looking with mild interest at her. Oh god, now they were all going to stand here in silence. <em>What</em> had she been thinking? It was Will, after all, and so now they'd stand awkwardly until the ground swallowed her up in shame.</p><p>"Cole, this is Beth. Beth: Cole Brandon. He had the misfortune of being my roommate for two years. He's a senior."</p><p>She couldn't believe Will was doing introductions. There had been no awkward silence at all, and had that actually been <em>a joke</em> she'd heard? And all of it with a friendly smile on his face. She didn't know what she'd expected, but this wasn't it. Maybe Will had decided to be mature about it as well.</p><p>"It's nice to meet you," Cole said politely. "But since you're here, I'm going to take this opportunity to go to the bathroom. See you in a minute."</p><p>With that, their buffer left them alone and Beth began to panic inwardly, wondering what she could say. Every subject seemed to be taboo. <em>'The last time we were alone we were making out</em>' was a tad inappropriate for the situation, but it was <em>all </em>she could think of, the sentence running over and over through her head.</p><p>"You must be excited—first day and all," Will said lightly after a few moments of silence had passed. "I wondered if I'd see you out."</p><p>Will Darcy was actually making small talk with her—unfathomable. She responded without thinking.</p><p>"My roommate got invited to the party. It's been a pretty hectic day. I'm just feeling lucky that Pemberley wanted to raise its enrollment; otherwise, who knows where I'd be." The second it came out of her mouth, Beth wished she could take it back. She'd meant it as a joke; she was feeling so nervous. But at the pained look that briefly flashed across his face, she wished she'd said nothing instead. It had not been funny at all. <em>Fuck</em>, she thought.</p><p>There was only the slightest pause. "Well, someone obviously thought you and your roommate were very cool. Freshmen don't usually get invited to the orientation after-party."</p><p>She was relieved that he wasn't offended by how much she'd stuck her foot in her mouth, and she found herself smiling at him, grateful for the fact that he had let her remark go and that he wasn't letting the conversation drown in awkward silence for once. "More like my roommate is cool. My orientation leader couldn't pick me out of a lineup, I'm sure."</p><p>He laughed before looking off into the distance.</p><p>"Will," she said suddenly, and he turned his head back to make eye contact with her, caught by the change in her tone and his name. "Thank you for the message. I-well, I-..." she paused for a while, unable to look directly at him. There was too much to say. His message had been so personal, such a sad thing for his family. She'd been so wrong about Jamie. Seeing him again, she'd realized she had to say <em>something</em> to address what had happened. She looked back up, and he was looking at her with interest, waiting for whatever she would say next.</p><p>"I'm sorry," she finally said, looking at him pointedly, trying to convey as much feeling as she could in such a small sentence. She meant she was sorry for more than just his sister or for the things she'd said, but for everything.</p><p>He nodded and looked down for the first time. "I'm sorry, too."</p><p>They considered each other for a long moment, and then Beth decided to extend an olive branch. It didn't make sense to hold onto any of the negative things that had happened now that she was here. Jane had been right. "What do you say...friends?"</p><p>She watched as a slow smile broke across his face, transforming his features, and felt herself smiling in return. "Yeah, I'd like that."</p><p>"Beth!" Marianne was waving her over, and she saw Will's friend walking back towards him from the house, giving her an excuse to leave the conversation without feeling like she was abandoning him. It had been a heavy conversation, and she felt like she needed time to get used to the idea of being friendly with him. "Enjoy your first week of classes," he said, and she smiled and gave him a small wave, walking back toward Marianne.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Sensibility</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth finishes her first three weeks of school and attends a party at Cole's request, though it doesn't go like anyone planned</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Although her roommate situation had been one of her primary worries, Beth's interactions with Marianne had only been positive and for that she was very happy. Marianne was different than the girls Beth had gone to high school with; she was unique, sometimes strange, and often caught in a daydream or humming to herself. But somehow their personalities meshed, and Beth preferred the little daydreamer to the college version of Lydia she had feared she'd be sharing a room with.</p><p>She and Marianne went to the dining hall for breakfast, and Beth was incredibly grateful to have someone to sit with and talk with. Despite all their other differences, (Marianne had on a Hello Kitty shirt this morning), Marianne was easy to talk with, and Beth found herself genuinely enjoying their conversations. Marianne had a style all her own. Beth had a gotten a glimpse into Marianne's closet and it was full of delicate dresses in subdued colors and silk scarves in pretty patterns...and t-shirts for heavy metal bands, Hello Kitty shirts, and an anime show that Beth had never heard of. Her shoes were black and clunky, with scuff marks around the toes. Everything about Marianne was confident. She wore whatever she wanted; she talked to whomever was around her, and people responded positively. Her confidence was inspiring.</p><p>As the first day passed, Beth began slowly but surely to learn the names of the girls in the surrounding rooms and other members of her class. She had everything completely under control and was feeling pretty good about herself until 5,000 people arrived to move into their rooms. All the freshman had moved in a day before the upperclassmen. Suddenly she felt like one tiny insignificant drop of water in a huge ocean of older and smarter people. She liked the anonymity the school offered her, but it was a lot to get used to. Still, she was happy to be where she was, and she couldn't wait for her classes to start.</p>
<hr/><p>"Beth…don't you have a class at 8:00?" Marianne asked in a voice laced with alarm.</p><p>Beth rolled over to look at the clock. It read 7:49, and she shot up with a start, jumping and kicking out from under the covers, almost landing in a heap on the floor as she struggled down from the loft. She had decided not to procrastinate the night before and she had set out everything she needed for the day. She had tried, in vain, to go to sleep at a reasonable time, but she and Marianne ended up talking for several hours. She had also forgotten to set her alarm.</p><p>"I'm going to be so late!" Beth exclaimed as she hurriedly put on her clothes and piled her unruly hair into a messy bun. Marianne handed Beth her bag and a stick of gum.</p><p>"You should have procrastinated like I did. I'm sure you would have woken up on time. But, since you prepared, your alarm clock didn't go off. It's some kind of universal law."</p><p>"How convenient. See you later!" She hurried out the door, down a few flights of steps, and out her dorm doors. She took a deep breath of the cool morning air and began her run across campus. Thankfully, she was spared any further embarrassment, for there were only a few people out to witness her sprint. Not many students had signed up for the 8am classes. As she opened the door to the science center, a young man collided roughly with her, almost causing her to fall with the force.</p><p>"I'm so sorry. I was running late, and I wasn't looking. Are you all right?" he said hurriedly, catching her arm to keep her steady. He looked mortified for almost bowling her over. She looked up laughingly into his concerned eyes. "Hi again!" he said in surprise, and Beth suddenly noticed that it was Will's friend from the night before. Cole Brandon, she remembered.</p><p>"Hi! I'm running late, too. Where are you headed?"</p><p>"Psych 101. What?" he added at the look on Beth's face.</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>He smiled at the coincidence. "Let's go." He ushered her through the door. They turned the corner, and Cole pushed her lightly through the classroom door. She was struck with sudden stage fright as 65 heads all turned to see who had walked in late.</p><p>"Mr. Brandon," the professor said in a dry voice. "It's so nice of you to show up for class. I really appreciate punctuality in my T. A."</p><p>"Dr. Thompson, I was going to be on time, but I ran into Beth...and we got into a discussion about Freud, and you know how I get about him." He said it with the utmost solemnity and innocence. The professor looked very much as though she wanted to laugh, but she let it go. Beth slid into the nearest open seat and mouthed a grateful 'thank you' to Cole, who nodded gravely, and then she tried to concentrate as the professor began to lecture. Her heart was still racing from the run.</p>
<hr/><p>As the rest of the class shuffled out, Beth slowly packed up her notes and handouts. She wanted to catch Cole at the door so she could thank him. She waited until he had finished talking with the professor and then lightly touched his arm.</p><p>"Are you leaving?"</p><p>He looked up, surprised. "Yeah, let me pack this stuff." He shuffled his papers into a neat pile and packed them into his bag before showing her out the door.</p><p>"Thank you so much for making that joke at the start of class. I don't know what I would have done if I had to walk in late by myself."</p><p>"Don't worry about it," he said calmly. "Everyone has horror stories from their first semester here. It's part of being a freshman." Although Cole was several years older than Beth, he didn't seem to mind that she had struck up a conversation with him. She appreciated how much he downplayed her showing up late to the first class. She felt herself relax.</p><p>"Where are you going next?" he asked. "I'd be happy to make you late again."</p><p>She smiled. "I'm meeting my roommate. Would you like to join us?" Inviting him to lunch seemed like the least she could do.</p><p>Cole smiled sadly. "I have another class. But we're going in the same direction. How about I walk you there?"</p><p>They chatted amicably on their walk. Beth had built up all sorts of ideas about college seniors in her head, but Cole was a nice, ordinary guy. He was a little solemn, an impression that was accentuated by the shape of his eyes that tilted down and made him look sad, but she could tell he was kind. He'd taken the time to walk with her, perhaps guessing that she felt a little lost and unsure, and she couldn't say how much she appreciated that.</p><p>As they approached the student-run café, she started looking for Marianne. They'd agreed to meet outside by the doors. "Beth! I have to tell you somethi—oh hello," Marianne said to Cole, as soon as she realized Beth had been walking with him. Beth introduced them, and Marianne's glance was polite, and her eyes flickered up and down Cole without much interest before she turned her attention back to Beth.</p><p>Cole, on the other hand, seemed very interested. "Is that an Evangelion t shirt?" he asked excitedly, pointing to Marianne's outfit. She'd paired it with a floral miniskirt and her combat boots.</p><p>"Yep," Marianne replied. Beth was surprised; she knew Marianne was more than capable of making conversation, but she obviously didn't feel like doing it. But Cole was nice! True, he maybe wasn't the most attractive guy she'd seen around campus, but his wire rimmed glasses framed his face nicely and he had been so kind to her this morning. She turned to Cole, wondering where the intelligent and engaging man she had walked with earlier had gone. He seemed to have been struck dumb. She coughed delicately and pointed to the café.</p><p>"We've got to be going. I know you've got a class to get to," she added lightly.</p><p>He shook himself a little. "Right. It was <em>nice</em> meeting you," he added to Marianne.</p><p>She nodded, uninterested. "Likewise."</p><p>Beth gave a little wave before she and Marianne turned and entered the doors. "Marianne, why didn't you talk to him about the anime show?" Beth asked with curiosity. "Cole is really nice."</p><p>"I'm sure he is, but I was too excited! I couldn't wait to tell you." She paused for dramatic effect. "I've met my <em>soulmate</em>."</p><p>"Really? After only a few hours?" Beth asked, skeptically.</p><p>"<em>Yes,</em> really," Marianne said, ignoring her sarcasm. "He's tall and gorgeous, really. You should see his cheekbones. I just want to sculpt them; they're perfect. He was my partner for one of those stupid icebreakers, but we talked poetry all through class. He's an artist too and so intense about his work. He looks at you like he can see right into your soul…<em>so</em> sexy…" Marianne finished with a little sigh.</p><p>"Does this dream-boat, sex-machine have a name?"</p><p>"John Willoughby... I just love saying it. Isn't that the most perfect name you've ever heard?" Marianne had either missed the sarcasm or chose to ignore it.</p><p>"The <em>dreamiest</em>," Beth replied. Marianne narrowed her eyes into a little glare, which was not at all frightening or intimidating.</p><p>"I'm sorry that I didn't try to talk to your new friend, okay?" Marianne said, sounding not at all sorry. "When you've met your soulmate, it's hard to care about anything else," she said airily. "Plus, he looked about as passionate as a pair of socks."</p><p>Beth made a tsk noise with her tongue. "Be nice. Cole saved me today when I walked into class ten minutes late. And he was kind enough to walk with me afterward, so I wasn't all alone on my first day."</p><p>"He sounds great," she said with a wave of her hand. "And I forgot you were late. How did it go?"</p><p>Beth realized Marianne was deftly maneuvering around the Cole subject, but she let it go.</p><p>"Apart from the whole waltzing in late bit, it was fine."</p>
<hr/><p>As the weeks passed, Beth realized there was a reason Pemberley was one of the most prestigious schools in America. Most days Beth was simply buried under her coursework. Her professors had wasted no time assigning hundreds of pages of reading and multiple essays. She'd spend hours in class each day, and the sessions were intense. Most of them were discussion based, and the professors would cold call on students. Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of the class, Beth had stayed up late every night trying to stay caught up. By the end of the third week, she was more than tired and was wondering how she would make it through another 12 weeks of classes. She didn't want to spend the entirety of her college career in the library. She hoped it would get easier with time.</p><p>She hadn't run into Will again in her first three weeks at school. She couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. For one, her brain was frazzled by the end of the day, and she worried if she did run into him, she'd say something foolish. Despite apologizing, she still felt that twinge of embarrassment when she thought about how she'd rejected him. In a way, it was amazing he'd been nice enough to talk with her at that first party at all. She was relieved he didn't hate her or seem to have lingering resentment. They'd gotten the first meeting out of the way, making amends as much as the could. She wasn't sure they needed to do any more than that. Marianne had asked about him the night of the party, and she'd given a very short summary of their past and left out all of the juicer bits. If Marianne knew the whole truth, she would make up her own romantic version of the story. Instead of describing the blundering, awkward interactions of Beth and Will, it would become a story of doomed lovers. Beth thought it would be much easier to make a fresh start without Marianne's input.</p><p>Beth and Cole would often walk together after class. After bonding over walking in late together, they started up an easy friendship. She wondered if <em>he</em> would ever ask her how she knew Will, but that was the difference between men and women, she supposed, because he never did, even though Beth was secretly dying to know what Cole had thought about living with Will.</p><p>She did learn a surprising thing about Cole; he loved to play the guitar. She made him promise to play for her, but he just smiled shyly and changed the subject. That shyness came out in other ways, too. When it was just the two of them, he would smile and talk, but whenever they were around Marianne, he would freeze up and go mute. Marianne was merciless in her snubbing of him, perhaps guessing that his silence indicated a special interest in her. Cole finally brought up the subject one day.</p><p>"Beth, I need your advice. I like Marianne and—."</p><p>She rolled her eyes and interrupted. "Really? I hadn't noticed."</p><p>He sighed. "I don't know how to act around her. I clam up. But I can tell from all the t shirts she wears that we have a lot in common or at least a lot of similar interests. You've got to help. There's a party this Friday. It's at my fraternity house. Will you come? Will you bring Marianne? It would be easier to talk to her there." He saw her starting to protest. "Please? The fraternity isn't what you think—or at least, not entirely," he amended after noticing her judgmental expression.</p><p>"I don't know, Cole. A frat party?"</p><p>"Don't say it like that. <em>I'm</em> in this fraternity, aren't I?" and that mollified Beth a little. "The three of us will hang out, and if you don't like it you don't have to stay."</p><p>She sighed. "All right. I'll try to get Marianne to go. For the record, I don't think this is a very good idea, and so if you get hurt it's <em>definitely </em>not my fault."</p><p>"Deal," he said, smiling softly.</p>
<hr/><p>On the evening of the party, she let Marianne do her makeup. She'd never been able to do anything more than eyeliner on herself. Marianne made it look easy. No black lipstick this time, although Marianne had jokingly suggested it.</p><p>The nights were getting colder, so Beth wore a jacket over her dress. As they walked toward the fraternity house, Beth breathed out a little sigh of contentment. It was such a relief to be done with classes for the week. She'd have an enormous amount to do tomorrow, but she'd think about that later. The evening was a perfect early fall twilight. A half moon was just becoming visible in the darkening night sky. A light breeze sent the first fallen leaves into a whirlwind of color around their feet before dancing off across the deserted street.</p><p>They could hear the party before they could see it. A booming bass and a large crowd gathered outside the front porch let them know which house it was. She knew about a third of the people outside from her freshmen classes, and while Marianne stopped to talk, Beth continued on inside. She wanted to find Cole so they could drop off their jackets and purses in his room. He had promised to keep the door locked so their belongings would be safe. She turned to enter another room just as someone was exiting, and they just managed to keep from running into each other.</p><p>Beth stepped backwards, looking up in surprise. Will had on dark jeans and a plain long-sleeved shirt. His wavy hair was sticking out slightly in the back like he'd just run his hands through it. He looked surprised to see her as well, although he was doing a better job than she was at hiding it. He smiled down at her, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.</p><p>"Hi," they said at the same moment. Beth noticed his body language and that he seemed completely at ease in the house. She was struck by a sudden idea.</p><p>"You're in this fraternity?"</p><p>He smiled knowingly. "And I can already tell what you think about that."</p><p>Beth looked guilty, getting caught in the very thing he had accused her of outside of Carla's apartment.</p><p>"It's not what you'd think based on movies. Lots of the members are sober...although a lot aren't, too. We do a lot of philanthropy in the community. The thing about fraternities is they're only as good or bad as the people who're in them," he added as an afterthought, shrugging. "Anyway, you're here, so you must not think we're all that bad."</p><p>"I wouldn't go that far," Beth said with a teasing smile.</p><p>"Are you looking for someone?" Will asked curiously as she craned her neck to see who else was in the room.</p><p>"Cole."</p><p>Will blinked at that, and she could see the question written all over his face. But he didn't ask it. "I was talking to him in the kitchen; he's probably still there."</p><p>Before she could reply, a girl Beth vaguely recognized took the moment to come up to Will. Beth's conversation with him had been continually interrupted by people walking by saying hello, but this was the first time someone had actually stopped to chat.</p><p>"Will, how are you? I haven't seen you all semester," she said cheerily. She looked Beth over with a quick up and down, and it wasn't friendly. Beth almost laughed at the animosity; she thought Beth was hitting on Will.</p><p>He looked taken aback at the interruption, but he answered her kindly, which Beth noticed with some surprise. Over the summer, whenever anyone had offered him unwanted attention, he'd iced them out. She wondered now about this newly nice version of him. The girl gave her another look, and Beth took the cue to excuse herself. She didn't need to get into something over <em>Will</em>. "I'm going to find Cole," Beth said, trying to keep from laughing at the idea of fighting over him. "Maybe I'll see you later," she finished. He opened his mouth to say more, but Beth was already turning away.</p><p>She found Cole in the kitchen, standing a little way off in the corner by himself. "You clean up rather nicely, Mr. Brandon," she said, teasing him. He was not a sharp dresser, but he had put on a nicer shirt than usual for the party or perhaps for Marianne. It didn't have any visible holes, at least.</p><p>"Likewise, Miss Bennet."</p><p>She had borrowed one of Marianne's dresses, even though she thought it didn't look nearly as nice on her as it did on Marianne. On petite Marianne, it was very loose and flowing, hanging down to her shins; she looked like a punk woodland fairy. On Beth, the dress was still moderately modest, but it hugged her curves and stopped just at her knees. Marianne had been emphatic in saying how good Beth looked in it, so she'd worn it.</p><p>"Yeah, well, I try. Can I put my jacket in your room?" she asked. "It's hot in here."</p><p>It was only as they were going up the stairs together that Beth realized what it must look like. But maybe the association with Cole would do the trick and keep the drunk frat boys away from her, she thought as she dropped her jacket and purse on Cole's bed. His room was tiny, but she noticed Cole had made some effort: the bed was made and the floor was clear of clothing. She also noticed the same anime from Marianne's shirts on the posters in Cole's room.</p><p>"Alright, Cole. We're going to go find my roommate, and you're going to make a wonderful impression. You'll speak eloquently, maybe quote some poetry, and she'll fall madly in love with you."</p><p>"I don't know about all of that. I'd settle for not looking like a total idiot. You'd think it would be easier than this. She likes anime; I like anime; that should be all it takes."</p><p>Beth laughed as they returned downstairs with Cole nervously wringing his hands. The large living room was transformed from when Beth had last seen it. The lights were out now, and couples had joined up to dance. Marianne was dancing quite closely with a tall and darkly handsome boy who did have rather nice cheekbones, Beth noticed. She let out a sigh, disappointed. "Damn." They were too late. She grabbed his wrist. "Let's go back to the kitchen." She had to shout for him to hear what she was saying. What little hope she had had for him and Marianne was gone with the appearance of John Willoughby, her dancing partner. "I've got bad news for you. I thought you might have a chance with Marianne…but I just saw her dancing with a guy that she likes from one of her classes. And, well, I don't really think she knows you're alive." She frowned, hoping it hadn't been too mean, but she didn't know what else to tell him. Apparently liking anime wasn't enough.</p><p>"I kind of thought that's how it was. I'm probably too old for her anyway. Why would she pay any attention to me."</p><p>Beth frowned again, looking for some way to distract him. Her eyes fell on a giant Rubbermaid tub filled with red liquid.</p><p>"What is <em>that</em>?" she asked.</p><p>"Jungle juice. Honestly, it's mostly Everclear and powdered Hawaiian punch. Dangerous stuff."</p><p>It didn't sound appetizing, but Beth felt like she had a duty to distract him. "In that case, <em>you</em> need to drink up. Forget this Marianne nonsense. Let's have a drink, and then we'll mingle. There has to be at least one other woman here who has seen your Evangelist anime show."</p><p>Cole laughed out loud at her blunder, reaching for two solo cups. "Evangelion, Beth. Evangelion."</p><p>"Whatever," she replied, unconcerned. She sniffed at the liquid while he took a big sip of his.</p><p>"Tastes like regret," he said, struggling to talk through the strong taste of it.</p><p>Beth sniffed at the liquid again before shrugging her shoulders recklessly. It was college, after all. She took a gulp and couldn't keep her features from twisting at the taste of the alcohol, only slightly dampened by the sweet flavoring of the punch. She stuck her tongue out.</p><p>"This is supposed to be punch? It tastes like rubbing alcohol smells."</p><p>Instead of responding, Cole let out a large burp, and Beth laughed. "The mark of a true frat boy. We need to get you a beer can so you can smash it on your head." Beth took a few more tiny sips of the drink, grimacing each time. She hadn't had much for dinner, and the alcohol already seemed to be rushing through her system, warm in her stomach and fingers.</p><p>Perhaps because it held the punch, the kitchen had a magic draw to the party goers. A constant stream of people fluxed in and out of the room. Beth and Cole had perched themselves against one part of the countertop and were watching their fellow students with amusement. Braver than she normally would have been after a cup of punch, she asked Cole the question she had been wondering ever since she'd met him.</p><p>"I ran into Will Darcy earlier. You two were roommates. How was that?"</p><p>"I miss living with that kid," he said fondly. "It was great." He arched an eyebrow at Beth. "Why are <em>you</em> asking about Will? I forgot you two knew each other before."</p><p>"No reason," Beth said quickly. She took a drink from her cup to buy time.</p><p>"How do you know him?" Cole asked, undeterred. She could see him jumping to conclusions.</p><p>"I met him this summer. And then I ran into him earlier tonight, that's all," Beth finished lamely. Cole was still looking at her with his solemn eyes, and Beth had the unsettling feeling that he was filling in the gaps of her story for himself.</p><p>"Don't tell me you're part of the Darcy fan club," he said, and that made her laugh aloud. "Every year there's a little gaggle of freshman girls that can't get over him. It would be annoying except for how obviously uncomfortable it makes him."</p><p>"I'm pretty sure I ran into one earlier. Very territorial, aren't they?"</p><p>"Very."</p><p>Beth smiled into her cup. All in all, the night was turning out to be pretty fun. Cole was good company despite the bad news about Marianne, and it was nice to just let loose for a night. She filled up her cup with more punch for good measure, tapping her solo cup against Cole's to cheers him.</p>
<hr/><p>A few hours later, and she was <em>drunk, </em>with the room spinning around her. Cole had left her to go to the bathroom, and then she had lost him in the crowd, wandering from one room to the next. She took a moment to lean against the wall of the living room, closing her eyes against the spins. Will was leaving the party, walking through the living room to the front door when he suddenly noticed Beth with her shoes in hand, using the wall as support.</p><p>"Are you all right?"</p><p>She brightened considerably on seeing him, her eyes popping open. "Will Darcy! I'm <em>fine</em>. I'm…" she giggled. "The ceilingss ssspinning." She blew a stray hair out of her eyes.</p><p>"Do you want to go outside and get some air?" he asked kindly, leading her out the front door.</p><p>She placed her shoes in his hands without asking while she sat down ungracefully on the front step, pointing to the step next to her. "Sit. How'sitgoing?" She said the sentence in one jumble and leaned over to nudge him with her arm. "Good party?"</p><p>"Yeah, pretty good," he said, playfully returning her nudge. "I was actually going to leave, though."</p><p>"You can't go home! There's more fun to be had!" A knowing smile came over her face. "Try the <em>punch</em>."</p><p>His smile was wry. "Oh, I've had my fair share of that punch in the past. Maybe some other time." He stood up slowly, noticing just how drunk she looked and wondering whether she needed to leave the party. She hadn't been with anyone: no roommate, no Cole, just standing alone in the living room looking slightly ill. "Are you going home too? I could walk you…"</p><p>"You're ss-so nice! I'll just—Oh My God! <em>Where</em> are my <strong><em>shoes</em></strong>?" She jumped to her feet frantically only to lose her balance and stumble into him.</p><p>"You gave them to me, remember?" She looked up at him, confused. "Don't worry, I've got them. Can you walk?"</p><p>She huffed indignantly, tossing her head and obviously feeling insulted. "Of course, I can <em>walk</em>…I just can't remember which way it is," she added delicately, after a pause.</p><p>He held up his hands, trying not to smile. "Just follow me."</p><p>The night was quiet as they moved away from the party. The moon had risen high in the sky, looking smaller than earlier in the evening. Beth stumbled over her own feet more and more as they walked, and eventually she linked their arms together. Will had cared for plenty of drunk friends in his time at Pemberley, both male and female, so he had no problem chaperoning Beth. Seeing and hearing her be so uninhibited was incredibly entertaining. The evening air was cold and he worried about her not wearing any shoes, but she didn't seem to mind. With a mischievous laugh, she slipped away from him, running ahead to sprawl out on a bench by the sidewalk under a bright street lamp. The bench was too short for the entire length of her body, so her feet dangled off one end as she lay on her stomach. She was making patterns in the dust and dirt with her fingers.</p><p>"You should sit up," he said with amusement when he caught up to her.</p><p>"No, I -mmphmp..." was Beth's incomprehensible response, but she turned to her side and slid her knees up to her stomach, so she was curled up on only one half of the bench.</p><p>As Will sat down next to her, he was struck with a mischievous idea of his own. "Well, if you don't sit up now, that big spider is going to start crawling up-"</p><p>Beth let out a piercing shriek. In a flash of movement, she sat up and flung herself across the bench over to him for protection, throwing her arms around his neck. Her knee pressed against his, and her breath was hot on his throat as she buried her face. "Kill it, <em>kill it, kill it</em>, please."</p><p>Will laughed so hard his eyes began to water, and after he caught his breath, he said, "I've never seen anyone move that <em>fast</em>."</p><p>Beth looked from his face to the ground where the nonexistent spider was supposed to have been. "Jerk."</p><p>She caught his eye, but he looked down quickly, the laughter slowly fading from his face. Their knees were still touching and she hadn't moved her arms from around his shoulders. When he glanced at her again, she was still looking at him intently, absentmindedly biting down on her lower lip. This time he didn't look away. Almost like she was testing what would happen, Beth leaned forward, bringing their faces closer together. Her eyes were on Will's mouth, but she didn't move any further. The silence was heavy in the moments that passed, only the sound of their breathing between them. "Are you going to kiss me?" she finally asked, looking up to his eyes.</p><p>He raised an eyebrow and searched her face. Her hair was disordered from the wind and the walk, and a rosy flush colored her cheeks. But her normally lively brown eyes were glassy, and he shook his head slightly. "No, not right now. That wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me, would it?"</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, putting distance between the two of them on the bench. "Fine. I didn't want you to do it <em>anyway." </em>She got up quickly only to plop back down onto the bench unsteadily a moment later. "Don't think I can walk anymore." She slumped down and closed her eyes.</p><p>"Looks like you're stuck with me then," he said kindly. He was still reeling from what happened moments before.</p><p>She didn't respond for a few minutes. "No, I'll stay here." She indicated the bench and surrounding bushes without opening her eyes.</p><p>"I don't think so. Where's your dorm?" he asked.</p><p>She still didn't open her eyes and only pointed off vaguely into the distance. "Dunno," she finally murmured.</p><p>"What do you mean, you don't know?'" he asked her with disbelief and growing concern, and she gave a little shrug.</p><p>"I don't have my <em>key, </em>Will. A slight problem," she said, indicating the distance of "slight" with her fingers.</p><p>"Where is it?"</p><p>"InCole'ssssroom," she replied, slurring again. "With all my other earthly belongingss." She spread her arms wide as she said it.</p><p>Will sighed, taking the moment to look her over. She was upright but swaying back and forth as she sat, like her body wasn't quite able to maintain balance, even when sitting. He couldn't leave her here. Who knew what would happen to her or what she would do on her own. It was too far to go back to the fraternity house; she would never make it there and back. He'd seen Cole before he left the party, and Cole wasn't in any better shape than Beth. They were close to the dorms now, but she couldn't get into her room and didn't have her phone or her ID. That meant he would have to swipe her into a building. Past experiences with Cole and fraternity brothers had made him good at solving late night problems. This wasn't the only time he'd run into the dilemma of someone losing their key. Still, that had been with Cole, not Beth. He had an idea, but he knew she never would have agreed to it if she'd been sober. Then again, Beth was far from sober.</p><p>She could sleep on the futon in his room. She might not like it in the morning, but it was better than waiting hours and hours for her to sober up.</p><p>"All right, come on." He put an arm around her waist to help her up. "Put your arm around me so I can help you walk."</p><p>"Where'rewegoing?"</p><p>"My room. In Donwell."</p><p>"<em>Mr.</em> <em>Darcy</em>! Gentleman indeed."</p><p>But that was all she said as Will laughed at her comment, and she didn't protest the plan. They had to walk closely with his arm firm around her waist to cover any distance. Beth was still talking and laughing, so he took that as a good sign. She was very drunk, but she didn't seem to be in any serious danger from it. They finally made it to Donwell Hall, and they only had to get up the stairs to reach his room. She slyly slipped out of his grasp and plopped down on the landing of the last flight, giggling.</p><p>"We're almost there. Are you going to quit now?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>." She stretched out on the landing of the stairs under the flickering fluorescent lighting, covering her head with her arms, apparently planning to lie for some time.</p><p>"You really won't try to walk?" he asked her, and she violently shook her head. He waited, but it seemed like she was telling the truth. Had she passed out? He couldn't tell. One thing was for sure, it would not look good to get caught like this with Beth lying on the floor. He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I'll carry you. It's just the last flight of stairs."</p><p>"Whoa," was all she said as he scooped her up.</p><p>"Beth, if you could try to look like you're alive, that would be <em>really</em> helpful," he said, breathing heavily as they prepared to enter the main hallway of the dorm from the stairwell.</p><p>She pulled her head into a more upright position but couldn't quite manage to get her eyes open. "I'm doingmybest," she slurred.</p><p>He laughed but had to control it. "Don't make me laugh. I'll drop you."</p><p>"Please don't."</p><p>"Look, we're here." He propped her up against the wall and fumbled hurriedly to get the keys from his pocket. He rushed to get his door open, but Beth had already slid halfway down the wall. So far, they hadn't run into anyone and he prayed that no one would come out into the hallway because, despite actually doing a good deed, the scene would not show him in a particularly flattering light. This would look even worse than the stairwell. Thankfully, all the doors in the hall stayed closed.</p><p>"Oh, no you don't," he said, hauling Beth upright. Her feet slid across the carpet as he dragged her dead-weight to a chair in his room, and she giggled as he did. He took a minute to catch his breath as the door closed behind them and then grabbed a large glass and filled it with water from a pitcher. "Drink this."</p><p>"Punch?" She took a sip and nearly spit it back out. "Don't want that," she said, trying to hand him the cup and only managing to spill a lot of the water all over herself.</p><p>He took the nearly empty cup from her and filled it again. "I'll make you a deal. When you finish it all, you can go to sleep."</p><p>She eyed him warily, arching her eyebrow. "Promise?"</p><p>"I promise." He smiled his most winsome smile.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, but she took the cup from him again. Taking a deep breath, she drank the whole cup in one go. "Happy?"</p><p>"Very." He turned to his dresser, rummaging in the drawers, and pulled out a long-sleeve t-shirt and a pair of shorts. When he turned back around, Beth was happily munching her way through a box of crackers, which she had grabbed from the top of his mini-fridge without asking. Will poured her another glass of water to go with the crackers. She didn't resist and even took a dainty sip.</p><p>"You can change into these, if you want," he said, holding up the shirt and shorts. From resting on the bench and in the stairwell, her dress was covered in dirt. Along with being very wet, there were also a lot of cracker crumbs now as well.</p><p>She smiled warmly at him, looking sleepy. "Thankss." She put the box of crackers down and stood unsteadily, balanced herself with the help of the chair, and then frowned.</p><p>"Something wrong?" Will asked. He hoped she wasn't about to vomit.</p><p>She mumbled something that ended with 'dress zipper'. "Help?"</p><p>He stared, mouth gaping for a second. "Ah…sure." She turned her back to him and drew her hair slowly over to the side, revealing the nape of her neck and the back of her dress. When he didn't move, she glanced over her shoulder with a look that clearly said, Well?</p><p>Will swallowed, but Beth stood calmly, unconcerned as he approached. His fingers trailed down her skin as he pulled the zipper, and he saw her shiver a little. "Sorry…" he murmured.</p><p>She turned around. "No problem." Without hesitation she began sliding the dress off her shoulders. Before Will could blink she was stepping out of it and kicking it to the side, seemingly unconcerned with standing in his room in her underwear. Will tried to have the decency to at least look down but didn't succeed very well.</p><p>She pulled the shorts on first and then clumsily pulled the shirt over her head. Beth finally seemed to notice that Will was watching the whole process. With a wicked smile, she reached up a finger and gently prodded his chest, saying, "Gentleman."</p><p>He didn't know if it was supposed to be a test or a taunt, but in another moment, she made a rather ungraceful leap onto his bed, which creaked in protest. Apparently <em>he</em> was going to spend the night on the futon instead.</p><p>Her voice was muffled by the covers. "You..." She paused and yawned hugely. "Smell <em>good</em>," she mumbled.</p><p>"Thanks..." He saw her dress lying in a pile on the floor and picked it up, smoothing out the fabric and laying it on the back of the chair. "'Night," he called out, but there was no response. She had already passed out. He made sure she was lying on her side and then grabbed a few extra blankets out of the closet to make up the futon.</p><p>Beth Bennet was in his bed, he thought with a smirk. Who could have predicted that? Of course, under the circumstances it was hardly romantic. But the timing had been good; he didn't know how else she would have gotten home from the party without his help. This was his definitive chance to show that he wasn't, in fact, an asshole. In the morning, he hoped she would agree.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. More of pain or of pleasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth awakens to the worst hangover of her life</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beth opened her eyes with a groan only to close them again quickly. The room was spinning, and the sunlight was blindingly bright. She pulled the covers over her head and snuggled deeper into the bed. If she kept her eyes closed and didn't move, the spinning stopped, and she didn't feel so much like vomiting. She inhaled deeply, fighting the wave of nausea and wondering why the sheets smelled so good today. The ringing of a phone rudely interrupted her thoughts, and she groaned again loudly. It was so loud! Why was this happening—it was Saturday! She reached over blindly, searching for the loft railing only to find it wasn't there. She didn't bother to move her head from under the blankets; she simply groped the air farther along with her hand. <em>Where</em> was the railing to her loft? This wasn't right.</p>
<p>When the phone beeped again, signaling a voicemail, she finally woke up. That wasn't her phone, and it didn't sound like Marianne's either. Sitting up with a start, she looked around in alarm as another wave of nausea hit her. She put both hands on her head to steady herself and swallowed heavily. Horror sunk in as Beth realized this was <em>not</em> her room. That was not her closet, her phone, her computer, her comforter, her <em>anything</em>. For one thing, it was a single. There was only one bed and it wasn't lofted. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, and she was exhausted. Her mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper. She slumped against the pillows. She was so hung-over she felt like <em>dying. </em></p>
<p>It wasn't Cole's room. The room was clean; the items scattered on the desk were high quality, including a cell phone. Looking down with a sharp intake of breath, she discovered she was wearing the occupant's clothing and that he was male. She was practically swimming in his shirt, which had a Pemberley logo on it. Where was her dress?</p>
<p>"Oh, god…" She couldn't have gone home with a man she didn't know. There was no way...! She wished she could remember what had happened! The party was all a blur, and she couldn't remember leaving. She'd been laughing with Cole, that's what she remembered. And lying on a bench...but that couldn't be right...</p>
<p>She was too sick to think properly, every fiber of her body fighting against the nausea. She looked down at the shirt thoughtfully. Had she seen anyone wearing it before? The door to the room opened, and she got her answer, blushing crimson at the sight of Will. Beth hadn't thought it could get any worse, but without a doubt, the situation had just reached a new low. She burrowed down into the covers, pulling them up to her eyes. She never wanted to come out again.</p>
<p>"Oh, <em>god</em>," she muttered.</p>
<p>She wanted to die. She put her head in her hands, still hiding under the covers. She couldn't bring herself to look at him; she was too embarrassed. But after a moment, she found herself laughing despite it all, laughing at herself and the situation and what she had done to herself. Maybe she was still drunk.</p>
<p>He smiled as he came in. Laughter was a much better reaction than he had been expecting. "You're up."</p>
<p>She pulled the covers down enough to look at him. Awkward or not, she would just have to deal with it. There was no other way out besides dying of shame in the bed.</p>
<p>Beth very slowly sat up. Even that was a struggle and the most that she could manage to do at the moment. She had never been this hungover before. Her hair was a bird's nest of tangles, and she'd slept with her make-up on, resulting in dark streaks all around her eyes. She had to wait a minute for the room to steady itself. He walked over and handed her the bottle of water and aspirin he had been holding, looking very much like he wanted to laugh at her and was only just managing to hold it in. Her jacket from last night was in his other hand, she noticed with confusion.</p>
<p>"<em>Thank </em>you," she said, gratefully. "My head is killing me."</p>
<p>"I can imagine."</p>
<p>"Is that my jacket?" she asked, shooting back the aspirin and then drinking as much water as she could in one go.</p>
<p>"It was in Cole's room. I just ran over and picked it up for you."</p>
<p>That was a lot of information to try to understand in her beleaguered state, but it was clear he had gone out of his way for her. She tilted her head back to rest against the wall, looking him over. He had a day's worth of stubble, and his hair was messy, but he didn't look hungover, at least not as badly as she was. His face showed an apprehensive smile, like he didn't know what to expect from her. She knew her jacket had her keys and her phone in the pockets, so maybe that explained what she was doing here.</p>
<p>"Thank you," she said again, feeling both confused and overwhelmed. "I hope it wasn't any trouble..."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "Not at all."</p>
<p>She was watching him carefully as he casually perched on top of the desk near the foot of the bed. She could tell he was laughing at her disheveled appearance, but it didn't seem like typical "morning after" behavior. He hadn't tried to get in the bed with her, or touch her, and he'd maintained a few feet of distance between the two of them since arriving back to the room. She was almost completely certain that nothing had happened between the two of them. Almost.</p>
<p>"You wouldn't be able to fill in some blanks for me, would you?" she was finally brave enough to ask, and he laughed.</p>
<p>"Sure, what part are you missing?"</p>
<p>"Uhh...well...I don't remember leaving," she said with an apologetic look.</p>
<p>"<em>Oh</em>." His eyebrows had risen, and Beth suddenly worried anew about all that she couldn't remember from the evening. "I saw you as I was leaving the party and offered to walk you home. You forgot your jacket. You weren't...in the best state," he said delicately but with dimples appearing in a smile that couldn't be suppressed. "You were locked out of your dorm, so we came here." He broke eye contact with her. "Nothing happened," he said quickly, talking to his sneakers, and then he pointed to the futon. "I slept down there, and—"</p>
<p>Beth felt an enormous wave of guilt. "Will, you should have made me sleep on the futon." She was sure he was too tall for it.</p>
<p>He smiled. "Wasn't really up for a discussion last night."</p>
<p>"Meaning I passed out on the bed?"</p>
<p>He nodded, and she closed her eyes briefly. "I see." The less she knew, the better. He'd done too much for her, she could tell, and she felt embarrassed about not being able to manage herself. Definitely time to get out of his bed. Dreading the thought of moving, Beth made herself do it anyway, oh so slowly inching until her feet were resting on the ground, although it was another minute before she could stand up.</p>
<p>"Are you hungry?" he asked, his expression suddenly shy.</p>
<p>"I am very close to throwing up right now," she whispered with a tremulous frown, inching forward away from the bed, and he nodded, giving her a look of sympathy.</p>
<p>"Best not then."</p>
<p>She noticed her dress was hanging on the back of his chair and wondered how she had gotten into his clothes. Better to not ask, she decided, wondering how unflattering the answer would be. She looked at the dress in her hands. She didn't want to change back into it; it was covered in streaks of what looked like dirt and crumbs.</p>
<p>"You can wear my stuff back, if you want. I don't mind." Will offered, seeming to read her mind. "Your dress is...probably pretty dirty," he finished. At her horrified look he elaborated. "You just took a long rest in the stairwell, that's all."</p>
<p>"That's all. Yikes."</p>
<p>She looked up at him, feeling both deeply embarrassed and suddenly grateful. She couldn't believe he was being so nice and that he'd gone out of his way to be kind to her the evening before and this morning, too. Here they were, the morning after another late night, but he wasn't cold or distant at all. Such a striking change from the summer. She squared her shoulders, dreading the thought of the walk she would take in the near future. She was not fit to be seen in public. "I should probably go," she said reluctantly. "It's going to take me a while to crawl back to my dorm. That's about all I can manage. Do you know where my shoes are?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," he looked around. "They should be…over there." He reached over and handed them to her. "I could walk you, if you want." The offer was nonchalant. She wondered if he knew how much she had been dreading the looming 'walk of shame' across campus. She hoped it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have to do it alone.</p>
<p>"If you don't mind the snail's pace or that I might throw up in the bushes, that would be great," she said with relief, her smile wide.</p>
<p>As they stepped out, she was dismayed to see so many people walking. She couldn't decide if it would have been better or worse to wear her dress. The ill-fitting ensemble she was currently wearing attracted the unwanted attention of a lot of people. But, then again, maybe it was <em>whom</em> she was walking with.</p>
<p>"I talked to Cole this morning when I picked up your jacket. He was worried about you. He felt bad about losing you at the party. When he asked, people told him that you left with 'some guy'."</p>
<p>Beth grimaced. Poor Cole. She hadn't been in any state to explain where she'd gone or even contact him and her phone was dead.</p>
<p>The cool morning air of their walk was doing her some good; she no longer felt quite so ill. This left her more mental space to wonder about her companion. He looked tired, she noticed, but otherwise content with the bright fall morning and their slow, steady pace to her dorm. She didn't know what to make of him and their quiet conversation. Where had this thoughtful, caring version of Will come from? He was all of the good things from the summer, with none of the bad.</p>
<p>She pointed up to her dorm as they approached it. "This is it." They stood awkwardly before the doors, but Will was the one who broke the silence.</p>
<p>"I'll see you later," he said, and his smile was light and easy.</p>
<p>"Yeah…I'll see you." Without giving it much thought, Beth impulsively stood on her tiptoes to lightly kiss his cheek.</p>
<p>"What was that for?" he asked, happily puzzled. That confirmed it; she was <em>definitely</em> still drunk.</p>
<p>"I know I said it earlier, but I wanted to thank you for everything. You did so much: the clothes; letting me stay in your room." She looked down, a rosy flush blooming across her cheeks. "Not taking advantage of me…because you could have and I know plenty of guys would have. So…thank you." She finished in a flustered rush. "I really, <em>really </em>appreciate it." She tried to put the full force of her feeling behind it. Will looked pleased, and he was cute enough that she didn't know what she would do if she kept standing near him in her loopy state. "I'll get these back to you sometime," she said, indicating the clothing, and she quickly turned and entered the building.</p>
<p>She failed to notice the small group of girls standing by the entrance. As soon as Beth was out of earshot, they began to whisper.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth threw her things in a pile on the floor, grabbed a towel and her shower kit, and then padded off down the hall to the showers. Her mind wandered freely as she tried to condition the tangles out of her hair. She couldn't believe she had spent the night at Will's; even in the shower, she was blushing. It had been an evening of poor decision making, and she was lucky that it had all turned out okay. She didn't know what she felt about him now. Their first meeting on campus had been uncomfortable, but she was grateful that he'd even acknowledged her presence. After this most recent encounter however, all she could feel was gratitude. She didn't want to imagine what would have happened had she gone home with another guy.</p>
<p>Beth just had to decide what she felt about him now. Were they friends? More than friends? That might not even be possible, considering how resoundingly she had rejected him. He'd agreed to be friends, but it wasn't like he had sought her out or showed any renewed romantic interest in her. Had last night happened with Cole instead of Will, she knew he would have taken care of her too; maybe last night was nothing more than Will being a good friend, the evening was just an example of the kind of behavior that made Charles or Rich speak so fondly of him, and she was foolish to think otherwise. Rinsing off the last of the soap, she shut off the shower and toweled her hair. All she really wanted to do was go back to her room and sleep.</p>
<p>Marianne was on her computer but wheeled around when she heard Beth come in.</p>
<p>"Hello <em>Elizabeth. </em>And where have <em>you</em> been?"</p>
<p>"I—"</p>
<p>"Wait, I know," Marianne continued innocently, interrupting Beth. "The whole floor is talking about how you spent last night and this morning banging Will Darcy—"</p>
<p>"<strong><em>What?" </em></strong>She was too dumbfounded to speak. "Oh <em>god</em>…"</p>
<p>"I know. You must be <em>so </em>tired."</p>
<p>"Marianne!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," she said, giggling. "People have been sticking their noses in here all morning and DM-ing me nonstop. It's quite the scandal. Untrue?"</p>
<p>"Of course. What are they saying?" Beth asked wearily, climbing the ladder to her loft and lying face down on her bed with a muffled umph.</p>
<p>"Tabby told me all about it this morning on my way to breakfast." Marianne started happily, thoroughly enjoying the whole thing. "Apparently, you were seen walking back to his dorm all <em>over</em> each other."</p>
<p>"I was drunk! It wasn't—"</p>
<p>"I know, honey," Marianne soothed. "Once you reached the dorm, one can assume a night of steamy sex ensued. He was then seen early this morning buying "supplies". She didn't say exactly what kind, but you get the picture."</p>
<p>"I think he got aspirin…"</p>
<p>"<em>Anyway,</em> you both appeared about an hour later looking extremely <em>disheveled</em>. You were wearing his clothing, which I see over there in the hamper. Interesting. A passionate goodbye kiss at the door, and here we are now."</p>
<p>"I think I'm going to throw up."</p>
<p>"Out of curiosity, what did happen?"</p>
<p>"I was <em>drunk</em>, and I couldn't get back in here. We went to his dorm. I slept in the bed, and he slept on the futon. He walked me back here. The end," she said, tiredly.</p>
<p>"No kiss?"</p>
<p>"I kissed his cheek to thank him for being so nice, but it was a very friend-ish kiss. Compared to our <em>other</em> one, it was nothing." Cringing, she realized what she had said. She was too hung-over to talk to anyone; all of her secrets would be found out. She had to stay here in her room until everyone forgot she existed. She had forgotten that Marianne knew very little about her past with Will. Marianne's mouth had dropped open, Beth saw when she sneaked a look at her.</p>
<p>"I heard that, and <em>you </em>have to tell me <em>everything</em> about Will because apparently you have a longer history than you let on."</p>
<p>Beth groaned into the pillow, still unable to believe she had said it out loud. "I'm never going to live this down. I hope he isn't getting the same thing over at his dorm."</p>
<p>Marianne shook her head. "Nah, it's contained to this building…for the moment. Rumors fly though…" she warned, and Beth gave a huge sigh. "Okay. Since you are hung-over, and I am the best roommate in the whole world, I'll go do damage control while you recover."</p>
<p>"You're amazing," Beth said with feeling.</p>
<p>"I know. And I know just what to ask for in return," she said with a mischievous smile.</p>
<p>"Alright fine, I'll tell you <em>all</em> about it…after I nap."</p>
<p>Of course, after Marianne left, Beth found it almost impossible to sleep. She couldn't believe the petty gossip of the girls on her floor. If the rumor got to Will, she didn't know what she'd do. He might think she had made the whole thing up herself, and it would ruin whatever tentative relationship they had. She couldn't call it friendship exactly, although taking care of her had been extremely friendly and very nice. She found it just as hard now to define their relationship as she had in the shower. She'd never had a friendship that was so packed with tension. She'd certainly never given anyone else a kiss on the cheek before. She rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow again at the thought. She was never drinking that punch again!</p>
<hr/>
<p>"They aren't interested in the truth because it's <em>boring," </em>Marianne said, selecting a piece of popcorn carefully from the bag as they sat on their futon, a reality TV show muted in the background. "People like <em>drama</em>," she added, pointing to the TV. "Sleeping on the bed with him on the futon is boring. But a hot and steamy romance with Will is very, <em>very</em> juicy. Plus, they're jealous. If any one of them had been in that situation, they would have jumped all over him."</p>
<p>Beth smiled. "I think I passed out before I got the chance." Now that it was 8 pm, she was starting to feel like herself again.</p>
<p>Marianne placed her chin in both hands, looking at Beth with wide eyes. "Is it time to tell me about <em>the other kiss</em> yet?"</p>
<p>Beth smiled shyly. "I'll tell you about my past with Will, if <em>you</em> tell me what happened last night with John Willoughby."</p>
<p>"Oh, that's easy. We went back to his place, and <em>he</em> didn't sleep on the futon." Marianne waved it off. "I already told you, we're soulmates."</p>
<p>"Wow," Beth said, dimly impressed. "You were right that first day. Who knew you'd meet your boyfriend within the first three hours of classes?"</p>
<p>But at that Marianne made a strange expression. "I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with <em>labels.</em> Why does everything have to have a definition to be real?" She grabbed another handful of popcorn, rummaging through the bag.</p>
<p>Beth paused, trying to read Marianne's expression. "So...he's not your boyfriend?"</p>
<p>"I hate that word. It sounds so childish. We have a...<em>connection</em>. It's obvious to him and it's obvious to me. Putting a label on something like that just ruins it."</p>
<p>Beth considered this idea, feeling old fashioned. She knew if she were sleeping with someone, she'd want the confirmation that it wasn't just a casual fling. But Marianne was a free spirit, and Beth tried her best not to be disapproving of it. If Marianne didn't mind, then why should Beth.</p>
<p>"Now please," Marianne whined. "I want to hear about your past with Will that <em>you hid from me</em>. Bad roommate."</p>
<p>Beth rolled her eyes and gave Marianne the full story, including all the details of their first kiss in D.C. She hadn't thought about that night in some time, and doing so brought back all sorts of emotions. With her hangover, everything she was feeling was right there at the surface.</p>
<p>Marianne lightly clapped her hands and smiled at the end. "I <em>love </em>it. <em>Oh</em>, I can't <em>wait</em> to see how this turns out. You're seeing him again, right?"</p>
<p>Beth furrowed her brow. They hadn't made any plans. She'd been so sick and overwhelmed with embarrassment. "I don't know," she said truthfully.</p>
<p>But Marianne scoffed. "With true love, it's only a matter of time," she said with a dreamy smile. "Just look at me and John."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth felt tired as she loaded her plate with food. She still hadn't fully recovered from the party, even though it had been a full day. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore an oversized sweater over tights. After feeling nauseous for the entirety of the day before, she finally felt like eating again. Her plate was full, but she was looking at what was left of the desserts after the lunch crowd had moved through the dining hall. She was there at an off time. Did she want a cookie? Her brain was still foggy, and she stood for several long moments, contemplating the food without seeing it.</p>
<p>The feeling of someone standing next to her made her snap out of her daze. There was Will, smiling at having caught her spacing in front of the cookies. She felt the blood rise in her cheeks at the sight of him, thinking of everything that had happened that weekend. She hoped he hadn't heard anything about the rumor.</p>
<p>"Er—hi," she said ungracefully, and she dropped the silverware that she'd been holding. She had to scramble to keep it from falling off the tray, and his smile got a little wider.</p>
<p>"I can't ever decide either," he said, and his long arm reached in front of her and grabbed one of each kind of cookie. He took a bite but then made a face. "These are stale."</p>
<p>"That makes it easy," Beth said, abandoning the desserts and following Will's lead as he turned toward the rows of tables and chairs.</p>
<p>"Here by yourself? Me too," he replied when she nodded, and he motioned her toward an empty table. Feeling nervous, she took a seat across from him, hoping that eating with him would not be as awkward as she feared. This was what friends did, right? She realized belatedly that eating together would be a confirmation of the rumor if anyone from her dorm saw, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.</p>
<p>"How are you feeling?" he asked, scrutinizing her tired face.</p>
<p>Beth shut her eyes briefly. "Remind me to never drink that punch again."</p>
<p>He looked thoughtful as he chewed. "Everyone I know has said that same sentence at least once. Maybe we should put up a warning sign at the parties."</p>
<p>"One that says 'Lethal'." Beth laughed at herself. "I don't really have an excuse. Cole warned me before we started drinking; he said it tasted like regret. I just thought he was kidding."</p>
<p>Will nodded. "He would know. But don't feel bad; I've seen him in much worse shape than you...much worse," Will added after a pause. "He got us thrown out of Steak N Shake last year." Beth burst out laughing, and Will continued. "Though if you ask him about it, he'll say it's all my fault."</p>
<p>She suddenly felt grateful to Will. She'd been so worried over the past day about her behavior and what he must be thinking of her, but Will was nothing but nice. The more he talked, the more she relaxed. Part of her wondered at him making small talk with her. He'd led their conversation from the start. Was he different because of what she'd said to him that night at Carla's? She knew <em>she</em> had taken his words to heart and had been consciously trying to be less judgmental. She watched him eat just across the table and had to smother the bright smile that kept popping out across her face. Their interaction wasn't horrible, or awkward, or strained for once; it was…nice. He was different than he'd been during the summer, but then again, he was the same, too. Even during their short lunch she had no trouble riling him up. Were they friends, she wondered? She thought they just might be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Ready, eager, and determined</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As the rest of the semester progresses, Beth has more interactions with Will</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Beth walked toward the student center and her mailbox, anticipating a package from home. With the intense workload, Beth was barely managing to keep all of her studies together, and she was happy for the start of fall break and the chance to sleep through the long weekend. Approaching the building, she noticed Will standing in front of the main entrance with a leggy brunette. She had curly brown hair and was wearing a pair of skinny jeans with boots that accentuated the long line of her legs. Her expensive cashmere coat made Beth immediately envious. Beth had never seen the girl before and had definitely never seen the two of them together. But they were comfortable with each other; they laughed and joked at the entrance. Will was grinning a wide smile, and he casually draped his arm over her shoulders as they stood.</p>
<p>Beth's eyes slowly narrowed, and she tried to interpret the negative emotion she was suddenly feeling. Was it <em>jealousy</em>? Well, it was cosmically unfair that anyone should have legs that long or such a pretty coat. Her mood had turned sour. Here she was in yoga pants and an old sweatshirt, and she couldn't remember if she'd worn deodorant. Her self-esteem took a sudden dip.</p>
<p>She decided to use the side entrance to the student center, changing course before Will could see her. Inside, she did find a package waiting for her, and she tore through the tape with more verve than strictly necessary. She knew Jane had sent chocolate brownies, and Beth needed the pick-me-up. Obviously, Will only liked girls who looked like models. She remembered what he had said that night at Carla's, about how different she was from everyone he had dated in the past. Well, here was the evidence of that. The brownies were good, but they didn't improve her mood. The Amazonian brunette outside with Will could probably eat five brownies a day and not gain a bit of weight.</p>
<p>She cringed inwardly when Will walked inside and noticed her with a friendly wave. At least that girl wasn't with him anymore. Beth didn't think a direct comparison would show her in a flattering light. She greeted him coolly as he walked over to her, holding onto her package like armor. Strange how the sight of him with someone else had upset her, even though they were just friends...</p>
<p>"Funny running into you. My cousin, Rich, is visiting for the break. He mentioned wanting to see you if we could."</p>
<p>"Oh!" Beth exclaimed, forgetting all about keeping a chilly demeanor. She'd learned more about Rich as the weeks had passed and he and Carla kept seeing each other. She knew through her conversations with Carla that he was making her friend very happy, and she was excited at the thought of seeing him in person again.</p>
<p>Will continued nervously. "We were planning to drive off campus today to go hiking with my sister. Do you want to join us?"</p>
<p>After a moment of total surprise, Beth readily agreed, a blush creeping into her cheeks at being included. She'd seen Will every now and then around campus since the night of the party, but this was the first time he'd invited her to something. With a shy smile, Will gave her the details on where to meet before he walked out the main entrance again.</p>
<p>She watched him walk away, still trying to process what had happened. A friendly family hike with the infamous Anna Darcy. She wondered, not for the first time, what Will's sister would be like. She wondered too, if the roles had been reversed and Jane and Lydia were visiting, if she would have invited him along with them. The answer was <em>no</em>, but then again Lydia was Lydia, and Beth didn't trust her around anyone, let alone <em>Will</em>. Rich, on the other hand, had always been open and friendly, and he was now dating her friend. With Beth's close connection to Carla, it wasn't unreasonable to ask her to join them, she decided.</p>
<p>In her dorm, she changed into a pair of leggings and her hiking shoes, layering up top with short sleeves and long sleeves and a fleece for good measure, not being able to predict how cold it would be on the hike. She felt nervous walking up to the parking lot, as though she were on her way to an interview. She tried to remind herself how friendly and open Rich was, but she had no idea what to expect about Will's sister. Rich waved and called hello as she drew closer and greeted her with a big friendly hug. She remembered that he'd given her a hug in D.C., too. Will cleared his throat, politely interrupting to introduce his sister.</p>
<p>The tall brunette she had seen with Will earlier moved forward to shake her hand<em>. </em>Anna had changed out of her cashmere coat and into leggings, and she shared Will's long, athletic physique. Beth's jealousy immediately evaporated, and she was feeling immensely foolish for assuming they were anything other than brother and sister. Her light green eyes met Beth's as they greeted each other, and when she smiled, a shy dimple appeared. Face to face, she could see the obvious resemblance. Twins, indeed. It was strange to see his face on a woman, though Anna's features were more delicate.</p>
<p>"Is everybody ready?" Rich asked, swinging his keys. He was driving the car they'd rented from the airport. Anna sat in the back with Beth.</p>
<p>"I've heard a lot about you," Anna said shyly, as they pulled out of the parking lot and began the drive to New Hampshire. The state line wasn't far, and they had a favorite trail there that was a family tradition to hike.</p>
<p>Beth looked at Anna with surprise, and then looked at the back of Will's head in the seat in front of her. She couldn't imagine what he had told his sister. "I hope it wasn't all bad."</p>
<p>Anna smiled. "Not at all. In <em>fact</em>—"</p>
<p>"Have you ever been to New Hampshire?" Will asked, turning around in the seat, interrupting over Anna. She never finished the sentence. Beth had the sneaking suspicion that Will had turned around to keep her from going on, and Beth had to smother her urge to smile.</p>
<p>"No, I haven't even left Pemberley much, I'm ashamed to say." It was hard enough with all her classwork to find time for everyday necessities, let alone leisure activities.</p>
<p>"I was like that too my first year. And I felt even worse about it because I'm in New York city," Anna replied. "But it gets easier the longer you're at school. And I have these two guys to go exploring with when they come to visit."</p>
<p>"My sister helped me move in at the start of the semester, but she hasn't been able to visit yet. We're hoping maybe spring break next semester."</p>
<p>After a quiet start, Beth found it easy to talk to Anna. Anna was shy and soft spoken, but in the backseat she didn't have to speak very loudly, and she was obviously making an effort to get to know Beth. They talked almost the whole ride with an easy conversation. Rich parked in a dirt parking lot at the bottom of the trail head. The area was deeply wooded, and she could see sloping hills in the distance.</p>
<p>"The hike isn't too intense, but the view at the end is spectacular," Anna said as they all started up the trail. They were all long-limbed, Beth realized, as the pace was faster than she would have gone on her own. Manageable if she hustled. Rich was kind enough to keep pace with her.</p>
<p>"How's D.C.?" she asked Rich after a few minutes of silence passed. Seeing him had her feeling a little homesick. But New England was so beautiful in the fall that she was happy to be here too. She'd never seen foliage like this. The leaves usually just turned brown and then died, but here they were electric red and orange. The trail was rocky and she had to watch out for tree roots, but it was so beautiful that she found it hard to keep her eyes on the trail. They'd found a perfect fall day with nothing but a clear blue sky above. The air was chilly in the shade of the trees, but Beth was warm enough in her layers and with the exertion of the hike.</p>
<p>"My favorite city," he replied. Beth was pleased to hear that his answers involved stories of Carla, and that things were going well between them. Anna and Will had paused for a water break, and Beth took the moment to ask Anna about her music and her smile was bashful as she responded.</p>
<p>"Don't be modest," Will said proudly, breaking in for the first time to list several of her solo roles in the performances.</p>
<p>Anna blushed. "You just <em>have</em> to tell everybody about it, don't you?"</p>
<p>"What else are big brothers for?"</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and hit him lightly on the arm. "Two minutes, Will. You beat me out by two minutes," and they happily began to bicker over the issue, obviously a long-standing one.</p>
<p>Beth studied Will as he hiked just in front of her. His cheeks were rosy, and the sun was shining brightly on them all as they entered a less-wooded area of the trail. She had never seen Will so open before. Maybe it was the funny stories Rich told, or the beautiful day, or the presence of his sister. Maybe it was the scenery and the exercise. Beth couldn't look away from him as he tossed his head in amusement, his mouth happy and loose as he laughed. Beth liked him this way. She wished he would always be so carefree. She suddenly wondered if he usually was and if he only acted differently around<em> her.</em></p>
<p>The problem was the tension, always there like a wall between them. She was attracted to him, and that made a carefree friendship difficult, she thought, remembering her reaction to seeing him with Anna outside the student center. Hiking the trail, he had on a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and little wisps of hair poked out from under the sides of his baseball cap. But she found him just as handsome as when she'd seen him in D.C. in his suit. She wondered if he was still attracted to <em>her</em> and then shook the thought away. She had already turned him down once.</p>
<p>Beth forced herself to focus on the conversation; it was hardly the time or place to be checking out Will. They'd hit a rough patch of the trail near the summit, and she had to scrabble across the face of a big sheet of rock using both her hands and feet. Then suddenly they were at the top, and she could see for miles.</p>
<p>"Wow," she said breathlessly. Reds, oranges, and yellows colored the vast forest around them. In the distance she could see a blue lake, serene on this calm day in the sun. She took it all in, and the four of them were quiet for a few minutes, awed by the sights. "This is amazing," she said, squinting up at Will in the sun, and he smiled down at her.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you like it," was his quiet reply, and they shared a smile until Rich interrupted.</p>
<p>"Who wants snacks?"</p>
<p>The four of them split some mixed nuts, and Beth thought nothing had ever tasted so good. The sun was rapidly setting, so they didn't linger at the top. Beth took one last long look at the beautiful view, and then they were all sliding on their butts down the sheet of rock back to the trail. Will held out a hand for her at the bottom and she gratefully took it, relieved that she wouldn't face-plant in front of the entire group. The hike down went much faster than the way up, and the sun was just dipping below the horizon as they walked back to the car.</p>
<p>"I am famished. Can we stop by that brewery before we drop you off at Pemberley?" Rich asked. They all piled back into the car, and Beth was sincerely hoping that no one could smell her after all the sweating she had done in the sun. Or at least that they were all sweaty together.</p>
<p>She and Anna shared sips from a water bottle, and Anna paused to look at her thoughtfully. "Are you dating anyone, Beth?"</p>
<p>Was it her, or did it seem like everyone was listening very intently to their conversation. Rich and Will hadn't been talking in the front seat, so she knew they had heard the question. <em>Don't look at Will</em>, she thought sternly to herself, making a supreme effort to appear neutral.</p>
<p>"Not right now, no. I've just been trying to adjust to my classes. I don't really have a good work/life balance," she admitted, her tone light.</p>
<p>Anna smiled, both dimples on display, and she did look over at Will, although he was staring straight ahead in the front seat, seemingly oblivious. The glance did not go unnoticed by Beth. "I totally understand," Anna said. "I didn't meet my boyfriend until my sophomore year."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Beth asked with interest, pivoting the conversation away from herself, and that conversation carried them until they reached the restaurant. Beth was grateful Anna had been the only one who could see her face. She'd tried to play it off, but she was certain she'd blushed. Hopefully Anna would think it was just her being shy in general, and not because Will had been in the vicinity. She suddenly wondered if Anna was scheming, or if it had been a completely innocent question. Without knowing her all that well, it was hard for Beth to tell.</p>
<p>The brewery was a nondescript white building, busy with the dinner crowd. They chose a high top table in the bar seating, and Beth found herself drooling over the food that came out from the kitchen. Everyone was hungry and they ordered what seemed like all the appetizers from the menu. Beth tried the empanadas first, and her eyes almost closed involuntarily. She was so hungry, and it was so good. For a while there wasn't much talking as they ate: french fries and beer battered tenders, a spicy, cheesy dip with tortilla chips, crispy brussel sprouts. She listened and ate while the other three reminisced about childhood. Will and Rich had not liked each other very much as children when they were first introduced and had feuded with each other during summers.</p>
<p>"I let him borrow my game-boy, and from then on we were friends," Rich finished.</p>
<p>"Wait," Beth said, disbelieving what she had heard. "Your instinctive childhood hatred of each other was cured by a <em>video game</em>?"</p>
<p>"Well…yeah." Rich finally said. "Though I got too old for it, eventually."</p>
<p>Will smirked. "You just didn't want me to beat you anymore," he taunted. "I still don't think you've ever won a game against me."</p>
<p>"Lies!"</p>
<p>"Ask Anna; she's never won a game either," he said proudly, leaning back in his chair.</p>
<p>She held up her hands in defeat. "He's right, but I'm horrible at it, so I don't think I really count."</p>
<p>The playful argument continued between Rich and Will. They were both getting more and more animated. Beth smiled, and she couldn't help thinking how silly boys were. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Anna smirking and realized they were having similar thoughts. Beth caught her eye and they began laughing.</p>
<p>Beth was surprised by how much time had passed when they arrived back to campus. She'd enjoyed every minute of the trip with Will and his family. They dropped her off in front of her dorm, and Beth beamed as she said goodbye. It had been a picture-perfect afternoon and evening.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth observed Lydia from across the table as they finished Thanksgiving dinner as a family. She looked sullen, pushing leftover bits of food around her plate. That wasn't anything new, but while Lydia had never been overweight, she had never been particularly skinny either. Her weight loss now was noticeable. Her jaw was more defined, her wrists were slender. She looked tiny. Up close, she looked feverish. But there wasn't time to ask her anything because almost as soon as dinner was done, Lydia was off to meet friends. Who and where, no one knew.</p>
<p>Beth joined Jane at the sink to help with the dishes. Their mother had cooked the meal, so her children graciously cleaned up while she opened herself a new bottle of wine. Beth reached over to tuck a strand of pale blonde hair behind Jane's ear, as elbow deep in soap suds, she'd been unsuccessful at pushing it back with her upper arm, and Jane smiled gratefully. But Beth noticed the worried expression that didn't leave Jane's eyes.</p>
<p>"It's Lydia," she said quietly. "I think...I don't know. Something's not right."</p>
<p>"Has anyone talked to her?"</p>
<p>Jane shook her head, chewing on her lip. "She's just so withdrawn. She's never outside of her room, or she's out god knows where. Mom said she'd broken her curfew a lot these past weeks. And she's so skinny," Jane added, and Beth nodded.</p>
<p>"Maybe she's going through something with her friends at school?" Beth suggested. Neither she nor Jane had loved their time in high school, and Lydia had always cycled rapidly through friends. It was the only idea Beth had. She'd been so busy at Pemberley; she honestly had no idea what was happening in Lydia's life. They had never been close. As the weeks flew by, she'd been slammed with exams and 10 page papers. She and Marianne spent half of their nights just trying to get ready for this class or the other. Lydia had not been at the top of her mind. "Should we talk to her?"</p>
<p>Jane sighed. "I don't know. Maybe you're right that she's just stressed with school. I think if she loses any more weight, we should definitely have a conversation with her."</p>
<p>Although she agreed, Beth did not feel enthusiastic about that. It seemed like a responsibility that their mother should have taken on. But she had always babied Lydia as the youngest, had always given her what she wanted and bent all the rules. She wondered now if that indulging approach had hurt Lydia in the long run.</p>
<p>Jane asked cheerfully if there was anything new with Pemberley, and Beth didn't know where to start. She hadn't found a way to tell Jane about Will; there was so much she needed to share. But she'd been too embarrassed to admit she'd been so drunk that he had to take care of her and that was how their tentative friendship had formed. They'd gone hiking just a few weeks before, but it hadn't been <em>romantic. </em>On campus, they saw each other frequently, but randomly; it wasn't purposeful. After all she'd said about him during the summer, she couldn't seem to admit to Jane that her feelings had changed for the better. Plus they were just friends, and <em>that</em> was nothing she needed to excite her sister about. Instead, Beth switched the topic to Charles and watched her sister glow with happiness.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth swiped herself into the student gym, back from Thanksgiving break and ready to elliptical machine away the three pounds of pie she had eaten. She entered the cardio room and noticed she wasn't the only person who'd had this idea. The gym was busy and all the of elliptical machines and bikes were in use. But there was an open treadmill, and Will Darcy was running on another one in the corner of the room. She found herself smiling at the sight of him. He'd been there for some time, judging by the sweat on the back of his t shirt. He ran like a deer. As she walked over, he hopped and placed his feet on the sides of the machine taking a break while the tread still rolled underneath him.</p>
<p>She didn't want to startle him so she placed her hand briefly on his forearm. He looked down in surprise and then turned off the machine and stepped down, only slightly winded. She noticed he looked tired and not just from running.</p>
<p>"You doing okay?" she asked, and he snorted.</p>
<p>"Easy read, huh? I'm okay. I got an offer for an internship with a company in New York."</p>
<p>"Wow, that's so great!"</p>
<p>He didn't look very excited. "If I take it, I'll be gone for all of winter term," he said quietly and looked at Beth to gauge her reaction. "I've been trying to figure out what to do," he said, pointing to the treadmill.</p>
<p>She furrowed her brow. He was going to be gone for January <em>and</em> the start of February. That was so much time. The J-term was the best semester, everyone told her. People only took 1 or 2 credits, and she'd heard from every upperclassman she knew that it was the time when everyone had fun on campus. She'd been looking forward to having even the hint of a real life and free time again, and apparently, she'd been looking forward to seeing more of Will, too. She hadn't realized until now when she felt so disappointed. "O<em>h</em>. Well…what did you decide?"</p>
<p>He looked down at his hands. "I have to take the internship. No one wants to hire someone right out of college with no experience," he said, looking at her with a wry smile. "It was really competitive."</p>
<p>Though they were only a few feet apart, Beth suddenly felt like there were miles and miles of distance already between them. She offered more congratulations, but her heart wasn't in it, and Will only nodded in response.</p>
<p>"Are you using this one?" a girl asked Will about the treadmill, and he shook his head. "No, I'm done, but let me clean it up for you."</p>
<p>Beth stepped to the side, feeling like some kind of line had been drawn. Will met her eyes briefly and gave Beth a small smile, tossing his paper towel into the garbage. "Are you leaving?"</p>
<p>"Just getting started."</p>
<p>"Enjoy your workout." Beth watched him go, not knowing what to think. On the machine, she tried to digest the new information. She had two more weeks and then he was gone for the whole winter term. Somehow it seemed like the worst news she'd ever heard.</p>
<hr/>
<p>This was impossible, she thought, pushing her hair back from her face in exasperation. Her professors were insane, and they were just trying to haze all of the new students. There was no way they expected her to be able to take so many exams and write so many papers and still function. She was in the middle of the horrible, grueling, sadistic, and stressful period of time known as 'finals week'.</p>
<p>She gave up studying when Will entered the library; he was too much of a distraction. She hadn't seen him since he'd broken the news to her, but she had heard other people talking about him leaving campus. She saw him notice her, and he walked over to her table.</p>
<p>"What's this I hear about your going away party?"</p>
<p>He stood by her chair and she had to crane her neck to see him. "My fraternity is throwing the party. Same house as the other one."</p>
<p>Beth laughed. "Ah, memories…Well, no, I actually <em>don't</em> remember a lot of it."</p>
<p>He laughed, and then they were silent for a moment. Will gave her a look she couldn't interpret. "It starts at 9:30…" he took a deep breath. "Would you like to come with me? Anna is coming too. Her semester just finished, so she's visiting. And Cole will be playing music with a band..."</p>
<p>Beth had to fight the huge grin that threatened to break across her face. "I'd love to."</p>
<p>He smiled brightly at her response. "I'll pick you up in your lobby, is that okay?"</p>
<p>She nodded, and he continued quickly, looking at his watch. "Great. I have a meeting, so I have to go." He started to walk away, but then turned back. "Oh, and it's a formal party so…"</p>
<p>"Dress up?" she asked.</p>
<p>He nodded, and with a slight wave walked quickly off. She watched his retreating back, and then looked back down at her textbook, suddenly feeling like skipping.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Dress pants or a skirt?" she asked, holding each up for Marianne, as her roommate lay on her bed glancing through a magazine.</p>
<p>"What's the occasion?"</p>
<p>Beth looked down, shyly playing with the pant button. "I'm going to the going away party with Will and his sister."</p>
<p>Marianne put down the magazine and smiled mischievously. "Ah-<em>ha</em>! This explains the way you've been acting all day."</p>
<p>Beth turned, looked in the mirror, and held up her perspective outfits. "I don't know what you're talking about."</p>
<p>"You've been positively giddy all day." She sighed. "And you can't wear either of <em>those</em>. Where's the <em>romance</em>?" she said in disapproval, jumping down from her bed to look through her own closet.</p>
<p>"No, no, definitely not, no—aha!" she exclaimed, pulling out a forest green wrap dress made of a flowy, filmy material with graceful petal sleeves. "Wear this," she said with authority.</p>
<p>Beth hung up the pants and took the dress. As with all of Marianne's dresses, what was loose and flowing on her was much more fitted on Beth, but the skirt was cut in an a-line and draped nicely around Beth's knees.</p>
<p>Marianne clasped her hands under her chin and sighed happily as Beth looked at her reflection in the mirror. The hem twirled and flowed as she moved.</p>
<p>"Now <em>that</em> is a classic look and totally worthy of such an important evening. You've got to wear your hair up like this, with darling little wisps curling down in the front," she demonstrated. "And your eyes…well, do you just want me to do your make-up?"</p>
<p>Beth nodded, feeling her own skills suddenly weren't up to the pressure. But when Beth eyed herself in the mirror later, she suddenly felt self-conscious. "Marianne, I don't know about this."</p>
<p>"Oh, shut up. Don't smudge your lips. I'm putting the lipstick in your purse just in case it does somehow, in some magical way, manage to get smudged off…or <em>licked</em>…"</p>
<p>"Marianne!"</p>
<p>Marianne laughed. "If I were Will, tonight would be the night. That's all I know," she finished in a sing-song voice.</p>
<p>Was Marianne right? Was that why she'd been running around with butterflies in her stomach ever since he'd asked her? Beth turned back to look in the mirror again. Her brown eyes had been accentuated with mascara and plum colored shadows. It looked good, but it was more than she wore on an everyday basis.</p>
<p>"Marianne, I don't know…" she said again.</p>
<p>Marianne sighed and took her shoulders. "Beth, you look <em>amazing. </em>The dress is perfect, and it's too late to change anything anyway; it's 9:25."</p>
<p>Beth whipped her head around to look at the clock. "Shit! I'm going to be late, and you <em>know</em> he's going to be right on time."</p>
<p>"Here's your coat; don't forget your purse!" Marianne called helpfully a few minutes later as Beth rushed out the door and down three flights of stairs to the lobby. She could see Will walking around, hands in pockets, looking at the pictures on the wall. He had on the same suit he'd worn at the gallery, she noticed immediately, the one that accentuated the long lines of his body and his shoulders.</p>
<p>He turned to look and Beth saw him blink as she tried to walk down the stairs and put on her coat at the same time.</p>
<p>"I'm <em>so</em> sorry I'm late."</p>
<p>"Wow…you look…" he swallowed. "You look really nice," he finished quietly.</p>
<p>Beth, already flushed from her run down the stairs, blushed more under his gaze and couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. Her eyes settled somewhere around the hollow of his throat.</p>
<p>"So do you." She tried to say it lightly, but she felt her heart beating rapidly. It was more than nice—he looked great, just like he had at the gallery so many months earlier.</p>
<p>She finally felt brave enough to meet his gaze, and Will offered her out to the door with a smile. "Let's go."</p>
<p>Anna and Cole were waiting just outside, and Cole was hastily tying his tie. There was a noticeable difference in the clothing of the two men. Cole's pants were baggy and a little wrinkled and his tie had turned out lopsided so that it hung quite low and the tail was much too short. He was obviously unused to wearing formal attire, but Beth smiled at him with affection. In his wire rimmed glasses, he reminded her of a helpful librarian. Patient, kind, and a little absent minded. She greeted Anna with a brief hug, feeling genuinely happy to see her again.</p>
<p>Each time they met, Anna made a special effort to be nice to Beth, and she was warmed by it. Beth felt a secret sense of shame and that she'd ever believed anything that Jamie Wickham had said about Will's sister. Sometimes, Beth wondered about Anna's past and longed to hear the details of what had happened in high school. Looking at her, she never would have guessed that she'd struggled with addiction. She was a picture of elegance and sophistication. Tonight, her hair was swept back in a low knot at the nape of her neck, and she wore a flowing silk top and wool pants in black. The outfit was classy and understated. But it showed she couldn't tell someone's struggles just by looking at them.</p>
<p>Cole smiled with appreciation as Beth stood next to Will. "What a pair!" he called, gesturing at the two of them. "Meanwhile, the potato in a tie," he said, gesturing down at himself.</p>
<p>"Nonsense," she said, giving his arm a playful squeeze. "You're looking very handsome this evening," she said as they walked to the parking lot. It was too cold to walk all the way to the party. She was glad Marianne had thrown her a warm coat; the filmy dress did nothing to stop the wind, and she rubbed her hands together, trying to get them warm.</p>
<p>"If <em>I'm</em> looking handsome, then what's he?" Cole asked, pointing to Will, who looked distinctly uncomfortable with the question. "Better hope none of the fan club sees you, Will."</p>
<p>Beth was glad they had company as she rode next to Will in the front seat. She imagined it would have been a tense ride otherwise. Beth tuned out from the conversation for a minute to just look at the <em>car</em>; the BMW was the nicest car she'd ever been in, with all the extras and a fancy stereo system. Cole was curating the playlist as they drove, and she had to admit she was impressed.</p>
<p>Will caught her shaking her head. "What?" he asked innocently, although the look on his face said he knew what was coming next.</p>
<p>"Into cars much?" she teased.</p>
<p>"I like driving. I'm not ashamed," he said loftily. "And if I'm driving to visit Anna or making the drive to D.C., I want to be comfortable. You don't like it?"</p>
<p>Beth remembered her own drive up to Pemberley over the summer in her junker car. "My seat belts barely work and the stereo sounds like it's playing underwater sometimes. I think jealousy is an understatement."</p>
<p>"Seat belts are a must. If you need to in the future, you can borrow my car," he offered generously. And this was the change from the summer; the difference between their backgrounds was still obvious, but now she knew how kind he was about sharing, whatever the circumstance.</p>
<p>She looked down sadly as he shifted gears. "I don't know how to drive stick".</p>
<p>Cole was incredulous. "Beth, I cannot believe you don't know how to drive a manual. What happens if the world ends and the only available car to save you from the zombies is a stick shift? Tomorrow, I'm going to teach you."</p>
<p>"Before we go home? I think I'd rather wait," she said.</p>
<p>"You'll see; it's easy. It's all about coordination."</p>
<p>Beth rolled her eyes. "G<em>reat</em>."</p>
<p>Anna lightly touched her shoulder from the back seat. "Don't let them make you feel bad. I don't know how to drive one either," she said in a conspiring whisper and Beth turned to smile at her. Anna was so kind, and it did seem like she liked the idea of her brother and Beth together. She'd offered up the front seat to Beth so that they could sit next to each other on the drive. It didn't hurt to have the sister in your court, Beth thought. But she still wasn't sure if Will wanted anything more than friendship from her.</p>
<p>He was the same as he had been in the summer: quiet and often serious, but he smiled easier than she remembered. He was friendly; he always talked to her when they saw each other on campus. He seemed sad to leave Pemberley for the January term, but he didn't ask Beth for anything more than friendship. He'd invited her to the party, but he'd invited Anna as well. It was the same as when they'd gone hiking: a friendly group of people rather than just the two of them. He didn't dislike her, but she wasn't certain if there was anything more than friendship between them. She hadn't been kind when she'd turned him down the first time, and he hadn't exactly minced words in his reply to her. She could only feel embarrassed again about how she had treated him and grateful that he had somehow managed to forgive her.</p>
<p>Was Marianne right about tonight?</p>
<p>In the car, he was quiet; he listened, but she could see on his face that he was having fun, and when he did add something to the conversation it was usually worthwhile; something clever that made her laugh or something nice about his sister. Earlier in the summer, she'd had no idea that Will had felt anything romantic toward her, right up until they were kissing, too busy being frustrated with him and hiding her own feelings from herself. And now when she really wanted to know how he felt, she still couldn't figure him out!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Most unexpected and serious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They arrive at the party, but Beth receives some unwelcome surprises.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Buckle up! This one gets a wee bit angsty, folks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Beth pulled her coat tighter to stay warm as they walked up to the house in the frigid December air. Cole left them to go warm up; the bass player and the drummer were already doing so. The fraternity house had a large room that made up an entire wing of the building. The floors were wood, and the furniture had been pushed up against the sides of the walls, leaving a wide open space for dancing. The band was setting up in one corner. She didn't remember seeing this room the last time, but it seemed like bands often played here. There was punch, she noticed with a grin. She'd have to steer clear of that tonight.</p><p>Beth excused herself to the bathroom before the party got busy. Looking in the mirror, she still wasn't used to seeing herself with eye shadow, and she thought the result was dramatic. She rummaged through her purse for the lipstick and noticed she had missed Jane's call<em>. </em>That must have happened on the drive. Odd that Jane had called, as they had spoken already around lunchtime. Puzzled, she decided to call back later<em>.</em> The party was too loud inside, and it was too cold outside.</p><p>More people had arrived, and she saw John Willoughby with surprise. He was a slender man, wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with a black, v-neck t shirt and a thick band of leather on his wrist. He was handsome, Beth admitted, appreciating what Marianne might see in him. He had a few days' worth of stubble outlining a fine jawline and dark straight hair that was a little too long for Beth's liking.</p><p>That meant Marianne was here too, Beth thought with excitement. Strange that Marianne hadn't said anything about the party, but maybe she hadn't known she was going until the last minute. Beth didn't see her anywhere, and with dismay she realized that he wasn't with Marianne, but <em>another </em>girl. She watched them for a few minutes. Maybe they were friends; maybe it was his <em>sister</em>. John put his arm around the girl and pulled her up for a deep kiss. Definitely not his sister, then. She felt sad and disappointed and then somehow guilty for witnessing it. This wasn't her business, but he was not being discreet. Marianne was unconventional, and she was open to a lot of things, but not <em>this </em>open. Or at least Beth didn't think so.</p><p>Anna caught her attention with a little wave, and Beth made her way over to the siblings; she would just have to worry about it later. Maybe she'd know what to say to Marianne when the time came. Will had just returned, balancing three plastic drink cups in his hands.</p><p>"Club soda," he said, handing Anna one of the cups. Beth's held what looked like white wine. "It's boxed wine, but I didn't think you'd go for the punch," Will said with a knowing look and Beth had to laugh. The drink was cold, at least, and not the worst wine she'd ever had. The three of them clinked their cups together as someone walked up to the microphone to make an announcement.</p><p>"Hey, everybody, we're going to start," the boy said. "I just want to say congratulations to Will. Good luck with your internship, dude. We'll miss you."</p><p>Will smiled shyly and nodded his head in thanks, uncomfortable with the attention from an entire room full of people. After clapping for Will, the band began to play. Beth was amazed when she heard jazzy swing music. Looking around, she saw that many of the people were dressed to fit that part.</p><p>"You didn't tell me this was a swing dancing party."</p><p>"They were offering a swing class at the local YMCA, and there's a swing dance club on campus; people wanted to try out what they learned," Will said.</p><p>"If I had <em>known</em>, I would have worn my saddle shoes." Around the room, people really were swinging. It looked like fun, but Beth had never tried anything of the sort.</p><p>Anna smiled sweetly. "Don't let that stop you. I'll teach you some steps. It's really easy."</p><p>Anna was a good teacher and far more graceful than Beth. Standing off to the side of the room, she taught Beth the basic swing step, how to slide their arms behind their heads and then spin out at the end of it. "How do <em>you</em> know how to do this?" Beth finally managed to get out in between her giggles; Anna was maneuvering her around like a master, and Beth couldn't stop laughing. The dress Marianne had picked was perfect and billowed out every time Anna spun her.</p><p>"I took lessons in high school and got really into it for a while," she said. "Remember, Will?" She glanced over her shoulder at her brother as she and Beth took a break from dancing. "I'd make him practice with me for hours," she said to Beth with a grin.</p><p>"I remember," Will said, sounding as though he still mourned the lost time.</p><p>"What else are brothers for except to torture them," she whispered to Beth, her tone conspiring. "Now, you should get out on the floor." She nodded at the crowd of people. "All you need is a good partner," Anna said, turning her head to look pointedly at Will. "They take care of everything and all you have to do is hold on. As long as you've got someone who knows how to lead, you're all set."</p><p>Beth was drinking from her cup and missed the nonverbal message to cease and desist that Will was telegraphing to Anna, but Anna gave him an innocent smile. Then a sophomore Beth knew by sight but not by name walked up to them.</p><p>"I saw the two of you dancing," he said. "Either one of you looking for a partner?" He smiled confidently and held his hand out equidistant between Beth and Anna.</p><p>"I am," Anna responded immediately, placing her hand in his. "Here, Will, you dance with Beth."</p><p>It was so neatly done, almost like Anna had planned it. They stood awkwardly for a second, but then Will held out his hand to her. She felt very shy. Dancing with Anna was one thing, but trying to dance with Will was another entirely.</p><p>But his hand was warm in hers, and it did seem like he'd spent a lot of time practicing with Anna because he was able to make it seem like Beth knew what she was doing. Anna had been right; it was all about the partner. "You're good!" she said, after their first minute of dancing. Beth found herself laughing again as Will had to hunch for her to be able to get her hand up so they could step and slide with their arms behind their heads like Anna had taught her.</p><p>"It's the only dancing I <em>can</em> do, so you're lucky." He pointed out his sister. "Look at Anna." She was by far the best dancer, and her partner was lifting her in the air now and passing her from one of his hips to the other while she held her feet aloft.</p><p>"None of that," Beth warned, imagining her shoe flying off if she went airborne. Will laughed as she said it, twirling her out and then back in, sometimes passing her around behind him to switch hands behind his back.</p><p>"Okay, nothing in the air, but how about a dip?" He hadn't waited for her response but dipped her mid-sentence, and she found herself giggling at the surprise of it. The whole atmosphere of the party was great, and the style of dancing was so much fun. She wished people always danced like this, rather than the grinding that had counted as dancing at her high school. Beth noticed again how green his eyes were as he looked down at her. Right after he'd dipped her, they had switched to a jazzy slow song. Beth wondered if <em>someone</em> in the band had been watching them dance.</p><p>Pulling her up gently, he asked if she wanted to dance, and Beth simply nodded. Was this something more than friends would do? He'd danced with her because Anna had told him to, but that didn't mean they had to keep dancing together now that the song had changed. Her pulse beat wildly as he pulled her closer. His hand was on the small of her back, the other holding her hand, and Beth had to resist the urge to rest her head on his chest; she felt overwhelmed by him and hyper aware of everywhere that they touched. Definitely not how it should feel with a normal friend. But maybe he wasn't feeling anything...was still just being nice...</p><p>He was looking down at her, eyes on her mouth, and Beth couldn't help flushing as she met his gaze. But she didn't look away, and neither did Will. Will's arm tightened around her, and she felt almost certain that he was about to kiss her. His expression was the same as it had been at Carla's.</p><p>And then she was startled by the strong vibration of her phone, and the ring tone was loud enough to hear over the slow song. Her phone was in the pocket of her dress, and she felt like an idiot. She hastily reached to turn the phone on silent and looked down at the caller ID. "It's <em>Jane</em>," she said, in surprise and growing worry as she noticed the number of missed calls and messages. What terrible timing... "I'm <em>so</em> sorry Will, but she's been trying to reach me all night."</p><p>"Oh, answer it."</p><p>She held up a finger. "I will be <em>right</em> back. I promise. I just want to make sure that everything is okay. This will take two seconds. And then more of -" she gestured from herself and then back to him, and he smiled and nodded.</p><p>She walked out of the room and called Jane's number, feeling annoyed. "This had better be really good," she said in frustration, grabbing her coat and going outside, away from the noise. "I mean really, <em>really</em> good."</p><p>"Beth," Jane said miserably. "I've been trying to get a hold of you.</p><p>"You sound weird. Are you all right?" she asked, starting to feel alarmed, her annoyance dropping away.</p><p>"<em>I'm</em> fine, but…"</p><p>"What's wrong?<em>"</em></p><p>"It's Lydia. She's in the hospital; she—she OD'd."</p><p>It was hard to get enough air. She sat down on the steps outside the door to the house, barely noticing how cold it was on the skin of her legs and through her skirt. Her mind had gone blank.</p><p>"Someone found her in the bathroom at a party. She'd collapsed from too much cocaine," Jane was continuing, though Beth could hardly make herself listen.</p><p>"<em>No</em>." Beth felt hot tears spill out of her eyes. "Is she going to be okay?" Beth barely whispered it. She didn't know what she would do if Jane said no. She didn't always like her younger sister, but she loved her deeply nonetheless. Losing her was unimaginable.</p><p>"She's okay now, we think. They got her to the hospital in time. They gave her something…diazepam, maybe. I can't remember what it's called. We're all just in shock. Mom and dad don't know what to do. None of us do." Jane's voice was shaky as she spoke. "I'd only gotten home from the end of the semester a few hours before. I didn't even know she'd gone out."</p><p>Beth felt a tiny wave of relief at the thought that Lydia wasn't dead, but it was only the topmost of the emotions she was feeling. Beth rubbed her forehead with a shaky hand, trying to steady her breathing.</p><p>"Dad was so worried, but now that she's okay he's—he's furious. We don't even know how she got into it. Who would sell drugs to a sixteen year old?"</p><p>Beth stared at the sidewalk without seeing it. She knew <em>exactly</em> who would do such a thing. Someone who'd done it in the past... Jamie must have been at Carla's party to drop off drugs. If St. Agnes was any indication, it didn't seem to matter how old any of his buyers were as long as he got paid. She could see it clearly. She pictured Lydia waiting in line with the other girls for the bathroom and how friendly and amped up she had been. She'd been that way too at the movie night she'd had with Jane. Beth had assumed that she'd just been drunk, but it had been cocaine instead. Had it all started at Carla's party?</p><p>Beth shook her head, feeling sick. "What are they going to do with Lydia?"</p><p>"She has to stay in the hospital for a few days, and then I'm sure dad will want to put her in some kind of rehab facility. You're coming home tomorrow, right?" Jane asked desperately.</p><p>"I already have tickets for the earliest flight."</p><p>"Good. I need you here."</p><p>Beth could hear indistinct noises in the background, and Jane responded distractedly to whoever was talking. "I've got to go. I just wanted you to know what was going on."</p><p>Beth sighed heavily. "Okay. Call me if anything happens."</p><p>After hanging up, Beth looked at her hands in confusion; they were smudged with black streaks. She remembered that Marianne had done her make-up what seemed like years ago, and now she had ruined it by crying. She must look truly awful, she thought, imagining the black smudges, and she began to cry again.</p><p>"Get a <em>grip</em>," she said to herself and reached into her coat pocket, extremely grateful to find some tissues. She did her best to wipe away anywhere she thought the make-up might have gotten, but it was hard to do without a mirror. Beth was suddenly aware of the music again. She did <em>not</em> want to go back in. She didn't think she could face all the happy people dancing and laughing inside. She was hardly in the mood see anyone, let alone explain why she had been outside for so long. It had probably been close to ten minutes. She'd been so dazed after the bad news that she'd done nothing but sit on the steps in the cold. She had an early plane to catch, and she couldn't be at this party any longer. She had to be somewhere quiet so that she could think and try to understand what had happened to her sister. She slowly started up the walk to the door. She had to say goodbye to everyone, didn't she? Or maybe...</p><p>The door opened and Will stepped out before she reached it. She did an abrupt about-face, briefly closing her eyes. She was an emotional wreck, and the last person she wanted to see her that way was Will. Her mascara had probably run <em>everywhere</em>. But she would have to face him sometime, and it was better outside than in. Squaring her shoulders, she turned around. She hoped he wasn't perceptive enough to notice she'd been crying. Maybe the night was too dark for him to see, maybe she'd managed to wipe away all of the streaks of make-up...<em></em><br/>
<br/>
"What's wrong?" his voice was filled with alarm. So much for not noticing.</p><p>She spoke softly to keep her voice from breaking. "I'm fine."</p><p>He closed the distance between them and she had to look away from his searching gaze. "I can tell you aren't fine."</p><p>Beth took a deep shaky breath and tried to explain. "It's…my sister...she's…" Her voice broke, and she couldn't blink the tears away. She bowed her head; she didn't want him to see her cry. Will stood awkwardly for a few moments, not knowing what to do. Then she straightened up and laughed at herself. "I'm a mess." She shook her head and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Don't apologize. I just want to help. You should sit down. Are you okay?" he asked again, and it was somehow comforting to see how concerned he really was about her.</p><p>"I'm <em>fine</em>." But she allowed him to guide her to the steps to sit down. He waited patiently for her to start. She shoved her hands deep into her coat pockets, trying to figure out what she could say to him. Nothing came to mind except the truth, no matter how horrible it was.</p><p>"Lydia's in the hospital. She was at a party and she overdosed on coke." She watched Will's expectant face drop into a frown and he looked down, eyes landing on the steps below them. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. "She's going to be okay, but…" Beth trailed off. "I didn't even know it was going on. How could this happen?"</p><p>Will looked as though he understood only too well what she meant. A sad look of understanding passed between them. "I knew Lydia liked to party, but <em>this</em>? Almost dying?" Beth shook her head in helpless bafflement.</p><p>Will placed one of his hands over hers, carefully and deliberately. Not romantic, but it was still comforting. "At least she's okay," he said quietly. "Are you sending her to rehab?"</p><p>Beth shrugged deeply in a helpless gesture. "I have no idea. I'm sure my parents will make her go but—" She suddenly stood up to pace in agitation. A wave of fury had run through her. "She was getting it from <em>Jamie</em>!"</p><p>Will looked at her speechlessly, and then he closed his eyes for a moment. "Wickham?"</p><p>"I know I made it sound like we were friends, but I only met him once," she said hastily. "And I think that's when Lydia started using it." She paused, picturing the conversation where Carla told her he was a dealer and feeling so foolish. "I knew what he was. Even y<em>ou</em> told me. If I had only told her, none of this would have happened." Beth exhaled violently. "I didn't know she was doing it, but still, I should have told her..."</p><p>Will walked to where Beth was standing. "You can't blame yourself. There are just some people who get sucked into that world. Lydia would have done this whether you'd been there or not. If not now, some other time in her life in some other situation. It's <em>her</em> fault; or maybe it's <em>his</em> for taking advantage of her, but it's not yours." He was looking down at her, his expression serious. "If you try to blame yourself, it'll just eat away at you. Take it from someone who knows." He sighed after he said it, and a frown marred his features.</p><p>Beth had never heard him talk about what had happened with Anna; she had only read the message She could see now how much pain it had caused him. She felt terrible for making him relive it tonight. She blinked slowly and finally nodded. "You're right. I'm just…" Beth trailed off. She didn't know what she was feeling.</p><p>They both seemed to realize at the same moment that Will was still holding onto her shoulders. He dropped his hands, shoving them into his coat pockets. "I'm sorry; you haven't had any time to deal with this. I'm sure you just want to be alone. I'm not helping anything." He went on before she could reply that she hadn't minded his company—that he was the only thing making her feel okay. "You're probably not coming back inside..."</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>"I'll drive you back," he offered quietly.</p><p>The ride back to the main campus was quiet and tense. Will no longer seemed inclined to talk and Beth was too emotionally exhausted to try to break the silence. She thought he might've just dropped her off in the parking lot, but he got out and walked her to the doors to her dorm. The night air was crisp and very cold. She'd warmed up in the car, not realizing how cold she'd been outside the party. But now she was feeling it again. The sidewalk and leaves glittered with frost.</p><p>"Thank you for the ride." The evening had been nice, right up until it hadn't. "You didn't have to take the trouble—"</p><p>"It was nothing," he said, cutting off whatever she had been about to add. "I'm just sorry about Lydia."</p><p>"Me too," she said quietly. "But you shouldn't have left your party just for me…"</p><p>Will waved her off again and looked down at his feet. "Don't worry about it; you're more important than that stupid party." His eyes were suddenly on hers again. Beth inhaled sharply, and the moment of silence dragged on between them. With a pang, she suddenly remembered just where they had left off on the dance floor. Now was the obvious time for a goodbye hug or kiss; but instead they simply stood there, looking at each other. Will's jaw was tight. Just when Beth thought that she couldn't possibly take the silence and tension between them any longer, Will finally took the step forward, bringing them as close as they could be without touching.</p><p>Beth was suddenly aware of her heart beating in the hollow of her throat. They were so close that she could feel their breath mingling, and then he bowed his head, leaning in. She used the lapels of his coat to guide him forward, and his mouth touched hers. The kiss was soft, but that sense of connection was still there and she felt a rush of warmth from her fingertips to her toes.</p><p>But there were too many other, <em>stronger</em> emotions and she broke away quickly. "Will…"</p><p>To Beth's total and utter embarrassment, tears welled up in her eyes before she could say anything more, and she started crying in earnest. After a moment, she hastily wiped the tears away with her sleeve and then was suddenly overcome by a fit of the giggles. When she chanced a look at Will, his eyes were as wide as she'd ever seen them, and she couldn't blame him. The first time they'd kissed, she'd broken it off to have a yelling match with him, and now she had broken it off to cry. He had to think she was totally bonkers.</p><p>"Oh <em>god</em>, I have no idea what's wrong with me," Beth mumbled, still fighting off her giggles. She closed her eyes for a long moment, trying to regain control of herself. "I'm sorry," she finally said, quietly. "This is your last night, and I've just—just completely ruined everything about it."</p><p>She opened her eyes to see Will give a slight shrug, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Not quite."</p><p>Beth wrung her hands and transferred her weight from one foot to the other, nervously. "I just don't know how to deal with everything about Lydia. I don't know what to <em>do</em>, or what…" Beth trailed off, looking at Will. She was suddenly breathing quickly. She didn't know what she wanted from<em> him, </em>but she couldn't tell him that. She clenched her fists in frustration.</p><p>He seemed to understand anyway and looked down at the sidewalk for a moment. "It's okay; I understand. You should get some rest." His tone was resigned.</p><p>Beth bit her lip, feeling like crying again, but she nodded. "I—good luck in New York," she finished lamely, and even saying that her voice had a tremor.</p><p>"Thanks. Goodbye, Beth," he said after a moment.</p><p>"Goodbye," she said quietly. She waited anxiously for something more to happen, but after a few seconds he only nodded his head before heading back in the direction of the parking lot. Beth watched him get further and further away, a wave of panic welling inside of her. <em>Why</em> had she done that?</p><p>She had wanted him to kiss her, but she was so overwhelmed. Now he was gone, his car pulling out onto the street, taillights glowing red in the night. The thought of his return in February didn't feel comforting. On any other night...it would have been different, she told herself. But a nagging feeling told her that this had been the only chance, and it was gone. She finally went inside, feeling more dejected than she had at the party.</p><p>Marianne looked up in surprise as Beth walked into the room.</p><p>"What are you doing back so early? I thought you were going to the party?"</p><p>"I did. Now I'm back," she said simply. She couldn't talk about any of what had happened.</p><p>"How did it go?" Marianne asked excitedly, waggling her eyebrows.</p><p>Beth shook her head slightly. She couldn't think about it; it would drive her crazy. "Nothing happened."</p><p>"You're <em>kidding</em> me! I was so—"</p><p>"Marianne," Beth interrupted, hating what she was about to do. She'd forgotten about John, but the sight of Marianne had brought it all back. She wished she were anywhere else, doing any other thing. "I saw something tonight that I need to tell you about. John was at the party with another girl. They were...kissing," she finally finished, miserably.</p><p>"What are you talking about? He called and told me he was sick and couldn't go out tonight."</p><p>Beth shrugged her shoulders, holding out her hands. "He was at the party. I saw him dancing and—and kissing another girl…"</p><p>Marianne stared for a full 30 seconds, eyebrows furrowed and mouth agape. "That can't be right," she finally said.</p><p>"I know he wasn't technically your boyfriend, but maybe-"</p><p>Marianne interrupted. "That label is irrelevant! I told you; what we have is so..." she searched for the right word. "Special. He would never do anything like that," Marianne said with confidence, staring at one tile on the floor without seeing it, seeming to picture John.</p><p>"Did you...talk about being exclusive?" Beth asked very slowly, trying to keep her tone calm as Marianne became more and more distraught.</p><p>"We didn't have to!" Marianne's eyes moved to meet Beth's. "He would never do that to me," she said firmly. "It must have been someone else."</p><p>Beth didn't know what to say. She knew what she'd seen. "Marianne...I <em>saw</em> him..."</p><p>"Listen, I'm sorry that things didn't work out between you and Will, but it wasn't John. I know it wasn't. You're wrong."</p><p>Beth stared at her, flabbergasted, her mouth hanging open. She'd never imagined she'd have to convince Marianne of what she'd seen. Beth knew that Marianne wasn't the right person to take out her frustrations from the evening on, but she couldn't stop herself. "Call him up then and ask where he is, if I'm such a <em>liar</em>," she spat out. "But don't be surprised if he's too busy <em>partying</em> to pick up his phone."</p><p>Marianne glared. "I don't have to call him. I trust him."</p><p>"Come <em>on</em>!"</p><p>"You've never been supportive of my relationship with John. Is this some dumb trick to get me to break up with him and go out with that stupid friend of yours?"</p><p>Beth narrowed her eyes. "Now you're being ridiculous."</p><p>"No, <em>you</em> are." Marianne said and walked out, slamming the door behind her.</p><p>With a yell of frustration, Beth grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it as hard as she could at the door. With a soft thud, it nailed the door squarely in the center and fell with a plop to the floor. On top of everything else, she was in a fight with Marianne. She sank down on her chair, suddenly exhausted, fighting the urge to cry again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. No less brittle than beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth starts the winter term and meets a new friend</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Jane led Beth forward into Lydia's hospital room, and Beth's stomach gave an unpleasant twinge at the sight of her younger sister, so small and pale beneath the blankets. Lydia stirred as they entered, but she didn't fully wake. The room was devoid of all personal touches with blank yellowish walls and a strong smell of disinfectant. The fluorescent lights overhead made everyone look washed out. The room was not inviting, and Beth could understand why so many people didn't like hospitals. She'd wanted to leave as soon as they'd gotten there.</p>
<p>"Whatever they gave her completely knocked her out. She's been asleep for most of the day," Jane said quietly. There were dark circles beneath her eyes that seemed to swallow them entirely, and her lips were pale; Beth had never seen anyone who looked so unhealthy. Lydia was too thin beneath the covers of the bed. She really did look close to death, and the sight disturbed Beth deeply.</p>
<p>She heard voices from the hallway and turned to see her parents, mid-conversation with Lydia's doctor.</p>
<p>"—not usually an opening. However, it's truly one of the best in the country and a wonderful opportunity. You're very fortunate."</p>
<p>"Yes, of course," Beth's father said seriously. Beth noticed that both he and her mother were holding a pamphlet in their hands. "We'll make the arrangements."</p>
<p>The doctor excused herself, and Beth made her presence known.</p>
<p>"Hello dear," her mother said, pulling Beth into a hug. "Seeing my poor baby like this…" Her eyes welled with tears, and she shoved the pamphlet into Beth's hands before rushing forward into the room to dote on the sleeping Lydia, tucking her in.</p>
<p>Beth looked down at the pamphlet. The glossy front page showed a pretty compound with several brick buildings and a garden of flowers. "The Anne Wentworth rehabilitation clinic," Beth read to herself. The photos were nice. She could imagine resting there in the beautiful gardens and recuperating and emerging an entirely new person. Even better, it was just outside of D.C. and relatively close to their home. Beth wondered what stroke of luck had made it this easy for her family to get Lydia into such a nice facility.</p>
<p>No one had much to say. Her mother worried endlessly over Lydia's sleeping body, and Beth found herself irrationally annoyed by it. Jane sat stiffly in one of the chairs by the door. They stayed for some time, but once it became clear that Lydia wasn't going to be waking any time soon, Jane offered to take Beth home so they could eat dinner.</p>
<p>Back in her room, she rubbed her temples tiredly; she could feel a headache building behind her eyes. She was remembering Anna dancing the night before and how kind she had been to teach Beth the steps. She'd been the reason that Beth and Will had been dancing at all. Beth felt a sudden sensation of regret, remembering how the night had ended with Will. What a giant mess it all turned out to be, and all because of Jamie and Lydia.</p>
<p>She couldn't stop thinking about her fight with Marianne either. She hadn't realized how much her friendship had meant until it had gone off the rails. They ate meals together and talked every night before bed. Why hadn't Marianne believed her? Was this how Will had felt when she'd said all those things about Jamie? No wonder he had written her the facebook message; it felt terrible to be misunderstood! She'd picked up her phone a thousand times, but she didn't know what to write. She'd seen John kissing another woman. She couldn't apologize for that, and she couldn't go back in time and not tell Marianne about it. She'd thought she was being a good friend. But Marianne had chosen her boyfriend over Beth, and that stung. Alone in her childhood bed, Beth tried not to cry but it was a losing battle. Beth didn't want to be in a fight anymore; she wanted her friend back.</p>
<p>And though she kept them down for self-preservation, a few thoughts of Will ran through her head: his eyes as he'd dipped her on the dance floor, the feel of his hand on her back as they slow danced, the way he'd bent his head to kiss her so lightly...</p>
<p>She wished <em>that</em> had gone differently too…</p>
<hr/>
<p>The air bit at Beth's face, and she tugged her coat closer, reaching into her pocket for a pair of gloves. Frost covered the trees and the grounds, making everything alive with sparkles and light. The sky was the palest blue with only a few wispy clouds in the air, and the sun seemed weaker than normal, doing nothing to relieve the chill of the air. Beth wondered why she had chosen a school in New England; the weather was 20 degrees warmer in D.C. when she left that morning.</p>
<p>Her break had passed much too quickly. Christmas had been a sad affair as they'd all been in the middle of helping Lydia transition to the clinic. Then in a blink it was New Year's, which she had spent quietly at home with Jane and Charles. She'd secretly hoped that Will might send her another message on Facebook or find her number through another source, but he hadn't. She'd received texts from other friends, but none from him and none from Marianne. She'd watched as Jane and Charles kissed sweetly at midnight all while feigning cheer and good spirits, recalling the very brief kiss with Will before he left.</p>
<p>What she'd denied in the summer had become more and more apparent to her over break: she really did like him. She wouldn't have minded kissing him on New Year's. But he was in New York for his internship, and it would be weeks and weeks before she'd see him again.</p>
<p>Beth welcomed the blast of hot air that reached her as she entered the dorm, feeling a sense of happiness at the familiar sight. She was excited to be back and to have a new start. She stood outside her door for a moment, taking a deep breath. Now she'd learn if Marianne was feeling any differently. They hadn't talked at all over the winter break. She cautiously entered her room.</p>
<p>"Hey," Beth said, as she dragged in her suitcase. "It's like the arctic circle out there."</p>
<p>Marianne nodded before turning back to her computer.</p>
<p>"Speaking of <em>freezing</em>…" Beth muttered under her breath as she heaved her bag onto her bed. She felt a crushing sense of disappointment, dreading the idea of spending the rest of the year with a roommate who wouldn't talk to her. "Marianne," Beth said after half an hour passed and she couldn't take it anymore. "We need to talk about this."</p>
<p>Marianne stiffened but didn't turn around. "I don't see why."</p>
<p>"Come on."</p>
<p>"I talked to him. He told me he was sick, and I believe him. I appreciate that you told me, and I know that you think you saw what you saw, but you must have been mistaken. It wasn't him."</p>
<p>Beth clenched her jaw and bit back a reply. "Fine," she sighed. "Believe whatever you want." That was not how she had wanted her first exchange with Marianne to go. Beth wondered whether she would have believed Marianne had the situation been reversed, and the only answer she could come up with was yes. This made it all the more difficult to understand why Marianne had chosen her boyfriend instead. Beth sighed miserably and started to unpack her bag.</p>
<hr/>
<p>As Beth walked to her first class of the new semester, she felt—different. Older. She knew where everything was, for one thing. She also knew what to expect from her classes. She was no longer the lost little freshman from first semester. How strange to think that all of the classes from the month before were over, and that she'd never have some of those professors ever again. She was still used to high school where the teacher was the same for the entire year. It was nice to be able to start a totally new subject. She'd decided on a class about ancient Rome for her winter term. She'd heard that everyone in the class got to pick a historical figure from that time, and they would role play at the end of the semester. Beth couldn't think of a better or more fun way to get a Gen Ed out of the way.</p>
<p>The class was small for Pemberley; only about 20 students, and she chose a seat next to a blonde woman that she didn't know. Beth had tried to make new friends in all her classes. She turned in her seat as Beth sat and flashed a friendly smile. Her teeth were <em>white,</em> Beth noticed. Perfectly straight and movie star white. Her long hair had beautiful highlights of varying shades, and it was either natural or a very expensive dye job. Beth suddenly felt intimidated but forced herself to smile back. She was trying not to be so judgmental anymore; trying to be a nicer person. Plus, without Marianne, she was in the market for a new friend.</p>
<p>"I don't think we've met; I'm Emma Woodhouse." Her voice was friendly, feminine, and chirpy. In a way, she reminded Beth of Jane, and thinking of her sister made her suddenly feel more at ease. She told Emma her name.</p>
<p>"Are you a history major?"</p>
<p>Beth shook her head and Emma nodded. "I was going to say...I thought I knew all the new majors, so I'm glad I didn't miss one. I'm a senior," she added confidently. "This class should be really fun." She stretched out her legs, getting comfortable for class, and Beth noticed that she was wearing expensive heels that coordinated artfully with her earrings. Heels, in January, in Massachusetts...</p>
<p>But she didn't have time to say anything else as the professor had started class.</p>
<p>She found herself walking next to Emma as the class ended, and they made friendly chit-chat. Most of the students Beth knew had dressed up for the first week of classes and then switched to sweatpants. Beth couldn't imagine Emma ever wearing something so inelegant. She had on slim black pants and a simple white button up, hidden now under a stylish wool coat. The heels completed the outfit, and Beth could tell that she was used to walking in them. She seemed so sophisticated.</p>
<p>And she was popular, Beth learned very quickly. They were constantly interrupted as people said hello to Emma. Freshmen, seniors, men, women; it seemed like Emma knew everyone. And she certainly knew all the gossip.</p>
<p>"She's been cheating on her long-distance boyfriend all year," Emma murmured quietly as they walked out of earshot of the girl. She waggled her eyebrows and mimed a shocked expression to Beth a moment later. "It's scandalous."</p>
<p>This person was an un-diagnosed alcoholic, that person was the best cook of the entire senior class, this person was someone she had made out with freshman year and then never spoken to again (here she breezed by him with utmost nonchalance): Emma seemed to know something about everyone.</p>
<p>"I'm turning left here," Emma said cheerfully as they came to a division in the sidewalk. "I'll see you in class on Wednesday. Can't wait to get to know more about you!" She said the last bit as she turned to walk away, and Beth had no doubt it was true. She'd met the reigning gossip of Pemberley. She also wondered how much Emma had already heard about her. There had been that rumor about her and Will after the party...</p>
<p>She shook the thought away. Not thinking about Will was much harder once she was back at school. She kept expecting to run into him. She hadn't realized how often that had happened until it <em>didn't</em> anymore. But with him gone for the winter term, at least any of that gossip about them would die down. It was the one silver lining.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth sat rubbing her temples. The whistling wind was making it impossible to study. A month into the new term, and they were approaching the last two weeks of class. She had to get ready for the upcoming test. She gave up for the moment; she couldn't pay attention with the blizzard outside. She felt bored but somehow stressed at the same time. It wasn't a good combination.</p>
<p>She looked over to Marianne's side of the room with a twinge of regret. <em>If</em> they had still been talking, Beth would have asked her to go out for a coffee. But the weeks had passed, and Beth's attempts to make up proved futile. Eventually she gave up. She and Marianne hardly spoke to each other.</p>
<p>Marianne had left half an hour earlier saying vaguely that she was going out. Beth assumed she was going to John's. She sighed and looked at her phone, thinking about calling Emma. They had formed a friendship as the weeks had gone by, talking before and after class. They were planning to study together in a few days, but they'd never hung out socially before. Beth decided there wasn't any harm in asking.</p>
<p>But Emma was excited. "Absolutely!" she said, her voice alight with happiness. And she suggested a coffee shop just off campus where Beth could meet her. It would be a short, but cold walk. Beth wore a sweater with a fleece under her winter coat, plus a big knit hat and her gloves. She knew she wouldn't look as put together as whatever Emma would be wearing, but she'd be warm on the way there and home.</p>
<p>The windows of the coffee shop were fogged, and Beth could see how red her cheeks were in the reflection from a mirror on the wall. Emma waved her over to a small table, and Beth was surprised to see that even she had on a pair of boots. They were fashionable and lined with faux fur, but Beth had never seen her in anything but heels.</p>
<p>"I was excited you called. The thought of doing more work was making me want to gouge my eyes out," Emma said with characteristic drama. With a perfectly manicured hand, she flipped her long, honey-blonde hair over her shoulder. "They have a peppermint latte today; it's pretty good," she added after taking a prim sip. Beth waited in the short line to order, taking her seat by Emma again in just a few minutes. Emma was in the middle of waving to a couple of fellow students leaving the cafe.</p>
<p>"There goes Ava," she said with a smile. "Will Darcy's ex girlfriend," she added after a moment, her brown eyes watching Beth carefully. Without thinking, Beth turned in her chair to see who she was. The two girls were walking out the door and wearing as many layers as Beth, so it was hard to see. But Beth caught a glimpse of wavy platinum hair under a navy hat with a pom-pom and a pretty, vivacious smile. She stopped herself from craning her neck to see more, realizing that Emma was certainly observing her reaction.</p>
<p>Emma's eyes were tilted wickedly as she continued talking. "They were a really big deal my sophomore year. They both played lacrosse, so they were like this adorable, sporty couple."</p>
<p>Blonde and sporty, Beth thought. Great.</p>
<p>"What happened?" Beth asked with interest. After all, what was the point in being friends with the gossip queen of Pemberley if she couldn't leverage it in her favor every now and then.</p>
<p>"They were mismatched," Emma said knowingly and without hesitation, as though she had just been waiting for Beth to ask. "He's a pretty serious guy, you know. Thoughtful. I had a class with him last year and he's really smart. Ava...not so much. She's the sweetest girl, but not a big thinker, I'll put it that way. Lacrosse was the only thing they had in common, and that's not much." After a pause where she gave Beth a sly look, Emma continued. "Honestly, I think you two would be a <em>much</em> better couple, if the rumors are true." She took another sip of her drink while Beth blinked and blushed in surprise, her mouth falling open. "Come on, I've been <em>dying</em> to know. You should be amazed I even waited this long to ask!"</p>
<p>So Emma <em>had </em>heard the rumor; of course she had. Beth shook her head, but she was smiling. "We're not together."</p>
<p>"Hmm," was all Emma replied, her tone disbelieving. She looked at Beth intently.</p>
<p>"We're really not!"</p>
<p>"But you want to be?"</p>
<p>Beth hesitated. Emma was her friend, but she was also the biggest gossip on campus. If it somehow got around to Will that she was talking about him-</p>
<p>"Oh my god, I promise I won't tell anyone," Emma said dramatically. "Scout's honor." She held up three fingers dutifully, amusement glinting from her eyes.</p>
<p>Feeling reckless, Beth found herself responding with a silly smile on her face. "Sure, I would not say no to a date..."</p>
<p>"Nobody in their right mind would."</p>
<hr/>
<p>The walk back to campus was chilly. The sun had set, and only a few early stars were visible in the sky. Beth couldn't wait to get into the warmth of her dorm room. From about 10 yards away, she could see someone sitting on the bench outside of the dorm. Whoever it was wasn't wearing a coat, and that was downright crazy. Worse, from this far away it almost looked like Marianne. They had a slight build, and as she got closer, she could see that the hair was red. Her heart was starting to pound, and Beth realized that it <em>was</em> her roommate. What was she doing, sitting like that outside in the cold?</p>
<p>"Are you all right? Why aren't you wearing a coat?"</p>
<p>Marianne didn't answer. She sat, her lips slightly blue, staring into the distance. After a moment she finally seemed to focus on Beth "You were right," she whispered, and tears leaked down her face.</p>
<p>They needed to get inside immediately. Then Beth would be able to figure out what was going on. Marianne moved slowly from the bench, her teeth chattering so hard that her whole head shook. She walked Marianne to the elevator, jamming the buttons. When they got to the room, she grabbed the nearest towels that she could find as she rushed Marianne off to the showers.</p>
<p>She couldn't tell how long Marianne had been sitting outside without her coat, but she hoped Marianne was in emotional shock rather than really ill. She helped get the water started and then waited just outside the shower until Marianne's color returned and she seemed lucid. Then Beth went to the room for a mug and a bag of tea. She had to run down to the common room to use the microwave. It felt like the longest minutes of her life as she waited for the water to heat up, wondering and wondering what could have happened.</p>
<p>Marianne was buried under the covers in her bed when Beth re-entered the room.</p>
<p>"Good. I was going to tell you to do that anyway. Here's some tea." Her cheeks were rosy, and her lips had returned to their normal color again, Beth noted. That was an enormous relief, and she felt herself relax for the first time since she'd seen Marianne outside. She climbed a few rungs on her ladder and sat so that she'd be closer to eye level with Marianne in the loft.</p>
<p>Marianne smiled feebly. "I don't know how to thank you enough." She began crying again, and Beth could hardly make out the words. "I'm so embarrassed! And I was such a bad friend. I'm so, so sorry Beth."</p>
<p>Beth had been waiting for an apology all winter term, but to get one like this, where her friend was so obviously distraught and hurt took all the pleasure out of it. She found that she couldn't hold anything against Marianne, especially not when she was this vulnerable.</p>
<p>"I forgive you. Just don't ever scare me like that again." Beth paused. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"</p>
<p>Marianne sighed deeply, taking the first sip from her tea. "Why not? It's all so stupid anyway. I went over to his apartment to surprise him. I thought we could go out, but when I got there no one answered. John's door is always unlocked, so I went in." She rubbed her eye angrily. "I saw him in—in bed with another girl, and I ran. I wasn't thinking straight. I think I left my coat there." Marianne looked down at her hands. "I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you." Marianne looked up. "You really forgive me, right?"</p>
<p>Beth reached over to hold her hand. One look at Marianne, so small, pale, and miserable and what else could she do. "Of course I do. I'll even let you plead temporary insanity."</p>
<p>Marianne's expression wobbled, and she broke into fresh tears. "I loved him. I really did. How could he do that? Why wasn't I enough?"</p>
<p>"Don't think like that. You didn't do anything wrong," Beth consoled, climbing up into Marianne's loft. It was hurting <em>her</em> to see Marianne in so much pain. Marianne managed a feeble nod, reached up to clasp Beth's hand, and continued to sob. Beth could only stroke her hair and murmur encouragements.</p>
<hr/>
<p>What she'd hoped was just the initial shock of finding out about John never seemed to pass. Instead, as the first week went on, and then the second, Beth was dismayed to find that Marianne was not improving. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't <em>bathe</em>, she wouldn't go to class, and she slept fitfully. Beth didn't know what to do.</p>
<p>"Marianne," she pleaded. "You've got to go to class. You'll fail out if you don't."</p>
<p>Marianne had been staring blankly into space, but she turned to Beth. "I have a friend taking notes for me. I can't be in class right now. Would you mind picking up the notes for me? I told Emma to meet you at lunch today if that works."</p>
<p>The notes were coming from Emma's roommate, Harriet, and Beth reluctantly agreed, hoping this would at least prevent Marianne from failing. She didn't know what she would do next year if she couldn't room with Marianne!</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth scanned the benches outside the dining hall, looking for Emma. Sitting with her long legs crossed, her foot bouncing in its stylish high-heeled boot, a jaunty hat on her hair, she looked like a winter fashion ad for some chic clothing company. Emma stood as Beth approached and gave her a big hug.</p>
<p>"This thing with Marianne is awful, isn't it?" she said, a frown marring her pretty face. Beth had to agree; it had not been a pleasant experience for anyone involved.</p>
<p>Emma was digging through her Gucci purse, moving objects aside and out of the way. Finding what she was looking for, she handed the notes over to Beth. "Here." Then she ruffled through her purse again until she found some lip gloss. "I'm <em>starving</em>. Let's go somewhere for lunch. Daddy gave me the credit card, so it's all on me."</p>
<p>Beth's eyebrows had risen up at the words 'Daddy' and 'credit card', but she had bit back on saying anything. Emma was spoiled and rich, yes, but she was also a genuinely good person. Beth just had to let the moments go where Emma unconsciously flaunted money. They settled on the student-run café. Emma, however, was immediately distracted: Grant Knightley was sitting at one of the nearby tables reading a book.</p>
<p>She stopped abruptly. "Look! There's Knightley." She sounded happily surprised. "Go ahead and order, Beth. I'll order in a minute; I've <em>got</em> to talk to him."</p>
<p>Beth watched as Emma sauntered over to the table, a definite swing in her hips. He stiffened as she leaned over his shoulder to see what he was reading, and her long hair obscured them from view.</p>
<p>Beth knew the cashier from her English class the previous semester. He was quiet and bookish-looking with his glasses. They exchanged hellos as she ordered, and then Emma joined her a minute later, sitting down with a huff. "Sometimes that boy drives me completely <em>insane</em>," Emma said, her eyes on Grant as he left the café. "Acting like he's always right…"</p>
<p>Beth began to eat her food, but Emma's attention was still diverted, this time toward the cashier.</p>
<p>"What do you think of Rob Martin?" she finally asked.</p>
<p>Beth blinked. What was she supposed to say? She hadn't ever thought about Rob Martin before. "Umm," she began inarticulately, and Emma nodded.</p>
<p>"That's how I feel too. But my roommate is completely stuck on him." She rolled her eyes. "She could at least pick somebody worth drooling over, like John Willoughby. He's a bastard, for sure, but no wonder Marianne lost her head over him. If Harriet was obsessed with him, then at least I'd understand." She gave Beth a wicked look before she continued. "Or Will Darcy. That boy is sex on legs…but then, you probably know more about <em>that</em> than I do."</p>
<p>Beth's mouth dropped open in feigned outrage, but, as she was in the middle of swallowing a bite of her sandwich, she couldn't say anything. Now that Emma knew her feelings, she never passed up an opportunity to tease Beth. Giving her a wink, Emma smiled. "Now, enough talk about <em>that</em>." She effortlessly changed the subject, smiling sympathetically and placing her hand over Beth's. "How is Marianne doing?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth threw the notes onto Marianne's desk as she entered their room and flopped onto her bed, riffling through the mail she had picked up on her way back from lunch. A letter addressed to her from Lydia caught her eye, and she quickly opened it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Beth,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We're supposed to write these "in an effort to improve our communication skills with our friends and loved ones", but it seems like a load of bull to me. Obviously, the nurses here haven't seen my phone bill, or they would know how freaking good I am at communicating. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But some parts of rehab totally rock. They let you eat whenever you want. And two days a week I go to this sauna thing; I think they're trying to sweat all the leftover coke out of me. There's this recovering alcoholic here who's totally hot, too. Wish me luck with him!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Luv, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lydia</em>
</p>
<p>Beth cringed. Lydia hadn't realized repercussions of her actions. Beth hoped that someday she would understand what she had put them all through, but for now, she was still just a silly 16 year old girl.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. A prettyish kind of little wilderness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beth's spring semester starts and Will returns to campus.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One of the clinic workers showed Beth and Jane to Lydia's room, which was small but cozy. There were fresh flowers in a jar by the window, pictures of Lydia with her friends, and posters from movies tacked on her wall. Unlike the hospital, this room had all the personal touches to make it feel like home. Lydia was standing by her bed with her blonde hair dripping sweat and rosy cheeks.</p><p>"I've got to shower. I smell like a pig." She wrinkled her nose. "I swear they're not happy unless you're drenched in sweat. Make yourself comfortable." Lydia disappeared into the bathroom.</p><p>Jane smiled and took a seat in one of the chairs, as Beth looked around the room.</p><p>"It seems like Lydia really likes it here."</p><p>"I think she thinks she's at summer camp, or something," Beth muttered, looking over the photos on the wall. Whether she was taking it seriously or not, rehab was doing Lydia good. She already looked healthier and had put on weight. Beth was only visiting D.C. for the weekend, as the spring term for Pemberley started Monday, and she and Jane were seeing Lydia for the first time since Christmas.</p><p>"I'm gonna dry my hair and then we can go get lunch. The food here <em>is dope</em>," Lydia said as she returned from the shower, rummaging in her drawer for her blow-dryer.</p><p>Beth busied herself looking at the get well cards Lydia had received. Most of them were from her friends from school, except for one. She gingerly picked up the last card on the right. The violets on the cover seemed so innocuous, and yet…</p><p>
  <em>Lydia,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this card finds you doing well. I heard you'd been admitted to rehab from my brother, Will. The Anne Wentworth clinic did me a world of good, and I hope it will do the same for you. I talked with some of the staff, and they promised to take extra good care of you. I know what you're going through, and if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to give me a call.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anna Darcy</em>
</p><p>Beth felt like she wasn't getting enough air. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, but there it was anyway: a card from Anna Darcy to Lydia. She hadn't realized Lydia was done with her hair until she came and spoke right next to Beth.</p><p>"Isn't that funny?"</p><p>Beth jumped wildly. "Huh?"</p><p>"I don't even know her." Lydia shrugged. "It's nice though. Everyone treats me like a princess because they think I'm friends with Anna or something. Apparently, she was a big deal. I still don't know how Will knew I was in rehab though. I haven't seen him since the summer, and even then, we never <em>talked</em>."</p><p>"I told him," Beth said quietly. "I was with him when I found out you were in the hospital."</p><p>"I bet that was a<em> buzz-kill</em>. Anyway, who wants lunch?"</p><p>Beth put the card back on the desk and followed her sister without really seeing anything. She rallied herself enough so that Jane and Lydia didn't notice anything, but her mind was racing.</p><p>Will must have told Anna that night to explain her absence from the party. Had the Darcys arranged it so that Lydia received a spot in one of the best rehab clinics in the country? The clinic had a notoriously long wait-list, but Lydia had gotten right in. She knew Will's family had the clout to do it, but what was Lydia to him? They hardly knew each other. And Anna didn't know Lydia at all.</p><p>She wondered if she should find a way to message him. But what if the card didn't mean anything? Anna was so kind; perhaps it was only a nice gesture from her and nothing more. She pondered the embarrassment of contacting someone out of the blue to thank them for something they hadn't actually done. If only she could talk to him in person! The start of the semester couldn't come fast enough.</p>
<hr/><p>With a rush of classes and new books and new faces, Beth was back on campus. She woke Wednesday morning to one of the prettiest days all year. The sun was shining and the air was unseasonably warm for February with the temperatures nearing 55 degrees. The birds seemed to be celebrating, chirping loudly outside the window. She had struggled during the fall semester to balance a healthy lifestyle with all of her classwork, and she'd vowed to do a better job this semester. Here was the first chance. She piled her hair into a messy ponytail and grabbed her headphones, heading out the door for a jog.</p><p>Many of her schoolmates were outside enjoying the weather. There were fellow joggers along the path. Others were lying on blankets under the newly budding trees or sitting on the benches. The sun was out, and everyone seemed happy and full of new energy. Twenty minutes into the job and Beth was tired but content. She didn't know if it was the endorphins, or the day itself, but she felt glad to be alive. She was winded, feeling the effects of winter on her body; she needed to run more than once every six months, clearly.</p><p>When she passed him on the path, it took her a few seconds to register what she had seen. She stopped abruptly and turned, pulling the headphones out of her ears. The sudden pounding of her heart had nothing to do with running and everything to do with Will. He was standing a few paces back, and she had to bite back on a squeal of happiness. Whether it was the beautiful day, or because she hadn't seen him in two months, or the effect his sunglasses had on his face, Beth didn't know. She only knew he looked <em>really</em> good. If only she weren't so winded.</p><p>"Good run?" he asked, and she nodded, trying to catch her breath.</p><p>"You're—back," she said in between gulps of air.</p><p>"Yeah, since Monday." He had on jeans and a pullover sweater, and his hair was freshly cut. After thinking about him for months, she felt overwhelmed seeing him in person. He'd taken his sunglasses off when they began talking, and Beth studied his features after the long absence. His light green eyes were squinting against the sun behind her, but she thought he looked happy to see her. Or maybe he was just laughing at how out of breath she was.</p><p>"How—how was New—York?"</p><p>"It was great. Busy. Challenging a lot of the time, but I had fun."</p><p>"I'm really—happy—for you. School was—just—blah," she finished with a nervous chuckle. She'd built up their meeting in her head and created many different scenarios, so of course, reality was nothing like she'd pictured. She was never gasping for air in her imagination or quite so <em>sweaty</em>.</p><p>"I don't want to keep you from your run. I know Cole wanted to get a whole group of people together later."</p><p>"Oh...okay," Beth said. She felt disappointed. Will was being perfectly friendly. He hadn't said much, but then he almost never did. But she wanted more: much more. She would have abandoned her run to stay and talk to him. But she couldn't say that <em>now</em>. She wondered, not for the first time, if whatever had been between them had faded over the time and the distance. She hoped not.</p><p>Finally feeling a little bit like herself again, she smiled up at him. "I'm really glad you're back. I'm in for anything Cole puts together for you."</p><p>She turned to go, still looking at him, and ran directly into a pedestrian. Blushing hotly, her arm stinging, she stammered an apology to the disgruntled walker. She could have cried; it was all so embarrassing. She didn't look back. She didn't want to see if Will was laughing; she knew he was.</p>
<hr/><p>Beth was disappointed when she couldn't go to Will's coming-home party. Her professor had announced a surprise test on the week's readings the following day, and Beth was stuck preparing for it. Marianne went, in her first social outing since the breakup and told Beth later that she hadn't missed much.</p><p>"People crashed and everything got out of control. It wasn't much fun. I didn't even see Will except in the beginning, and he was surrounded by a group of lacrosse girls anyway, so I couldn't tell him you couldn't come. He probably didn't notice anyway."</p><p>"If you're trying to make me feel better, you're doing a terrible job," she said, her tone bleak.</p><p>But she saw him the following week on one of the floors of the library. She'd been looking for a quiet place to work, and the individual carrels on the first floor were all occupied. She'd gone up another two flights of stairs, hoping to find somewhere to spread out all her books and finish her paper.</p><p>Will was sitting alone at one of the big tables on the third floor. He was lounging with his legs splayed out. Chin in hand, he looked lost in thought. There was an abandoned textbook next to him and his laptop was open, but the screen was black. Beth walked up behind him, her footsteps muffled in a thick layer of carpet.</p><p>"Working hard?" she asked, and he jumped, turning to look at her. His expression of alarm changed to a smile. "I was looking for a place to write some of my paper. I guess everybody else on the first floor had the same idea, too," she added.</p><p>He gestured to the chair across from him at the table. "Here, sit. There's plenty of room. Not many people come all the way up here."</p><p>She pulled out the chair and sat down her heavy backpack, wondering how she would ever concentrate with Will sitting across from her. He had on a gray quarter zip sweater with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows, and he looked tired. She was glad she'd put on real clothes before coming to the library and wasn't wearing a full sweatsuit. She only wished she had thought to brush her hair. It was wavy and tangled, but there was nothing to do about it now. Suddenly she pictured Ava from the cafe, and her stylish haircut and platinum blonde hair. But she and Will had been a bad match, she told herself, repeating what Emma had said. So it didn't matter that her hair had been perfectly styled.</p><p>"I <em>was</em> working hard until about half an hour ago, but then I ran out of motivation," Will explained.</p><p>"A likely story," she teased. "What are you working on?"</p><p>"A presentation that I have to give next week. You?"</p><p>"A five page paper." She slowly began to pull the books out of her bag, placing each one on the table in front of her.</p><p>"Maybe we can keep each other on track. Now that I have an audience, I can't stare off into space anymore," he proposed, and Beth smiled at the idea.</p><p>"Alright; for the next half hour, nothing but work."</p><p>But that was easier said than done. She usually put in headphones when she was working in the library, but that seemed rude now that she was sitting across from Will. She didn't want to appear like she was ignoring him. In reality, he was impossible to ignore.</p><p>Even while she looked down at her books, he still filled her field of awareness. With his long legs, his feet encroached into her space under the table and she had to be very careful not to accidentally play footsie with him. She could hear his quiet, steady breathing and see his hand resting on the table across from her. She found herself looking at his long slender fingers, noticing the veins that waved across the muscles and tendons under the skin. Every so often, she dared to sneak a look at his face, and his brow was furrowed in concentration, eyes steady on the computer in front of him. His expression was severe in rest, and she realized again what a difference his smile made to his features. Almost six months had passed since that night outside of Carla's apartment complex, but Beth found herself remembering how he had looked as they'd been drawn together for a kiss...</p><p>She had to focus! She needed to start writing her paper, and it would not be good to get caught daydreaming about Will when he was right in front of her. With intense effort, she made herself refocus on the texts in front of her, jotting down notes and ideas as she came across important quotes in the book. She already had an idea of what she wanted to write; she just had to organize it and get it down in a way that made sense. There was an especially complex idea that she wanted to make sure made it into her argument, but even after thinking about it for ten minutes, she wasn't any closer to being able to articulate it. Elbow on the table, she had her forehead in the palm of her hand, and without noticing it, she let out a long and frustrated sigh while flipping back to a page in the book that she had read 20 times already. She heard Will laugh quietly and looked up from her book, disconcerted to find his eyes on her. She wondered how long he had been looking at her.</p><p>"Doing alright?" he asked, and she smiled sheepishly, realizing he must have noticed her enormous sigh.</p><p>"I've been better," she had to admit, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "This paper is harder than I thought it would be."</p><p>Will nodded. "That's the story of my life. Everything takes twice as long as I think it will. This presentation included." He nodded his head toward his laptop.</p><p>Looking at him, Beth felt overcome by the need to ask him about Lydia. This was the first real opportunity she'd had to talk to him. They were alone, and she didn't know the next time that would happen. She debated internally for a minute, chewing the corner of her lip while trying to decide what to do. Will had turned his attention back to his laptop, and she could see his eyes moving from one thing to the next on the screen. She'd just have to be brave if she wanted to know the truth. She couldn't think of a delicate way to move the conversation toward the topic. It was now or never.</p><p>"Will," she said suddenly, and he looked up in surprise at the sound of his name. Now that she'd started, she wasn't entirely sure what to say. "I know what you did for my sister—for Lydia," she finished, haltingly. She felt so nervous.</p><p>She couldn't read the emotions in Will's face. He blinked and looked away while saying a quiet, "Oh."</p><p>"Actually, I don't <em>know</em>," she corrected in a hurried rush. "But I <em>think</em> you got her into the rehab clinic." Will had been watching her face intently, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was she wrong? She suddenly wished she hadn't brought it up at all. "Never mind. I—you don't have to tell me anything," she said, feeling foolish and embarrassed.</p><p>"Beth, it's fine. I'm happy to explain." His mouth quirked and he gave her a half smile. "I was just wondering how you found out. I hadn't really planned on telling you about it, if I didn't have to."</p><p>Relief washed through her. "I heard the doctor say how selective the clinic was, and I couldn't figure out how they had an opening for Lydia. It's not like my family has any special connections to that place. And then I was visiting and there was a card from your sister. I put two and two together." She smiled ruefully. "Lydia's probably the <em>least</em> deserving person on Earth," she said with feeling. "You don't really know Lydia." Beth paused, wondering how to explain her sister. "She's not like Anna. She doesn't take anything seriously, not even this. She doesn't deserve all the special treatment. It's all a big joke to her anyway. And when I think about how you and Anna and your family must have put so much effort into what you did, it just makes me feel terrible," she finished miserably.</p><p>He studied her thoughtfully for a moment, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I know I wrote a little about this in my message this summer, and I wanted to talk to you about it the night that you found out, but it didn't seem to be the right time, somehow. Anyway, when my grandma died and Anna was really distraught by it, she started spending all this time with Jamie, and it was like I didn't even know her anymore."</p><p>She wondered if he'd ever told anyone this before. He looked almost relieved to be talking about it.</p><p>"It wasn't until she came back from rehab that I realized how wrong things had been. She was finally herself again. You've only met her since her recovery, and we really owe everything to that clinic. I know I don't know Lydia very well, but—" He shrugged slightly, looking away for the first time. He suddenly looked bashful. "I—<em>we</em> wanted that kind of recovery for her and your family. For you. I know how hard it can be. It was the least I could do. Maybe it's true that Lydia doesn't appreciate it right now, but that doesn't mean she'll always feel that way."</p><p>She briefly closed her eyes. He was <em>so</em> good. "I hope that's true," she said, filled with doubts about the kind of transformation Lydia was capable of. "I don't know how to thank you."</p><p>He shook his head. "You don't have to thank me. Really; it was nothing. I just did it to...," he trailed off and looked over her face before he shrugged again. "What's the point of having connections to places if you can't use them to help your friends," he finished, his tone light. She could tell he was trying to avoid any praise from her, unwilling to take the credit that he deserved. She wondered how she'd ever thought he was arrogant.</p><p>She tried to convey the depth of her appreciation with her look. After all, he'd said that she talked with her facial expressions. "I really appreciate what you did."</p><p>He looked at her for a long moment and then nodded, his expression serious. Beth had thought about him for months, and to see him sitting only a few feet from her was making her stomach do flips. He was so attractive; but it was more than just the way his features looked. She was overcome with gratitude and that made her appreciate everything about him so much more. She had missed the sound of his voice, and his eyes, and here he was just across the table from her. His hands were in his pockets, and she could hear the muffled sound of coins as he jangled them. Beth wondered what he was thinking and if he was thinking the same things about <em>her</em>.</p><p>"How have you been dealing with it?" he asked, breaking their long silence. The winter semester had been difficult for more reasons than just Lydia, but everything was better with Marianne, and Lydia had looked so much healthier the last time she'd seen her. She didn't know how to respond; there was so much to say.</p><p>"Okay, I think," she finally said. It was all more than she could put into words.</p><p>He nodded lightly, the intensity leaving his expression. "If you ever do want someone to talk to about it, I'm here," he said, shyly. "I know it's probably not at the top of your list of things to do, but the offer stands." He changed the subject, seeming to take her lack of response as a hint. "I know the library probably isn't ideal for an emotionally heavy conversation; sorry. We can talk about something else instead. You probably need to finish the rest of the paper, anyway." His smile was friendly but with that he quickly closed off their discussion, looking flustered. She wouldn't have minded talking about it more, she just didn't know her own thoughts yet.</p><p>"Thank you," she said earnestly, and he smiled again.</p><p>The moment passed, and with a quick raise of his eyebrows, he was back to working on his laptop, and Beth almost sighed before she caught herself. The offer had been kind and something a good friend would do...but was that really all they were? With a frown, she slid the book closer to her, trying to focus on the paper once more.</p>
<hr/><p>"You'll never believe this, but Cole is singing at a club downtown tonight. I'm going to watch him," Beth said to Marianne. Emma had called to tell her about the open mic night; Cole hadn't said a word to Beth, but Emma had still gotten wind of it nonetheless.</p><p>Beth gave Marianne a calculating smile. "And y<em>ou're</em> coming with me."</p><p>Marianne resisted but eventually gave in, as Beth knew she would. Marianne loved live music; half of her wardrobe was t-shirts from different bands. Weeks had passed since the incident with John, and Beth wondered if it might finally be Cole's chance. The two shared similar interests in television and music, but Marianne had always blown him off. At worst, Marianne would ignore him like she usually did, but now that John was out of the picture, Beth was hoping for a different outcome...</p><p>The lights were dim everything looked dingy as they walked into the small club. Ten other people were in the audience, scattered throughout the space. They sat at a table near the stage, and Beth tried to calm her nerves as they took off their coats and settled in. She was feeling secondhand embarrassment, imagining Cole performing poorly.</p><p>The manager came on stage, and he allowed the applause to die before starting. "Welcome to open-mic-night, everybody." He looked down at his clipboard. "First up, we've got a young man visiting us from the Pemberley campus. Everybody, give it up for Cole Brandon!"</p><p>Beth joined in the clapping as Cole walked onto the stage. To his credit, Cole had his usual stoic demeanor, and Beth was far more nervous than he was. She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants as he adjusted the mic. She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut as he briefly tuned his guitar, praying that he would be good. She couldn't watch.</p><p>After a quiet greeting, Cole began, and Beth's eye shot open. Her relationship with Cole was purely platonic; she'd never thought of him as anything but a friend. But his voice was beautiful and melodic and deep. The solemnity that characterized his looks transferred perfectly to his music. If this were the first night she'd ever seen him, her feelings toward him might have been a little different.</p><p>"Wow," she said quietly to herself. If <em>she</em> could sing like that, <em>everybody</em> would know about it. Cole was hard to look away from, but eventually she noticed Marianne's reaction. Marianne was looking up at the stage, mouth agape, and Beth had the feeling she was <em>seeing</em> Cole for the first time in their acquaintance. No one could suggest him lacking passion or intensity; it was there in every note he sang.</p><p>Beth clapped and let out a big whoop among the hearty applause as he finished the song. The whoop attracted his attention, and he glanced at her and Marianne. He smiled and dipped his head in greeting as she waved. As he began the next song, she turned to Marianne with amusement. She hadn't moved a single muscle and was still staring up at the stage with her mouth open.</p><p>Beth reached over to gently close her mouth. "I think you're drooling a little," she said, laughing.</p><p>Marianne looked over, dazed. "Was it me or did the Earth move?"</p><p>"Oh yes; it <em>moved</em>."</p><p>During Cole's last song, Beth noticed Rob Martin sitting a few tables down. She knew him from a class in the previous semester, and she remembered that he was Emma's roommate's crush, nondescript and unremarkable though he was. She didn't like the idea of Cole playing to empty chairs, so she was glad other students had ventured off campus. After more applause for his last song, Cole returned backstage while the manager introduced the next act, and Beth excused herself to say hello to Rob. They spoke for a few minutes, but she saw Rob's attention shift to something behind her. Emma had arrived and joined Marianne, and with her was a girl with dark hair, almost certainly the roommate. Harriet was already eyeing Robert with a friendly smile and he blushed as they made eye contact. Beth was struck with an idea.</p><p>"You like Harriet, don't you?" She saw his surprised and sheepish look and went on. "She likes you, too. You should go for it."</p><p>Beth knew how happy <em>she</em> would be if someone gave her that information about <em>Will</em> and had decided to do good where she could. He was taken aback, but Beth didn't give him time to overthink. She patted his hand once and waved Marianne and the girls over. As they joined, Beth motioned Harriet pointedly into the seat next to Rob, moving so they could sit next to each other.</p><p>"I never noticed, but you two have very similar haircuts," Emma said thoughtfully, placing her pointer finger to her lips as she looked between Beth and Harriet. They turned to look at each other, and Beth could see the truth. The shade of their dark hair was almost identical, and it was the same length. Beth had taken care to style it before going out, and both she and Harriet had loose wavy curls.</p><p>She held out a hand. "It's nice to meet my doppelgänger," she said with cheer, and Harriet laughed happily in return.</p><p>Cole arrived at their table a minute later, and she jumped to her feet to hug him.</p><p>"Cole! You were amazing. You're singing to me all the time from now on."</p><p>He smiled and released her quickly from the hug. "I don't know about that." He looked bashfully at her, readjusting his glasses. "Thank you for coming. I thought I wouldn't want anyone here, but I was wrong. I'm really glad you came."</p><p>He greeted Marianne, and Beth noted that for once he was acting normally around her. Beth wondered if he was feeling good enough from the post-performance high to manage to have a conversation. She crossed her fingers behind her back.</p><p>Marianne smiled up at him. "You were really good." She motioned for him to sit down and join them. "Did you write everything yourself?"</p><p>Cole nodded shyly, but Marianne encouraged him to explain his ideas for the songs, and he was soon talking animatedly. When he mentioned that one of his major influences was a particular indie band, Beth counted down in her head to Marianne's inevitable excited interjection; Marianne listened to them on repeat almost daily.</p><p>"I <em>love</em> that band!" Marianne said with emphasis, right on cue. Beth had never seen Cole smiling so happily before.</p><p>Beth was thoroughly ignored by her roommate for the rest of the night, but she didn't mind. She'd known from the start Cole and Marianne would like each other. For once, things seemed to be going right. She found herself grinning with happiness, and she clapped as the young woman on stage finished a song. What a wonderful night it was turning out to be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Unchanged affections and wishes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chapter title about sums it up</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Come on, now. You can do better than that," Beth teased. "Are you trying to let me win on purpose?" She looked at Will and raised her eyebrows.</p><p>"The game's not over yet; there's no way I'm letting you win," he shot back. His eyes were focused intently on the paper football he was preparing to flick toward Beth's fingers, held up to form a field goal. The tip of his tongue pointed out of the corner of his mouth as he squinted and aimed.</p><p>Beth had been studying in a lounge in the science building when Will had slid into a seat across from her. He had a class in ten minutes, so she knew it would only be a short visit. Running into him like this was nothing new, but the number of times it happened per week had been steadily increasing to the point that Beth began to wonder if it was random after all or if Will was doing it on purpose. The idea gave her a pleasant thrill. Beth was so much more aware of how he made her feel than she had been in the past, and she'd blushed as he sat down across from her. She'd nervously folded the paper football while they talked, unaware that she was making the little triangle until she was halfway through doing it. Will had gently pulled it from her hand with an arch of an eyebrow, and they began taking turns flicking the paper football. Unsurprisingly, the playful back and forth had turned into a competitive match.</p><p>The paper flew directly between Beth's fingers, and Will flashed a bright smile. Beth tried to smother it, but she couldn't resist smiling back at him. "Lucky shot," she muttered, and he laughed.</p><p>"That makes the score tied, doesn't it?" he asked innocently, and Beth narrowed her eyes.</p><p>"Just wait," she said, fetching the paper from where it had landed, and Will grinned at her. She wondered if he knew just how distracting that smile was. The fact that their knees were almost touching under the table didn't help matters either. She was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on the game, watching the curve of his mouth and the long lashes of his eyes instead.</p><p>"I dunno; I've got class. We don't have time for your turn," he said with fake regret. "I think we're going to have to stay tied." He stood and slipped his bag onto his shoulders as a student walked by with a look of confusion on her face. Moments later, she was back at their table.</p><p>"I'm sorry to interrupt, but do you know if the math classes are on this floor?"</p><p>Beth smiled kindly, recognizing her from a class. "You're in the right building; you just need to go up one flight of stairs."</p><p>She thanked Beth with a smile and then looked at her a little more closely. Recognition bloomed across the girl's features. "Hey, congratulations about you and Rob Martin. He was talking about it today; I know he had a big crush on you. Anyway, he's the nicest guy in our year, so I'm really happy you're dating!"</p><p>Beth felt her cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment and confusion. <em>What</em> was she <em>talking</em> about? Harriet and Rob were together, not her. Beth suddenly pictured Emma commenting on the similarity of their hair, and she herself had called Harriet her doppelgänger. This student had obviously mixed up the two of them.</p><p>"Oh. <em>N</em><em>o</em>..." was the only reply Beth could muster as she tried to find the right words. But the girl was already walking away toward the stairs, waving goodbye and totally unconcerned with whatever Beth had to say.</p><p>Her cheeks were so hot that she could feel them burning. Biting the corner of her lip in distress, she sneaked a quick glance at Will. He was standing awkwardly, hanging onto the straps of his backpack, and she couldn't read anything in his expression. One thing was for sure; he certainly wasn't smiling any longer. She cleared her throat slightly and Will gave her a brief smile.</p><p>"I've got to run to class," he said, pointing with his thumb to the stairwell behind him. She wanted to explain the mix-up behind what had been said, but he was already walking backwards, his expression carefully stoic.</p><p>"See you later." He turned around and walked out, and the stairwell door closed behind him.</p><p>"Fuck," Beth muttered, under her breath.</p>
<hr/><p>"What a night!" Marianne exclaimed, holding her arms wide and spinning in a slow circle as they walked toward the fraternity house. Cole was playing in a band with some of his friends, and since they had started seeing each other, Marianne never failed to miss a performance. She'd convinced Beth to come along, and Beth was not so secretly hoping that she'd run into Will. She hadn't seen him since their last conversation; their frequent run-ins with each other had suddenly stopped.</p><p>"Don't you just love moonlit nights like this?" Marianne sighed with a dreamy expression on her face. "All the trees are starting to bud, and the flowers will be out soon."</p><p>"It's nice," Beth replied, her tone significantly less excited than Marianne's.</p><p>Marianne eyed her with disbelief. "Nice? Beth, it's finally going to be spring!"</p><p>There <em>was</em> something in the night air, Beth had to admit. There was an earthy smell coming from the damp ground as the snow retreated and the brown grass made its reappearance. The change in the season to milder air made it feel as though exciting things were about to happen. Beth could feel it too, but she simply wasn't as romantic as Marianne, who was still spinning slowly on the sidewalk in a flowing skirt and her boots.</p><p>Even though it was just a regular Friday night, Beth had dressed with more care than usual, aware that she might see Will. She wore slim cut jeans with flat boots and a pretty v-neck shirt. She'd accentuated the natural wave of her hair and had drawn her part further to the side and flipped the hair for more volume. The effort would be wasted if he weren't there, she thought. She hoped he was.</p><p>Beth looked on as Cole and Marianne kissed in greeting, her eyes scanning the party for Will as they arrived.</p><p>There—he was across the room and in conversation with two women, but his eyes were on her, she noticed with a quick sense of elation. Impressive how just seeing him looking at her could create such a sense of excitement. She'd wait until they were done talking and then say hello, she decided. Or maybe he would come over, she thought with anticipation. But it didn't happen. He stayed where he was.</p><p>Each time she took a moment from her conversation to look at Will, she found him returning the gaze. His eyes were on her just as much as hers were on him. After the third time it happened, a flush crept into her cheeks that had nothing to do with the drink she was sipping. Finally, his conversation ended, and Beth excused herself to talk with him. She was put off by his unusually serious expression, wondering what he was thinking. But at least the corners of his mouth turned up as she approached.</p><p>"I saw you come in," he said with a nod toward the door. "All alone tonight?"</p><p>That puzzled her. "No—I came with Marianne." If he'd seen her arrive, he would have seen that too, she thought.</p><p>His brow was furrowed in confusion, and Beth thought it best that they just move on from that statement.</p><p>"What a week," she said with exaggerated emphasis as she looked him over. His green sweater brought out the color of his eyes, and his hair was getting longer again. She'd missed seeing him, though it had only been a few days.</p><p>"A good week for you?" he asked, and she wondered why his expression was sad.</p><p>"Eh, not really," she said bleakly, thinking about her chemistry quiz in particular.</p><p>Again, a look of confusion crossed his face and Beth couldn't understand it. Something seemed completely out of sync between the two of them. This was the awkwardest conversation they'd had in <em>months</em>. She hadn't realized how much of a rapport they'd built until it wasn't there anymore. She wondered at the change; was this because of what that girl had said about Rob?</p><p>"Chemistry is killing me," she elaborated after a moment of drawn silence where Will had only looked at her intently. "I needed the science Gen Ed, but maybe I should have picked biology instead."</p><p>Will looked interested. "Who do you have?"</p><p>"Harris."</p><p>"I had her, too. She's great," he said, with his first real smile of the evening. "I like chemistry. Something about it always made sense to me. I think I still have my old notes and worksheets, if you want them," he offered.</p><p>That was the best news she'd heard all day, and Beth thanked him gratefully. He looked pleased, though his hand fiddled nervously with the label of the beer bottle he was holding. With that statement, she saw an opportunity and decided to finally be brave and take it. If Will was never going to do it, then she would have to.</p><p>"Maybe I can text you to pick up the notes sometime," she offered shyly, having never asked anyone for their number before. She watched his eyes fly up from the bottle to meet hers and the slow, wide smile that broke across his face at her offer, dimples on display. But a moment later, the look faded as though his mind were on something else.</p><p>Beth pulled her phone from her bag, feeling more and more confused by their dynamic as she typed his name and number in. She'd gotten his number, but why did it feel like they were back to the beginning again?</p><p>She struggled to think of a way to casually introduce into the conversation that she was <em>not</em> dating Robert Martin, wondering again if that was what had changed their interaction so dramatically. But then again, if that wasn't the problem, she would come off completely self-centered and self-absorbed. Which was worse?</p><p>The band began to play and Beth had agreed to stand at the front with Marianne, who was waving her over emphatically. She gave Will a smile as she said goodbye and walked toward Marianne, but inside she was feeling dejected. Getting his number should have been a triumph, and instead she was feeling more confused about him than she had since the summer.</p>
<hr/><p>Beth yawned as she left the science building, feeling mentally exhausted after her chemistry lab. The early evening sun was hanging low in the sky as she walked to the center of campus. It was Friday evening, and she had the whole night in front of her. She sighed happily at the thought of being done with classes for a few days. She had several assignments to do over the weekend, including a lab report, but she planned to take the night off from working.</p><p>Her phone beeped, and Beth pulled it from her pocket to see a text from Marianne.</p><p>
  <strong>Cole is coming over. Don't come back for several hours, please and thanks. XOXOOOO</strong>
</p><p>Beth rolled her eyes, shoving her phone back in her pocket. The romance between Cole and Marianne had grown exponentially. She was very happy for her friends finding each other, but it was still a bit annoying. <em>Now</em> she was exiled from her room, when all she really wanted to do was lie on the futon, eat popcorn, and watch something mindlessly entertaining. Instead, she had to find somewhere to kill a few hours' time. She was sure Emma was busy; it was a Friday evening, after all, and Emma was too popular to be sitting at home alone. Perhaps she could study in the library, and then she and Marianne could go out afterwards. But the thought of doing more work after just finishing a lab was very unappealing.</p><p><em>Maybe</em> it was time to text Will about those handouts, she thought, feeling a little giddy. She wasn't planning to do any more chemistry work today, but she could always text him about the notes as a soft opening and <em>then</em> see if he wanted to hang out with her...</p><p>She'd been aching to text him since she'd gotten his number but hadn't been able to think of a good excuse. She tried to anticipate his response. At worst, he'd say he was busy. More likely, he'd say yes and they could spend some time together. If history was any indication, it would be nothing more than some friendly conversation. Since she'd broken off their brief kiss that winter, Will had never gone beyond the bounds of friendship. Of course, that was far less than Beth wanted, but it was better than studying in the library any day.</p><p>She hiked her backpack up on her shoulders. She had to do it right now before she lost her nerve. She let out a big breath of air and then sent him a quick text asking if she could stop by for the notes. To her delight, he responded immediately that she could. Beth allowed herself one tiny, excited squeal before turning to walk toward his dorm.</p><p>The walk was chilly. Beth had regretted not bringing a jacket to class as soon as she left the building. The temperature had been much warmer when she'd been out that afternoon. She wrapped her arms around herself and quickened her pace, looking at the small buds on the tree limbs with a smile. Marianne had been right. Spring was coming soon, and she couldn't wait for the warm weather. By the time she reached Will's dorm, she was having a hard time keeping her teeth from chattering; both of her arms were covered in goosebumps.</p><p>The door to his room was open with music playing loudly. Will was pacing, cradling a ball back and forth with his lacrosse stick. He turned as she leaned her head into the room and dropped the ball.</p><p>"Smooth. And they made you captain?"</p><p>He placed the stick down against a wall. "I know; what were they thinking?" he said, playing along. He tugged absently on the sleeve of his t-shirt, looking unusually awkward about seeing her.</p><p>She perched on the door frame and gave him a look.</p><p>He returned her expression silently, raising an eyebrow after a moment. "What?"</p><p>"Do you always make guests wait outside in the hallway?" she playfully scolded.</p><p>"Depends on the guest. Would you like to come in?"</p><p>"Yes, I would, thanks."</p><p>He offered her a seat on the futon. "You don't have to wait for an invitation you know; you're always welcome."</p><p>Beth glanced quickly at him. There had been something in his tone that she hadn't heard for months. The low sound of his voice made her heart speed up, but Will was busy adjusting the music to a quieter volume and not looking at her. Beth wondered if she'd only imagined it.</p><p>"Sorry for barging in on you. I hope you weren't busy. Cole and Marianne have exiled me from my room." She paused, and Will didn't respond. She suddenly felt foolish for stopping by. What had she been thinking? They were friends, yes, but she'd never done anything like this before. All in a rush, she decided she was intruding on him. This was a disaster. "You <em>were</em> busy, weren't you. I can find someplace else—"</p><p>"Whoa, no, it's fine," he interrupted quickly. "I didn't have any plans. I want you to stay."</p><p>Beth blinked, a flush creeping into her cheeks. He'd done it again with the tone. She was almost afraid to look at him, but he was only leaning nonchalantly against his desk. Something in her chest tightened slightly. "Okay," she managed to say, and then she shivered, still cold from her walk.</p><p>"Do you want a sweatshirt?" Will asked, and Beth nodded gratefully. He rummaged through his closet for a moment. She took the sweatshirt he handed her and slipped it on, secretly inhaling. It smelled just like him. Will looked at her with a strange smile.</p><p>"<em>What</em>?"</p><p>He gestured toward the sweatshirt, and she looked down at her new outfit. "It's not my fault you're so big..." The sweatshirt was comically large on her. It reached almost to her knees, and the sleeves extended half a foot past her fingertips. She couldn't imagine ever being large enough to fill it out, but, then again, Will did, and he didn't look so bad.</p><p>"I never got to hear about New York," Beth said a moment later, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. They'd never talked about his internship. He'd been gone for weeks, and she had no idea how he'd spent his time or whom he had spent it with. "I want to know all about it."</p><p>Will sat down in his desk chair, rolling closer to her. "I don't know where to start."</p><p>"How about...food. Where's the best restaurant you ate?"</p><p>Will smiled, as though in remembrance of wonderful food. "That's easy..."</p>
<hr/><p>Will rolled all over the room in his chair as he told stories. With bare feet, he looked comfortable in his pair of old jeans. Beth had felt like only a few minutes had passed since she'd sat on the futon, but they'd been talking for an hour, just like the night they had first talked at Charles's house. Their rapport had returned, with none of the awkwardness from the party. The class notes were long forgotten by both of them.</p><p>"Everyone said the J-term was supposed to be the best, but I didn't think so," she said, continuing their conversation. "With the weather, and the professors trying to condense a full class into just a few weeks, it was kind of miserable. Half the people were gone, and there wasn't anything to <em>do</em> except class and spend a little time with friends."</p><p>"And with Rob." He said it so smoothly that she nodded, not fully realizing what he had said.</p><p>"Wait—<em>what</em>?" she asked a moment later. He looked entirely too innocent. "Oh no, no, no. No, no, no, <em>no.</em> Rob and I—we're not—I don't even know him, really. We're barely even acquaintances. He's dating Harriet Smith. She's my year, and we have the same haircut. Anyway, no. They're dating, not Rob and me." She knew she was blushing and tried to slow herself down.</p><p>"My mistake," he said, rolling around distractedly. He didn't seem sorry at all. So that <em>was</em> the reason he had acted so strangely. She knew she should have explained it earlier. She should have said it right then and there as soon as that girl had said it and made Will late for class if she'd had to. She couldn't blame him for misunderstanding the situation. After all, if she'd heard that Will was dating someone out of the blue, she would <em>not</em> have been very happy.</p><p>She caught a chill and shivered violently. She was sitting cross-legged on the futon and stuffed the giant sweatshirt over her knees.</p><p>"Are you still cold?" Will asked. "I can get you a blanket." He got up off his chair and walked over to the closet. As he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, she motioned for him to sit down on the futon. He'd been far away from her the whole night, and she wondered now if he'd done it on purpose because he thought she was dating someone else. At her request, he sat down next to her, his legs splayed out, his arm draped over the back of the couch, and she scooted to face him.</p><p>"Hi," she said softly.</p><p>"Hi," he replied, sounding amused, and his mouth moved into a soft smile. Beth was distracted; there was a piece of fuzz in his hair, probably from digging around in his closet for her.</p><p>"You've got…" she trailed off and reached to pull it gently from his hair, her hand resting longer than strictly necessary. She couldn't help herself. His eyes were so green, and she saw the mirth in them quickly fade as his pupils dilated wide.</p><p>She watched his mouth and the sensuous turn of it. Slowly, she and Will were pulled together like magnets, with such a powerful physical draw between them. The shift happened so fast; one minute they were talking, the next... she didn't have time to think. He stopped just close enough to look her in the eyes; he seemed to be waiting for permission. She didn't hesitate, and she closed the distance between their mouths.</p><p>Was that what she had been missing? No one could kiss like he did. The kisses made her ache in a way she'd only experienced with him, and with his mouth warm on hers, she lost all ability to think. She knew she was flushed, but it didn't matter. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he held her close. The intensity was the same as it had been in the summer. The way their mouths moved together was completely addicting, and Beth had been waiting for it for so long that she couldn't get enough. It was impossible to tell how many minutes passed like that. But with all that intensity, she wanted to be closer; sitting next to him wasn't enough. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him forward. He followed her lead, and she landed with her back on the seats of the futon. Then they were kissing just as eagerly as before. She was about to wrap her legs around him when he broke the kiss and pushed himself off. The crushing weight of his body, which had felt so nice, was suddenly gone. She stared up at him, dazed.</p><p>"Wait—" she said, thickly, unable to think. It was an exact reversal of what had happened the year before when she'd broken it off at Carla's.</p><p>He seemed to be thinking just that. With his back turned and both hands on his head, Will was the picture of frustration. "I can't do this. Not if it's going to be like last time…" he muttered, turning around. "I can't do this anymore; I can't be your friend."</p><p>She blinked hard and tried to speak over the lump in her throat. "Do—do you want me to leave?" she asked quietly, completely stunned.</p><p>He gaped at her. "Do I…? <em>No</em>, I don't want you to leave," He put a hand over his eyes. "That came out wrong. It always does with you." He took a deep breath and started over. "I don't want to be your friend because it isn't enough for me; it never has been. I can't concentrate when I'm around you. Every time I see you, I want to kiss you." He paced back and forth. "I thought my feelings were obvious. Apparently not. And from the way you're looking at me, I think I probably shouldn't have said anything." He sighed, closed his eyes, and ran his hands through his hair. "Okay, forget I said anything."</p><p>She vaulted off the couch at that sentence. She'd been too surprised before that to move. She had the thought, just before she did it, that throwing herself at him might seem a tad desperate, but then she was in his arms and nothing else mattered. She felt his initial surprise, but then he returned her kiss. It was slow, and sweet, and so wonderful she curled her toes in surprised delight. She didn't ever want to stop kissing him, but they both broke it eventually from lack of air. He had her by the hips.</p><p>"I don't want to be friends either," she said breathlessly.</p><p>"Glad we cleared that up." His voice was low, his mouth inches from hers. And then he kissed her again. She couldn't get enough of him and the way he felt against her.</p><p>He pulled away a few minutes later. "I have to ask you something."</p><p>She looked up at him, astounded. "You want to <em>talk</em>? Are you <em>crazy</em>?" She shook her head. "No talking." She kissed him and felt him smile against her lips.</p><p>"No…I'm…mmm…serious," was all he managed to get out. He tickled her side lightly, causing her to break away. "This has been bothering me for 6 months." And with a look that made her blush slightly, he added, "There will be plenty of time later for whatever we want to do. But last year, after Carla's..."</p><p>She bit her lip. She hated thinking about that. She was so embarrassed by what she had said to him. "I wrote you a message, and obviously it made you change your mind, but how soon? When did you stop hating me?" he asked, and she cringed.</p><p>"I didn't <em>hate</em> you…"</p><p>He gave her a knowing look. "I didn't!" she said again. "I <em>liked </em>you after we talked at Charles's that night, but you were so <em>cold </em>in the morning. I thought I had embarrassed myself, and you weren't interested in me."</p><p>His mouth moved into a sad smile. "I was trying to convince myself I didn't like you. I'd never talked like that with anyone; it was overwhelming. I didn't know what to do about you." His eyes ran over her face, taking in all her features. "And you were right, that night at Carla's; I was lazy and a little stuck up, even if I didn't appreciate hearing it then."</p><p>Beth winced. "<em>You</em> were right that night. Afterwards, I could see your perspective and how judgmental I'd been." She sighed unhappily. "I've been trying to be different ever since."</p><p>"Me too," he said softly, and she squeezed his hand.</p><p>"As for the message…" She trailed off. She could remember reading it and how much regret and embarrassment ensued. "I read it the day I got back from Carla's. I finally realized how wrong I'd been about everything. And then, when we started to see each other here, well…" She shrugged. "It was impossible not to like you." Her eyes narrowed in sudden displeasure. "But then you came back from New York and you were so—".</p><p>"I thought you only wanted to be friends!"</p><p>She stared at him in disbelief. "I asked you for your phone number," she said animatedly.</p><p>"I thought you were dating Rob!" he said, his eyes wide. "That girl literally said—"</p><p>"Ugh, I know!" Beth interrupted, scrunching her eyes shut to prevent herself from thinking of that memory. She peeked her eyes open to see him watching her with amusement. A slow smile broke across his face.</p><p>"I'm glad you aren't," he said quietly, holding her gaze. "Did I mention that?"</p><p>Beth felt warmth flush through her body at his tone and as his arms tightened around her, and she smiled back at him. "I'm glad, too. No more misunderstandings?"</p><p>"None for now," he said, his voice wonderfully low as he pulled her up for another kiss.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The happiest creature in the world</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gratuitous fluff, to be honest</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beth sighed in annoyance; there was that insistent beeping noise again. Her tired eyes opened slowly, squinting against the direct sunlight that landed across her face. After a few more moments of blinking, she managed to keep them open and understood that the noise was her phone. She moved to sit up, but half of her hair was pinned under Will's shoulder, which abruptly stopped her from moving any further. She didn't want to wake him, and it took some effort to free herself.</p>
<p>She reached for the first article of clothing from the floor she could find, which was the t-shirt he'd worn the night before. The shirt fit like a dress, and she walked across his dorm room, trying to locate her phone. The tiles were cold on her feet as she passed the desk and the futon. She finally found it in the back pocket of her jeans. Slowly, she inched her way back into the bed and sat cross-legged with her back against the headboard.</p>
<p>Beth had four missed calls and a growing number of texts, all from Marianne. Each one was growing more frantic, asking where she was. Beth rubbed her eyes tiredly, feeling guilty that Marianne was worried. She'd forgotten for the last 12 hours that anything but Will existed. She responded to one of Marianne's texts, saying she would be home soon. All of Beth's movement and the noises from her phone woke Will, and he rolled over propping himself up on an elbow.</p>
<p>Beth smiled shyly.</p>
<p>"Morning," he said, his voice wonderfully scratchy and low. The two of them had the worst cases of bed-head she'd ever seen, but she couldn't seem to care. All of Will's hair was sticking out to one side. She laughed and reached over, trying to flatten his hair. It was futile. He flopped back down on the pillows, looking tired but content.</p>
<p>"Sorry for waking you. Marianne's been worried. I think she thought I'd been kidnapped."</p>
<p>He smiled, but his eyes stayed closed.</p>
<p>Beth couldn't help staring at him. She didn't think she would ever tire of just looking at him and his hair and his <em>mouth</em>. Over the evening she'd seen his face filled with laughter and merriment, intense passion, quiet contentment. Now his breathing was even and slow, and she thought he'd fallen back asleep. The sun in the window cut a sharp shadow across one broad shoulder. His hand was right next to her foot, and she traced a vein that ran down his hand and across his wrist bone.</p>
<p>"Will?" she asked, almost involuntarily.</p>
<p>His eyes popped open, and he squinted in the light, looking startled. "Yes?"</p>
<p>She had to ask him the question. She thought she already knew the answer, but with their propensity for miscommunications and misunderstandings, she couldn't let it dangle, unanswered. She had a sudden knot of anxiety growing in her stomach; what if she was wrong? Yesterday, they'd both agreed that they weren't going to sleep together that first night only to completely and happily disregard that agreement within a few hours of making it. What if the night hadn't meant the same thing to him as it did to her? Beth thought about all the chaos and heartache Marianne's lack of communication with John had caused her, and she stared at Will a moment, her mouth open, and finally took a deep breath. "Are we...dating now? Exclusively?"</p>
<p>He raised his eyebrows in surprise and then propped himself up to a sitting position with his elbows. He ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "<em>I</em> assumed we were. Do you want to be?" he finished, his tone uncertain.</p>
<p>She nodded emphatically. "Yeah! Yes. I do." Smiling widely, he leaned over to give her a slow kiss, and Beth felt overwhelmed with the feel of him and his smell and too many positive emotions to handle. When he pulled away and stretched, she noticed for the first time the small purple bruise above his collar bone. It was entirely her fault. She bit her lip, trying to smother a smile. "Uh oh," she said</p>
<p>He gave her a strange look. "What?"</p>
<p>He followed the line of her gaze and then looked across the room to a mirror. Beth started to stand up from the bed as she saw the look flash across his face that clearly implied payback. "I've gotta go home now," she said quickly, trying to suppress her laughter, but he grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back before she could get away.</p>
<p>"Oh no you don't," he growled, and Beth allowed him to pull her under the covers. His mouth was hot on her neck, and she thought Marianne could wait for a little while longer.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She and Will ordered brunch from a nearby restaurant and after picking it up, they barely left the bed. Hours into the afternoon, Beth had finally managed to leave him, and she all but sprinted up the stairs to her dorm. She'd never felt so exhilarated, and she stood outside her door for a minute, trying to compose herself. This was an impossible task; she knew she was an easy read with her disheveled hair and the grin that split her face from ear to ear. Marianne would take one look at her and know <em>exactly</em> what had happened. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it out. The goofy grin couldn't be helped, no matter how much she tried to smother it.</p>
<p>Marianne was sitting on her bed, and she took one long look at Beth. "Where have you been?"</p>
<p>Beth was about to respond but Marianne cut her off. "Do you know how <em>worried</em> I was about you? You went to lab and then you <em>never came back</em>. Was that some kind of payback for kicking you out of the room for an hour? Because..." Her head tilted as she looked closely at Beth. "What are you wearing? Is that <em>Will's</em> sweatshirt?" She gasped abruptly as Beth nodded. Marianne had gone from disgruntled anger to bubbly excitement almost faster than Beth could follow. "Don't tell me you...oh you <em>did</em>."</p>
<p>Beth casually flipped her hair over her shoulder, savoring the moment. "Will and I are officially together." She tried to say it with nonchalance, but her enormous smile gave her away.</p>
<p>Marianne let out a whoop and ran over to hug Beth, spinning her around and around. "I'm so excited for you! I told you it was only a matter of time. Oh, how romantic." She pulled back slightly and sighed with happiness as she looked Beth over. "You have to tell me <em>everything</em>. And do <em>not</em> tell me that he slept on the futon this time because I won't believe it. In fact, your face tells me you two didn't sleep <em>at all</em> last night."</p>
<p>Beth's face hurt from smiling as she gave Marianne all the details of the night that she was comfortable sharing. Marianne clapped her hands, and then a wicked smile played across her lips. "And <em>now</em> I have to go call Cole because he owes me money."</p>
<p>"Marianne! You made a <em>bet</em> with him about us?" Beth asked in disbelief.</p>
<p>"<em>Oh</em> yes, and he lost. I said you would hook-up this week, and he said it would be at least another month."</p>
<p>Beth huffed in indignant outrage, but Marianne merely pecked her on the cheek and skipped outside to the hallway to gloat to Cole in private.</p>
<p>Alone for the first time in a full 24 hours, Beth sat down at her desk, wondering what to do with herself. Her thoughts were so full of Will that she couldn't concentrate on anything else: not her work, not her papers, nothing but Will. She found herself grinning again as memories from the evening flowed freely across her mind, and she lost herself in daydreaming and reminiscing about all that had happened. She'd been so afraid they were never going to work out as anything more than friends. So many missed opportunities and misunderstandings had characterized her interactions with Will. They'd had a rocky start and a rockier middle, but finally they were together. Chin in hand, she propped an elbow on her desk and closed her eyes, reliving each moment of the night before with quiet joy.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth's phone beeped, and she typed a quick response to Will, telling him her dorm room number. She'd been trying to cram in a few more minutes of studying before he arrived, knowing how distracted she'd be once he was in her room. Marianne had already left for breakfast, as Beth was planning to go for a short meal with Will before her class started in 40 minutes</p>
<p>Suddenly, his tall frame was in the doorway, and Beth pushed back from her desk and stood with a bright smile, still feeling giddy at the sight of him. This was the first time Will had been to her room, and he walked around looking with noticeable interest at her plants and pictures and finally at the two lofted beds.</p>
<p>"Lofted, hmm." He tilted his head and a smile played across his face as he sat down on the corner of her desk, legs angled out before him. "You know, I've never...been in a lofted bed before." During the pause in his sentence, he gave her a meaningful look and she responded with a flirtatious smile.</p>
<p>"We'll have to remedy that, won't we."</p>
<p>He turned his head to look thoughtfully at her loft, and she could imagine he was doing calculations about weight in his head.</p>
<p>"Can two people fit up there?" he asked with curiosity, half jokingly, half serious, and Beth laughed.</p>
<p>"I thought we were getting breakfast. And I have class in less than an hour."</p>
<p>"Plenty of time," Will said with his most winning smile. "We'll climb up there just to make sure it's structurally sound and then climb right back down." He laced his fingers with hers as he held her hands. "I swear," he added unconvincingly a moment later, his face a careful picture of innocence.</p>
<p>"Right," she said with disbelief and amusement, and Will smiled, bending his head to kiss her. His hands dropped hers as he moved to pull her close. One of his hands was warm on the skin of her back under her shirt, and the other was deep in her hair, cradling the back of her neck as the kiss changed from playful to passionate. Beth hooked her fingers into his belt loops and drew him closer, loving the feel of him against her.</p>
<p>"We have to lock the door," she said a few minutes later, breathlessly disentangling herself from him just long enough to do so. Then she was back in his arms, responding eagerly to his kiss. They moved until her back was against the door, the length of his body pressed against the length of hers. She dragged her hands under his shirt, feeling the muscles under the skin. She tugged at his shirt until she got it over his head, her hands running freely over his chest and stomach. Her shirt soon followed his, and the coolness of the door against her back was a contrast to the warmth of his body. He moved down to kiss her neck, his hands rising up along her back to her bra clasp. She felt seriously unsteady from it all.</p>
<p>But there was a timid knock at the door, and they both froze with the unwelcome reality check. Beth was suddenly aware again of her fluttering pulse as it beat loudly in her ears as neither of them moved. Will's mouth was motionless on the crook of her neck.</p>
<p>"Beth...are you and Will still in there? I just wanted to check," Marianne called out sweetly.</p>
<p>Beth groaned, letting her head fall back against the door in frustration, and Will raised his head to rest it against the door, placing his chin lightly on the top of her head. Beth was so tempted to kiss the hollow of his throat as it was right in her line of vision, and it looked extremely kissable. She sighed in resignation instead.</p>
<p>"Just a minute," she said unsteadily and she heard Marianne laugh in the hallway.</p>
<p>Regaining the use of her slightly unstable legs, she moved off the door, silently raging against the unfairness of roommates. Why hadn't they met at Will's dorm instead? He was the one with a single. But after all, she did have class. They shared a look of muted frustration as they retrieved their respective clothing off of the ground. But she couldn't keep the grin off her face a moment later; she <em>loved</em> kissing him.</p>
<p>Shirts back in place and hair quickly brushed, they opened the door to a highly amused Marianne, though she had enough charity to not say whatever was clearly on her mind at the sight of the two of them.</p>
<p>This was probably better, Beth thought, as she and Will quickly grabbed breakfast burritos from the dining hall so Beth could get to her class on time. At least this way, she'd have some food for the day, even if now she'd be too frustrated to pay attention to anything in class! But as Will kissed her goodbye with a promise to pick up where they'd left off later, she had to admit there were certainly worse problems to have.</p>
<hr/>
<p>As the weeks passed, Beth was amazed by the simplicity of her relationship with Will. She never worried about his feelings for her; he was open and caring and generous and all the good things she'd already known him to be. And she couldn't help being the same to him in return. It was almost shocking how easily they got along, how easy it was to spend time with him. He was never boring, and if he frustrated her, it was only ever during a friendly debate. No matter how much time they spent together, he didn't annoy her. And she was grateful that he wasn't overbearing or insecure. As a result, she didn't feel anxious or confused; she felt safe. She'd never known a relationship could feel so good.</p>
<p>Their friendship changed for the better once they began dating. She had always been able to talk with Will, but she'd never felt at ease doing it. But the wall that had always been between them finally dropped, and she felt more comfortable talking to him than anyone besides Jane. It was strange to think of, but very suddenly he'd become her best friend at Pemberley.</p>
<p>The romantic part of their relationship was just the same as it always had been: intense.</p>
<p>But her feelings for Will were so much more than just lust, although there was plenty of that to contend with. When they were alone together, they couldn't stop touching. They had chemistry; they were drawn to each other. But it was more than physical gratification. There was something else in him that she responded to. Not just his looks or his height, but his character.</p>
<p>She thought she might be in love with him.</p>
<p>The thought was completely ridiculous to her. She'd never been in love with anyone before, and it had only been a month.</p>
<p>But she couldn't get rid of the feeling. It was there in the little lurch her stomach gave when she saw him. It was there every time he smiled. It was there in the way she felt when he kissed her. The only problem was how to tell him.</p>
<p>Every time she saw him she wanted to say how she felt, but she worried he wouldn't feel the same, or that she'd be smothering him with too much too soon. She would have to wait until the time was right...</p>
<hr/>
<p>Beth and Will walked in a pleasant silence to the center of campus. She'd just finished her chemistry lab and they had all evening to do whatever they wanted. A soft spring breeze was blowing through the newly flowered trees around them. Daffodils and crocuses dotted the walkways and the hills. They were nearing the end of the semester and the first hints of warmer weather were finally arriving. For the first time this year, Beth was only wearing a light jacket as they walked.</p>
<p>"Pint of ice cream?" she proposed. The milder weather had her in the mood, and she'd discovered over the course of their relationship that Will loved the stuff.</p>
<p>"Are you trying to make me fat?" he asked with mock concern.</p>
<p>"I can think of a way to burn some calories afterward..."</p>
<p>He looked down at her with a grin and replied with enthusiasm.</p>
<p>Beth had selected an ice cream sandwich from the freezer at the campus store, and she was enjoying it as they walked back slowly toward his dorm, feeling a sense of nostalgia from her childhood at the taste. She heard the tell-tale sounds of someone on a skateboard rolling down the sidewalk and moved to the side, but the skateboarder still jostled her arm accidentally, calling out a hurried sorry as they zoomed past. But it was too late; the ice cream had gone flying down to the ground with a sickening plop. She stared at it for a few moments in horror and dismay.</p>
<p>"What the hell!" She pouted as she looked down at her ruined ice cream, hearing Will beside her trying and failing to hide his laughter. "Will," she asked, drawing his name out. She smiled innocently. "What flavor did you get?"</p>
<p>"Hey, wait a second—" he protested, but he let her take the pint out of his hands.</p>
<p>"You are very wonderful for letting me have yours. I promise to be extra nice to you the whole night," she said with a wink, winding her fingers through his to hold his hand.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>Beth stopped and stared at him, her stomach gave an odd flip, and she forgot about all the people walking around them on campus because he was serious.</p>
<p>He looked down, embarrassed. "I didn't mean to blurt it out like that—but I meant it." He rubbed nervously behind one ear. "You—you don't have to say anything back. I just thought you should know. I love you."</p>
<p>Beth felt the teeniest bit like crying; he never did what she expected. She stood for a moment, taking it all in, and then went up on her toes to kiss him. The kiss was nice because he was surprised, and because he tasted like ice cream and something else she couldn't ever describe except as 'Will', and because she felt happier than she had in her entire life. She decided she liked it this way; saying it out of the blue. To tell the truth it wasn't that much of a surprise anyway. She'd been feeling it for some time.</p>
<p>She held his gaze, her lips curving up into a slow smile. "I love you, Will."</p>
<p>The exchange had been so easy, so simple. She wondered why she had worried in the first place. She watched the dimples appear in his smile and the light flush on his cheeks, and then she held up the pint.</p>
<p>"More ice cream?"</p>
<p>He shook his head and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and they continued their walk. Nothing had changed, really, Beth thought. It was merely a matter of stating the obvious.</p>
<p>The school year was almost over, Beth realized. So many amazing things had happened. She'd learned so much. She'd met Marianne and Cole and Emma. And Will, she thought, looking up at him. Though she'd known him before Pemberley, everything had happened after she'd arrived there.</p>
<p>She could see the future ahead of her. She would come back next year and learn more, and meet new people, and be happy with Will. It would be the same the next year, and the next, and even when they moved on to new careers and new cities, Will would be there with her.</p>
<p>And that was really all that mattered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There is one more epilogue-type chapter that takes place a few years into the future. Chapter 18 is the end to the current time period at Pemberley, if epilogues aren't your thing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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